You know what? I'm gonna change your name from Chrissy the Black to Chrissy the Black and Blue.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Even people who told other people not to gamble, gambled.
PPriest
Let me tell you this: Gambling is a sin! With a capital S!
SBScheckie the Bookie
Your friend, Doc... he needs to get unlucky... and he needs to get unlucky tonight. If he doesn't, I'm gonna see you tomorrow, and you don't wanna see me tomorrow.
I didn't wanna see you today.
And Chrissy the Black... You just out there out calling games like you in Atlantic City huh? Is that what you want to do if you grow up?
Notice: she said "if".
But I wasn't gambling.
You wasn't gambling... you better get ready to stop not gambling.
I found out one thing in life: If you want people to laugh, tell 'em a joke. Now, if you really want 'em to laugh, tell 'em a dirty joke.
While Drew was trying to make a clean break, I was getting down and dirty with my new jokes. I told the one about the guy who got bitten by the snake...
So the doctor said, "Make two cuts where your friend was bitten by the snake, and suck out the poison." So the guy gets back to his friend, and the friend said, "Well, what did the doctor say?" "You're gonna die."
I told one about the two guys on the bridge...
And so then the white guy said, "Man, this water's cold." And the black guy said, "Yeah, and it's deep too."
And I told the one about how to become an honorary Eskimo.
So he was bleeding, and his clothes were torn. So he walks in and says, "Now, where's the Eskimo woman I'm supposed to kill?"
Little dude from across the street! Does your momma know you out here tellin' jokes like that?
No.
Because if she did, she'd smack the smut outta me!
I'm too old for a blind date!
She wouldn't say that if it was Stevie Wonder.
Are you done?
Yeah. Why?
'Cause as far as I'm concerned, this time is next time.
Number 3!!!
[about the dinner Maxine served him] I can't eat this. My gout'll flare up.
Oh, don't worry, that's oven-fried chicken.
You can't understand comedy like this.
I understood it.
You understood which one?
All of 'em.
The one about the lady with the funny lips?
Yeah.
The one about makin' sandwiches?
Yeah.
The one about the black sheep?
Yeah.
The one about the Fukawi Indian?
Yeah.
What are you doing up?
I can't sleep.
Translation: He can't sleep.
A date? My mother is almost 60. How would she look out there tryin' to get a date?
Like Bea Arthur on The Golden Girls.
Ever since I was a kid, I always loved comedy. I loved cartoons, sitcoms and, most of all, stand-up comedians.
Some of this material is a little blue.
Blue?
Yeah, filthy, so if you hear something you ain't supposed to hear, turn it off.
Don't be so strict, old man!
Dirty jokes were one thing. Dirty words where a whole new ballgame.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.