Lexi Howard quotes from Euphoria

Lexi

Eww, God. What the... ? Did someone die in this dress? Smells like shit. [gags, then smiles] I love theater.

Lexi

You're being fucking rude.

Rue

Fuck.

Lexi

Rue, it's me. Are you okay?

Rue

You are so fucking stupid, Lexi.

Lexi

Why?

Rue

'Cause I already flushed everything down the fucking toilet.

Lexi

Well, I just came to check on you.

Rue

I don't want–I don't want you to fucking check on me, whether I'm fine or I'm not fine. What difference are you gonna make? Are–Are you gonna give me life advice? You gonna fucking help me?

Lexi

Well, you're one of my best friends.

Rue

Give me a fucking break. 'Cause we went to fucking pre-school together? That does not make us best fucking friends.

Lexi

You say all this, but what happens in three days when you knock on my door asking me to piss in some Tylenol bottle? What, you're gonna say the opposite? How we've known each other since pre-school and we're best friends? It's like you have a split personality disorder. Sorry if I miss the old you.

Kat

[to Cassie] I don't know what you're gonna say, but this feels like... really dramatic.

Yeah, this is spooky.

Cassie

It is not spooky, BB. I just–I need your advice on, like, two things. And I need you guys to promise me not to say a single fucking word. So, the night of Daniel's Halloween party, something happened.

Maddy

Wait, am I hearing this correctly? You wanna tell McKay that you made out with Daniel at the carnival and on Halloween?

Cassie

Yeah, but, I don't... I don't have to say it's Daniel.

Maddy

Bitch, that's the craziest idea I've ever heard. [looks over at Kat and BB] Right?

For sure.

Cassie

Yeah, but I wanna be honest with him.

Maddy

You cannot tell McKay.

Cassie

But it's not like I cheated-cheated.

Maddy

Kissing is worse. It's so much more intimate. And if anybody brings it up, you deny, deny, deny.

Cassie

Okay, but, I just don't want there to be something this bad between us forever.

Kat

I wouldn't worry about it. It's not like you guys are gonna be together forever.

Maddy

Kat, what the fuck is your problem? You're being a bad friend now. You were a bad friend to me, and this whole new personality is seriously unlikable.

World Star!

Kat

Why, because I won't sit and listen to you bitch and moan about your psychotic, abusive boyfriend who you've literally broken up with a thousand times?

Maddy

It was literally the lowest point in my life, so yeah. That and the fact that you're just fucking mean.

Kat

Maddy, ever since I've met you, all you talk about is yourself. Your clothes, your boyfriends, whatever superficial shit you think is so fucking important. Sorry I'm no longer interested.

Maddy

I don't know about everyone else, but I miss the old Kat. You know, the one who had a sense of humor and wasn't a fucking cunt?

[beat] Damn.

Lexi

[to Cassie] What was the other thing?

Cassie

What other thing?

Lexi

You said you needed advice on two things.

Cassie

I don't remember. What would you do?

Lexi

Um, I don't know. I've never really been in a situation where two guys have been interested in me.

Cassie

That's 'cause you're shy.

Lexi

I guess so, but I've also never been in a situation where I've been interested in two guys.

Cassie

That's also 'cause you're shy.

Lexi

Maybe.

Cassie

But if you were in my situation, what would you do?

Lexi

Honestly, I don't think I would say anything.

Cassie

What if not saying something makes you feel really bad?

Lexi

Worse than saying it?

Cassie

Yeah.

Lexi

Well, then, I don't think you have any other option.

Cassie

What if these are, like, the big moments in life? Like, my mom always talks about how high school was like this big, monumental part of her life. But I cannot imagine being 40 and looking back at this, like, "Wow."

Maddy

Yeah, but that's because most people peak in high school.

Kat

I definitely haven't peaked, so...

Lexi

I feel like I'm not even a person yet.

