Catherine Banfield quotes from E.R.

Banfield

When your parents are gone, you're an orphan. Your spouse dies, you're a widow or widower. But when you lose your baby... there's no word for that.

Banfield

I used to think every day that, if God told me I could die and go to heaven and be with Daryl, I would do it. [pause] I wondered if that made me an awful person that I'd give up my life with you, give up everything we could still have in the future. [long pause] I never really got away from the feeling like I need to be with him, dreaming of him. Never got away from the idea, that somehow I'd be able to hold him again. [she pictures him, outside on a beautiful, sunny day, running towards her, into her arms, and they are both smiling, laughing, joyful] I've, I've been so afraid for so long. I don't want to be... afraid... anymore. [she breaks down and cries softly, Russell gently comforting her]

Banfield

[to Sandra] I've been doing this too long to make promises, but I'll tell you losing control is not going to help her. If that's what you gotta do, do it outside. In here, you be the mom, you be calm, you put energy into helping your girl fight back because that's what she needs.

Banfield

Dr. Morris, mind if I give you feedback?

Here we go.

Banfield

Control your emotions.

Can we not do this?

Banfield

Act like a leader...

Oh, come on. All the criticism, the bullying. That's how you get people to respect you?

Banfield

You have been storming around, sulking all day. You are an attending physician, not a toddler. Did you think that I was finished?

You know what, lady? Shut up! [long pause] We have been through hell here the last few weeks, but somehow we're getting through it and you know how? [voice rising] By showing up here every day and dedicating ourselves to this work. [shouting] You don't know us! You don't know this place! And the last thing we need is for some stranger to come in here and tell us how it's done!

Banfield

[very softly] I know that you lost a friend. [pause] And I'm sorry about that, but we will never have a conversation like this again. Understand?

Abby

You know, you won't really have me to beat up on, after tonight.

Banfield

So I understand. You know, despite some... obvious issues with authority, I'm wondering why you're leaving.

Abby

For my family. I have a husband and a little boy. You know, we just sort of need a... fresh start.

Banfield

[nods] How old is your son?

Abby

A little over two.

Banfield

That's a great age. I love that age. [pause] Well, your shift's almost over... Nice knowing you.

Abby

Good luck here. [they shake hands]

Banfield

Am I boring you, Dr. Gates?

Gates

Oh, sorry. It's the 6:00 a.m. shift; my brain is here, but my body isn't.

[about Claire] You know, about a month ago, I... um... caught her throwing rocks at the neighbor's dog. And then a few days later, she was trying to stick a metal rod through one of the fish in our tank. And I just tried to pretend it was normal. You know, just a kid acting out. I don't get it. Why her? Why our family?

Banfield

I don't know.

That's all you can say? You can't lie to me and tell me that she's gonna be okay? That she's gonna grow up to be a normal girl? I mean, that's why we come here, to get answers. You're gonna have to do better than that.

Banfield

I'm sorry. That's all I have.

Well, that's not good enough, doctor.

Banfield

Claire, we have video cameras in the ceilings of our trauma rooms. We saw you adjust the ventilator and light the sheet on fire.

I didn't want to kill her. I just wanted to mess her up.

Banfield

You did.

If she's in the hospital, Mom will see what a good girl I am. She won't be blaming me for everything.

Banfield

Is that why you pushed her off the wall?

Banfield

Claire, they're accusing your mother of child abuse which means she could go to jail, and your sister and you could both go to foster homes. Now, something tells me that she doesn't hit you two and she didn't push your sister. Did you do it, Claire? Did you?

It was cool seeing her lying there all pale, with blood coming out. And then when she couldn't move, and her legs were getting burned. It was great.

Banfield

That made you feel good?

Really good.

Brenner

We work under a lot of stress, so when something good does happen, why not enjoy it, just have some fun?

Banfield

There is no room for levity in the ER.

Brenner

No offense, but if that's your attitude, then your day is always gonna suck.

Your son died in this ER and you're working here?

Banfield

I'm not sure why I've done anything I've done since that day. Why'd I not leave my apartment for almost 2 years? Then I see the news about the tsunami and I fly to a place 10 thousand miles away. Why'd I do that? Why'd I come back? Why did my son have leukemia? I never understood any of it.

Gates

Can I hug you? I wanna hug you.

Banfield

You try that and you'll be the one with a traumatic injury.

[singing] Oh, the weather outside is...

No winners yet! [singing] ... Delightful/And since we've no place to go/Let it...

Banfield

Stop! Let it stop! Make it stop!

Banfield

What are you doing?

Wiggling and jiggling.

Banfield

[after the death of a patient] We can't see the future.

Sometimes we can, actually with this handy new technology called the CT. You heard of it?

Banfield

Fine. Do I wish I could do it over? Yeah, I do. There was no way to know.

Gates was begging to get the scan.

Banfield

Gates is a resident.

Don't make this about hierarchy. If any of us refuse to hear another opinion, the entire system breaks down.

Banfield

What system? You guys don't have a system. All I see here is chaos and disorder.

Well, maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's why after five months, you still don't get it. You still don't fit in.

Banfield

Fit in? This isn't junior high.

We are a team. We work together, but you think that you're so much better than all of us, so much smarter, you'll never let yourself be part of it. If you wanna be a queen, go into private practice, go back to Indonesia, leave medicine altogether, but don't torture us here.

Banfield

So tell me, when did you first work here?

Carter

I was a med student in the ER in 1994.

Banfield

You know Mark Greene, then?

Carter

Yeah. I knew Mark Greene. Yup. I learned a lot from him.

Banfield

...When can you start?