Benton Fraser quotes from Due South

They... they say that you believe in people. That you're the only one in the neighborhood without locks on his doors.

Fraser

Yes... well, that's not entirely intentional.

Vecchio

Someone stole 'em.

Vecchio

Okay, we saved his life for fifteen seconds, now what?

Fraser

You take the big one, I'll take the bigger one.

Vecchio

Fraser, there's three of them. Can't I just shoot them?

Are you gonna call him off?

Fraser

Diefenbaker, off! He never listens.

Vecchio

I think she was nearsighted.

Fraser

Who?

Vecchio

Chick with the bike.

Fraser

Oh, you mean at the coffee shop?

Vecchio

Yeah.

Fraser

Well, she was probably too young for you, Ray.

Vecchio

No, no, it's not her, it's just that she didn't notice my je ne sais quois.

Fraser

[puzzled] From the French, meaning 'I don't know what'?

Vecchio

Ohhhh, no. I know that tone in your voice. You think I'm being cheap.

Fraser

No! I think there's nothing wrong with being frugal, Ray, and if you can't afford to buy presents, well, getting them for opening a bank account is a viable if not inventive alternative.

Vecchio

Look, kid, you're not the only one who saw a face. This guy was so close to you he could count your pores. How hard do you think it'll be for him to find out where you live? You put the finger on this guy and we can protect you, but if you don't -

Fraser

- we'll still protect you.

Vecchio

Maybe he will, but I won't, and no other cop will either!

Fraser Sr.

[as ghost] Hello, son.

Hello, dad. How are you?

Fraser Sr.

I'm dead, son. Other than that, do you mean?

No, that's what I was asking.

Is there any insanity in our family?

Fraser Sr.

No, not that I'm aware of.

[relieved] Good.

Fraser Sr.

Well, there was your uncle Tiberius who died wrapped in cabbage leaves, but we assumed that was a freak accident.

Fraser Sr.

Count to three and rise up together shooting!

I don't carry a weapon.

Fraser Sr.

You what?

I don't carry a weapon!

Fraser Sr.

Is that smart, son?

Well, it's the law, dad.

Fraser Sr.

No time for niceties. [pulls out his gun] Here, use mine.

Well, I appreciate the offer, but it's imaginary.

Fraser Sr.

[disappointed] Oh. So it is.

Drive, quick! Before he comes back!

Vecchio

Who?

My father. Drive. Go!

Vecchio

Fraser, your father's dead!

I know, and I don't mean to speak ill of him, it's just he's driving me nuts.

Vecchio

Your father.

He's not really here. I know that. It's all in my mind. It's just he refuses to stay there, or rather, he refuses to leave there. I don't really understand it, but I'll tell you, it's beginning to wear a little thin! I mean, does he think I'm completely ignorant? The next thing he's going to do, he's going to try to show me how to light a fire! You know, Ray, I've got half a mind just to tell him to pack up and move out?

Vecchio

Of your mind.

Yes.

Fraser Sr.

Hello, son.

Oh, god, he's back.

Look, I can't see why we aren't playing for real money. I mean, we're cops! What are we gonna do, arrest ourselves?

Vecchio

No, but he will.

Fraser

I'm sorry. I would feel honor-bound.

You're never gonna track a cell. It's a nightmare.

Fraser

Not really. Not if you've tracked caribou.

Vecchio

Fraser? Let's try this one more time, okay? We're in Chicago. We're not tracking caribou. We're tracking gunrunners.

Fraser

Ray, I don't mean to press the point, but we're standing behind a 1971 Buick Riviera. They, on the other hand, are hurtling down a hill at roughly 47 miles an hour in a six-ton steel-plated military weapons carrier.

Vecchio

Works for me!

Vecchio

Why are you doing this to me, Fraser?

Fraser

Well, I told him I'd help.

Vecchio

You tell that to everybody!

Vecchio

Fraser, there's a guy on my corner who asks me every morning if I've seen God. Do you think he really expects me to point him out?

Fraser

Well, you know, if you did, Ray, perhaps he'd stop asking.