Cassie

Yeah, I'm definitely at, like, 25 percent peakness.

Jules

I feel like I'm at a hundred. But I can definitely get to 150.

Rue

Honestly, I never thought I'd make it this far.

Cassie

What do you mean?

Rue

I don't know. I just always had, like, this overwhelming anxiety that something bad would happen.

Maddy

In all fairness, last summer, there were, like, three weeks where I thought you were dead.

Jules

Okay, but she's been sober for, like, three months.

Maddy

[to Rue] Weren't you in rehab, like, six months ago?

Rue

Uh, yeah. [chuckles]

Fezco

Yo, you Rue's friend, right?

Lexi

Yeah, since preschool. Sorry, I don't know why I said that.

Fezco

Nah, you good. You met where you met. Yo, what was your name again?

Lexi

Lexi.

Fezco

Lexi... I like that. That's a nice name.

Lexi

Thanks.

Fezco

So did you, like, have a good Christmas, or are you Jewish or somethin'?

Lexi

Yeah, well, my mom's Jewish, but she always says, "If the Christians can steal Christmas from the pagans, then the Jews can also."

Fezco

You say the Christians stole Christmas?

Lexi

Well, in order to convert the Germanic pagans who, like, celebrated winter solstice and stuff, the Christians were like, "Fuck it. Let's just say Jesus was born this day, and you can hang tinsel and stuff."

Fezco

How you just go and change the man's birthday?

Lexi

Well, in the same way King James was rewriting the Bible on one side of the castle, and had witches trying to turn his pee into gold on the other.

Fezco

Yo, how the fuck do you know all this?

Lexi

I don't know, by reading.

Fezco

Do you, like, not believe in God? [Lexi shakes her head] Damn, Lexi... You fuckin' fearless.

Lexi

Thanks. Do you believe in God?

Fezco

Hell yeah, I believe in God.

Lexi

Like, there's a man sitting in the clouds... judging all of your actions and stuff?

Fezco

Hell yeah.

Lexi

Can I ask you a personal question?

Fezco

What's up?

Lexi

How do you justify dealing drugs, then?

Fezco

Well, I mean, my Uncle Carl got diabetes from eatin' too much McDonald's. You don't see nobody goin' after they ass.

Lexi

Yeah, but if I were God, I don't know if I'd let McDonald's CEO in Heaven. I'd be like, "Fuck that guy."

Fezco

Yeah, that's a good point. I have to get back to you on that one.

Fezco

Hey, where'd you go? I was startin' to miss you.

Lexi

That's not true.

Fezco

Why would I lie? You're, like, the coolest person in here. Yo, I gotta cut soon, but... I just wanna tell you that... talkin' to you was one of the best parts of my whole year.

Lexi

Yeah, right.

Fezco

Why you always doin' that shit?

Lexi

What?

Fezco

I don't know, like, doubtin' yourself and shit.

Lexi

Oh, I don't know. Do I do that?

Fezco

Mmm, kinda. Yo... Can I, like, get your phone number or somethin'?

Cal

Cassie, I asked you a question.

Lexi

She didn’t see anything.

Cal

I’m not asking you. I’m asking her.

Cassie

I already told Mrs. Jacobs I didn’t see anything.

Cal

I know. We just don’t believe you.

Cassie

I’m telling the truth.

Cal

Look, Cassie, I’m more than happy to get the Chief of Police, Bill Greenwood, involved. Old family friend. Maybe he should have this conversation with you. With everyone, in fact. You know? Get everyone’s cell phones. Text histories. Find out what exactly happened. Should we do that instead? [beat; Cassie looks over at Lexi] Don’t look at her. Look at me.

Lexi

Why would you say that?

Cassie

What?! What was I supposed to do?

Lexi

Not say anything.

Cassie

You heard him! He was going to call the police!

Lexi

No, he wasn’t. He was bluffing, and you fell for it ’cause you’re a fucking idiot!

