Rodolfo Rivera quotes from El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera

[sighs] What am I going to do with that boy?

Grandpapi

Don't worry, someday Manny will be a truly great villain.

Hero, he'll be a hero!

Frida

So, what now?

Oh, uh, maybe, uhh… Hide Sartana's loot and tell my dad it disappeared?

Frida

Dude, you are an artist.

Frida

[noticing Manny looking really upset] Dude, why so mopey? You're acting like they just outlawed churros. [gasps] They didn't, did they?

Manny

[ashamed] (No.) My dad is super mad at me. I totally been messing up with him lately.

Frida

Do tell. [grabs and pulls him by the collar; shouting in demand] I SAID TELL!

Manny

Okay, okay! Like, yesterday, me and Dad were doing a little crime-fighting.

You do not have a chance. Dr Chipotle Sr's son is sneaking up behind you.

That's where you're wrong. Because my son has taken care of him. Right, Manny? Manny?

[playing a video game] I'm on it, Dad! High Score!

[annoyed] Ah, I see. [gets blasted by Dr. Chipotle Jr.]

Manny

And later, me and Dad caught El Oso robbing a factory… An underpants factory.

[kicks the doors open] El Oso, drop those drawers! [Manny bursts out in a fit of hysterical laughter; confused] What? What's so funny? [El Oso rises behind him and uses a pair of pink thongs, giving him an atomic wedgie; screams in pain]

Manny

You try to keep a straight face in a room full of pink thongs.

Frida

Dude, preaching to the choir.

Manny

How am I gonna make it up to him?

Frida

You could clean your room. [Manny annoyingly looks at her] Sorry, talking crazy.

Just heading out to check with my "anonymous source." Who might have information that could help you prevent crimes.

[lowering the newspaper; agitated] Manny… I can't even LOOK at you right now. Seriously, it pulls my hair.

Dad, my source says Voltura is robbing the science tower! And if you hurry, you can nab her!

This is excellent, Manny! Ooh, and I'll work undercover to protect your source! Ok, be good!

Manny, as your father, it is my job to keep you safe. I'm afraid I must forbid you to fight giant robots!

Aw, Dad, just one more?

Adios, Giant Robot Sanchez! [gives Robot Sanchez a mighty punch]

BO-BO-BEEP.

Now clean up this mess! And when you get home, we will have our 700 talk about crime-fighting safety, but LOUDER this time! [walks away]

[frustrated] Why is he always so worried about my safety when I never even think about it?

Manny

[annoyed] Dad, you said we were gonna protect the city today, not plant daisies.

Rodolfo

Icelandic poppies!

Mom, are you okay? [points to the glove] Get your hand off my mom!

Maria

Manny, it's not what you think.

Maria, you said the glove was destroyed in the jaws of the Robasura.

Maria

I thought it was. [Flashback to the events of "A Mother's Glove", when the glove lands in the Robasura and gets crushed by its jaws after its battle with Manny; voice-over] But a few days later, it showed up on my doorstep, hurt and scared. I just couldn't turn it away. As I nursed it back to health, I realized the glove was good inside. Tests in my home lab showed that if I wore the glove for only one hour at a time, I could control the danger mania. Even a few seconds more, and I become… unstable. So, the glove and I made a deal. [Flashback ends] I will use my Plata Peligrosa powers to help those in need, but when my watch alarm sounds, it must get off my hand. Right, "Glovey?"

That's great, Mom.

Frida

You have a home lab?

Maria

Now, I can help my boys out in a crisis.

[gazing dreamily at her] You called me handsome.

Maria

Rodolfo, don't listen to what I say when I'm wearing the glove. I'm not myself. [Rodolfo puckers up his lips to kiss her; puts her hand on his mouth] You and I always be just friends.

Of course. I understand completely. [Maria walks off] She called me handsome!

Frida

Wow, your mom and dad, a crime-fighting team. Maybe they'll get back together. [imitates kissing while rubbing Señor Chapi's head] Oh, Rodolfo, you're so handsome.

[touched while blushing] Ah, viva pantalones.

Manny

Cut it out, Frida. We both know my parents are better off apart.

Frida

Yeah, but does your dad know?

Manny

Sure he does. Probably. Down deep. Anyway, as long as he keeps his mind off beautifying the city.

Rodolfo

Maria, we have been seeing a lot of each other lately, and… No, that's not right. [clears throat] Mi vida, I, that is, um… I need to ask you, will you have coffee with me?

Frida

Manny, it's just coffee.

Manny

You know what happens after a man and woman have coffee?

Frida

[gasps] Danish?

Manny

No! They have a real date!

What's that noise?

Wind.

Frida

Elephants.

Airplane.

Frida

Thingy-thing.

[looks up and gasps] Maria! [Maria's eyes light up in flames and she suddenly goes completely insane with danger and beats up the monsters, violently; utterly shocked] I have never seen so much grotesque grotesquely. That's not like Maria. It's not love!

[grabs Rodolfo by the collar] You and I belong together, White Pantera! Come on. Spend your life with me, crushing evil, and laughing in danger, and never taking this glove off! [laughs wickedly insane]

You know what's funny? If not for this inexplicable string of crimes and disasters, I would have been beautifying the city with Manny and Frida instead of… giving them lots of money?

Frida

How you doing?

Rodolfo

Manny, I must speak to you, now. [drags him into his room] I arrange for you to meet the Golden Eagle Twins, and you drop a stolen churro truck on them?!

What truck? And it's not my fault.

Rodolfo

[sighs] No, mijo, it isn't. It's my fault. I have been a poor role model. [sniffs sadly] I have failed you. [starts sobbing]

No, Dad, you're the best. But if it'll make you better, I'll hang out with the twins.

Rodolfo

I can always count on you, mijo. Now let's go share the good news.

Manny

The whole city still loves the twins, and I get blamed for everything. You believe me, right, Dad?

Rodolfo

Yes, mijo, and I am very proud of you.

Manny

You are?

Rodolfo

Of course. You sacrificed yourself for the good of others. It doesn't get much more heroic than that.

Manny

Thanks, Dad. [looks at the police officers, revealing that they're in the prison infirmary] Um, could you tell that to these guys?

Grandpapi

Me favorite cologne, old and spicy! [puts on the cologne] Thank you, son.

Rodolfo

[wearing a gas mask] Happy Father's Day, Papi.

Rodolfo

[failing to catch El Oso without his White Pantera boots] I'm sure the police can handle it.

I think I wet myself.