Ridin' on that bus, I had two goals: to get the autograph and to get back home.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Drew had a point. Besides Greg, there was only one person who would care if I wasn't in school.
[elbowing Greg in the ribs] Morning, shoeshine.
I'm not black. Why'd you do that?
I don't know where Chris is.
This doesn't look like Long Island.
It's not. This is Coney Island!
If this was Survivor, I'd vote Drew off the island.
When we get there, I'm gonna have to buy you one of those sandwiches.
Might as well buy me a heart attack with a side of diabetes.
I'm up, OK?! Are you happy now?! I mean, what does a woman have to do to get some rest around here?! GET SHOT?
If you know of any young men who would like to learn about the wonderful world of death, this scholarship is worth $250.
Sounds like ticket money to me!
DDoctor
There are various techniques that you can use to avoid injury while delivering an ass-whupping. There's the Two-Cheek Cross, the Roundhouse Booty Buster, or my personal favorite, the Kunta Kinte Will Breaker. In the wrong hands a beating can be called child abuse, but in the right hands it could be the difference between raising a Bill Gates or a Bobby Brown.
At the Death Jubilee, I was beginnin' to realize that the BFD was a bunch of BS.
My dad held on to money so tight, George Washington couldn't breathe.
[Serving dinner, which consists only of toast] See, I got wheat toast and white toast and raisin and crust and crustless.
No pumpernickle?
Mommy also has grape jelly, strawberry jelly, hot sauce...
Hot sauce?!
...cinnimon,
Hot sauce?
...honey, and syrup to dip your crust in.
Hot sauce?
[To Tonya] Um, did you finish up those quarters like I asked?
Yep, ten rolls.
[smiles] Good girl.
Hey Chris, can you pass me the hot sauce?
Hot sauce?
[to Malvo] Sir, you are smarter than a ninth-grader.
Malvo!
What?!
I've decided to help you.
[to a kid he's frightening] Looks like I won't be needing you after all, four-eyes!
What are you doin' to save the Earth?
I'm recycling cans, and the money I make I'm going to use to help the environment.
Just like the Republicans.
(Chris suggests that for his Earth Day project, he collect and recycle cans)
MMrs. Morello
(Sarcastically) That's wonderful! Then you can take the money and do something for the environment! You can plant a tree!
Maybe I can plant my foot in your be---
(Opening sequence cuts him off)
(Rochelle just went back to yelling)
"I'M BAAAACCCCKKKKKKK!!!
"""Rochelle: So, Tonya, I know you heard me scream yesterday.
"""Rochelle: No, it doesn't make any sense, but it so happens to be true
"""Narrator: Like When Bush Got Re-elected.
"""Narrator: BAck at home, my mother needed help too.
Narrator: Having my father help me with my Earth Day project seemed like a great idea until he found out about it
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.