Cassie

Why do you even care?!

Lexi

Because you just ruined someone’s life!

Cassie

Fezco almost killed Nate! That was his decision!

Rue

[V.O.] Lexi had thought about that night a lot. How could Fezco be so kind to her, and so violent towards Nate? She couldn’t remember the last time someone her age asked her so many questions about herself. He actually cared about what she had to say. And then, ten minutes later… almost beat Nate Jacobs to death. And even if Nate deserved it, it was a horrible thing to do. It made her think about her entire life. How she’s always been so passive. How she never had the courage to say anything. And even the time when she did get the courage to say something...

Lexi

Rue, you really need to get help.

Rue

What, are you gonna tell my mom or something?

Lexi

Yeah, if you don’t stop.

Rue

[V.O.] ...she backed down. She hated herself for being so weak and passive and afraid. So, a couple of days after Cal came over, she decided to say something.

Lexi

Why are you awake at 4 a.m?

Cassie

Why are you awake at 4 a.m?

Rue

[V.O.] Cassie decided to wake up at 4 a.m. that morning to get ready for school. She needed to clear her head. And for those three hours she spent getting ready… she only thought about one thing. There was also something refreshing about the amount of time she was putting into herself. She loved the ritual, the attention to detail... the anxiety and excitement she felt in her stomach. And even if Nate pretended not to notice her. It was her way of telling him that she was his.

[loitering in hallway with Rue] That’s a good-ass plan.

Rue

Thank you. Fuckin’ Fez didn’t even wanna hear it.

Why not?

Rue

Ego shit, man. [to Lexi in hallway putting up flyers over the official "Oklahoma" play production calling for auditions of her original play also entitled Oklahoma] Yo, Lex, what're you doin'?

Lexi

Oh, just putting up fliers for this play I'm doing.

Rue

What play? [V.O.] The only thing is... Lexi hadn't told anyone about the play... including Cassie.

Lexi

I'd actually love for you to read it. [aloud] Yeah, for sure. Just, uh, send it to me. [enters washroom]

Cassie

[enters washroom] Hey, Rue-Rue.

Rue

Hi, Cass. Wait, are you in the play?

Cassie

What play?

Rue

Lexi's play.

Cassie

What do you mean, Lexi's play?

Rue

Uh, the play that Lexi wrote.

Lexi

"Oklahoma".

Cassie

What?

Rue

The play's called "Oklahoma"?

Lexi

No, the drama club's doing "Oklahoma."

Cassie

Oh my god. Do I look like I'm in "Oklahoma"?

Rue

Why would your play be set in Oklahoma?

Cassie

[facing Rue with Lexi making a slash throat (meaning; stop talking) gesture behind her] You thought I was auditioning for "Oklahoma"?

Rue

I haven't read it, so...

Cassie

[Lexi frantically makes waving gestures (meaning; PLEASE stop talking) behind her] Are you making fun of me, or did you actually think I was auditioning for "Oklahoma"?

Maddy

[walks up with Kat] Why the fuck would you audition for "Oklahoma"?

Cassie

I'm not!

Maddy

Then why the fuck do you look like you're auditioning for "Oklahoma"?

Cassie

Do I?

Kat

Yes.

Cassie

Has everyone read "Oklahoma" but me?

Kat

"Oklahoma"'s not like a play you read.

Cassie

Rue, are you on drugs?

Rue

Yes.

Kat

You relapsed?

Cassie

Wait, what?!

Rue

Oh, I've just... nah, I've just been smokin' a little bit of weed.

Kat

Wait, I don't understand. If you're not auditioning for "Oklahoma," then why do you look like that?

Cassie

Like what?!

Maddy

Like a country music star.

Cassie

In a good way or a bad way?

Maddy

Bitch, you better be joking. Are you okay, Cass?

Cassie

No! Yes, fuck it! I am in love with Nate Jacobs and he is in love with me! And don't you fucking give me that look, Maddy, because I didn't fuck your boyfriend! You two were broken up for three weeks and three days before we even had sеx, so I didn't betray you! Plus, you guys are terrible for each other and you know I'm right and you guys can all judge me [turns head over left shoulder to Rue then back at Maddy and Kat] if you want, but I do not care! I have never, ever been happier!

Rue

[V.O.] But she didn't say that. In fact, it was much weirder. She just stared straight ahead like she's doing now and didn't say a word.

Lex… Hon, take these in the back and hide them in the bushes.

Lexi

You really think she’s gonna stab herself?

Your sister’s very emotional. Yes.

Lexi

Really?

In the bushes, now! Go! Hurry!

Rue

[V.O.] It was at some point while breaking branches off a tree in order to camouflage a bucket of kitchen knives in a bush… that Lexi started to have second thoughts about putting on her play.

Fezco

Well, you know what… what you should put in the play? That time I beat Nate’s ass at that party.

Lexi

[laughing] No! Oh, God! [Fez chuckles] I don’t know. Cassie isn’t doing too well. I’m worried that… she’s gonna see the play, and then, she’s gonna… freak out.

Fezco

Yeah, I mean… Everybody gets their feelings hurt, you know?

Lexi

Yeah.

Fezco

Some people… Some people need to get their feelings hurt sometimes.

Lexi

Yeah… It’s, like, the first time in my life I’m doing something for myself.

Fezco

Shit. What exactly is… the idea behind the play?

Lexi

I don’t know, it’s… it’s, like, about a group of girlfriends who sort of… grow up and grow apart.

Fezco

Damn, so it’s kinda like, Stand By Me vibes.

Lexi

Yes, exactly! I love that movie. That’s… exactly it.

Fezco

Hell yeah. Come on now. I’ve watched that film, like, 50 times.

Lexi

Have you really?!

Fezco

That’s my shit, come on. In fact, my grandma has it on DVD, you know?

Lexi

Should we watch it?

Rue

[V.O.] For the last few months, Lexi had been talking to Fezco every day.

Fezco

I still don't understand what the play is actually about though.

Lexi

It's about friendship.

Fezco

Well, that's nice. Everybody's gonna love that.

Lexi

Yeah, I–I mean, I hope so. I just... I keep second-guessing myself and getting anxious. Like, if people are gonna think that it's good or bad, or if it's gonna upset people or not.

Fezco

But why would anyone be upset by it?

Lexi

Oh, you know, it's–it's based on real people.

Fezco

Yeah, you really strokin' the bee's nest with that one.

Lexi

Am I?

Fezco

I mean... if someone invited me to a play, and... they didn't even tell me I was a character in it? I'd definitely have some questions.

Lexi

Like, bad questions?

Fezco

Depends on the play.

Lexi

Well, would you be upset by it?

Fezco

It depends on the play.

Lexi

Right.

And the intentions of the person who made the play.

Lexi

My intentions are good.

Fezco

Then you ain't got nothin' to worry about.

Lexi

But... what if they think my intentions aren't good when in reality they are good?

Fezco

Well, that's what I call a quandary.

Lexi

What’s the answer?

Fezco

Uh... Wait, what was the question again?

Lexi

Like, what happens if Cassie sees the play and thinks I’m being cruel, even though I’m not?

Fezco

Well, how about you just don’t invite her then?

Lexi

No, she’d get so mad.

Fezco

Even more mad than if she actually saw the play?

Lexi

That’s... I don’t know.

Lexi

Do you ever think about the future?

Fezco

Yeah, all the time.

Lexi

Really?

Fezco

Yeah.

Lexi

Like you have a plan?

Fezco

I mean, I don’t–I don’t got, like, a plan-plan, but I be thinkin' about livin' on a farm, you know?

Lexi

I don’t really see you as a farmer.

Fezco

Yeah, fuck it. Get some horses, cows, pigs, chickens, goats. Have a little family. Like some Little House on the Prairie type shit, you know?

Lexi

I don’t know if I know that show.

Fezco

You never heard of Little House on the Prairie?

Lexi

Okay, this might sound kinda crazy, but my plan is to have, like, three kids at 30. Like, each one a year and a half apart. So from 30 to 58, I can focus on, you know, being a good mom and raising my kids, etcetera, etcetera. And then, drop the last one off at college at 58, which will give me, like, 32 years to focus on me and live my life and take my time with writing.

Fezco

I mean, you really got this shit all figured out, huh?

Lexi

Yeah. [laughs] It’s kinda crazy, right?

Fezco

I mean… they got three kids in that show. There’s no need to forget your manners just because we’re hundreds of miles from civilized folk.

Lexi

If you lived in a place like this, do you think you’d have a gun?

Fezco

Hell yeah, I’d own a gun.

Lexi

I hate guns.

Fezco

Nobody’s ever got shot at and thought to theyself, “Whoa! Thank goodness we didn’t have a gun to shoot back.” You know?

Lexi

Yeah, but then what are the police for?

Fezco

Fucked if I know. Shit.

Lexi

Wait, are you on Instagram or Twitter?

Fezco

Hell nah.

Lexi

Really?

Fezco

Yeah.

Lexi

Why?

Fezco

Well, why would I want anybody knowin’ what I’m thinkin’ or feelin’?

Lexi

I don’t know. You can connect with people who have similar interests.

Fezco

Mmm... I just feel like people be sharin’ way too much on there.

Lexi

Online?

Fezco

Yeah. They be ruinin’ the mystery, you know? Like, say if I like a girl. I wanna find out what she’s about on my own, you know? I don’t wanna Google the scraps. I wanna peel back the layers.

Lexi

Yeah, but like, why would you wanna waste time getting to know someone… if you don’t have anything in common with them?

Fezco

I don’t know. That’s what I like about you the most, though. Like… we don’t really have nothin’ in common.

Lexi

That’s not true. We both… have the same sense of humor, and… are empathic and curious. [laughing] And wanna have, like, kids.

Fezco

Those aren’t interests, you know. Those are real character traits. That’s the important shit that people don’t post online.

Lexi

Yeah, I never thought about it that way.

Fezco

Well, aren't you glad that we became friends?

Lexi

Yeah… very much so.

Fezco

Yeah, me too.

Cassie

Lexi, is this the part of the play where I steal Jake from Marta?

Lexi

No, Cassie, that’s not in the play.

Maddy

It is now!

Who said that?

Look, I wanna say, I get it.

Cassie

Oh, God…

I understand what you’re going through.

Cassie

I do not wanna hear from you.

I lived it.

Wait, Hallie steals Marta’s boyfriend?

Cassie

I don’t know how many times I have to say this. They were not fucking together.

Maddy

Yeah, not only that, but she was fucking him the entire time Marta was talking about getting back together with him.

No… Why?

Maddy

Because Hallie is a two-faced cunt.

Cassie

I’m not a cunt! You’re the cunt!

Maddy

You’re the fucking cunt, bitch!

Cassie

I am not a fucking cunt!

Language, missy! [pause] Okay. Okay, you know what? You’re just fucking embarrassing yourself. Let’s go home.

Cassie

I’m not going home. The play’s not over.

Lexi

Oh, my God. I feel like I’m gonna throw up.

Rue

I think your play was the first time I was able to look at my life and not hate myself… for everything I’ve done.

Lexi

What do you mean?

Rue

I don't know. I’ve been through a lot, and I don’t know what to do with it. You’ve been through a lot, and you do know what to do with it.

Lexi

But you’ve been through a lot and you know what to do with it.

Rue

I don’t know about that. [pause] Lex, look what you made. I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to get to where you are. But I just wanted you to know that seeing it meant the world to me.