[throws Drake] Whoops.
Not bad.
Well, there's a lot more where that- [Drake wrestles back] ahh!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Drake and Lucy continue their wrestling match downstairs, ruining Josh and Mindy's dinner as Megan and the kids cheer]
[incredibly furious after making Drake stop fighting by picking him up] IT'S A DRAW!
CMr. Crenshaw
Josh, who are these people?
Uh, this is my brother Drake. Drake, this is-
CMrs. Crenshaw
He's your brother?
CMr. Crenshaw
I knew it! I knew these were not the kind of people our daughter should be associating with. Mindy, we're going!
Dad, mom, wait!
[incredibly furious at Drake] You see what you do? 1 night. 1 night, I ask you to help me and you ruin it!
Josh.
[still incredibly furious] Look, I-I told you how important this was to me. I told you that this was my last chance to impress Mindy's parents. I-I spent like 2 days working on this dinner and I spent like 300 bucks on a dumb harpist, who at this point, SHOULD STOP PLAYING! [the harpist stops playing] And I don't even care what you think of Mindy, alright? Because she is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't date her anymore because you wrecked it! Alright, y-y-you you wrecked my dinner, you wrecked my $100 ice sculpture, and you wrecked my relationship!
[confused] Y-You spent $100 on ice?
[Josh attacks him and begins to fight with him]
[breaks up the brothers from fighting] Stop!
CMr. Crenshaw
Listen, Josh. I think...that you and Mindy should continue dating.
[surprised] For real?
[also surprised] Why'd you changed your mind?
CMrs. Crenshaw
Because any young man who cares that much about our Mindy. I think you understand.
[relieved] Thank you so much, Mr. & Mrs. Crenshaw.
CMr. Crenshaw
Just one thing.
Yes, sir?
CMr. Crenshaw
[to Drake and Lucy] What were you two fighting about?
Oh, see, I challenged him to a wrestling match because he didn't believe that I was tougher than him.
CMr. Crenshaw
Well, of course you're not. [chuckles]
Huh?
CMr. Crenshaw
Physically, boys are genetically superior to girls.
Ah, thank you.
CMrs. Crenshaw
Oh, Paul, you sound like an idiot.
You tell him, mom.
CMrs. Crenshaw
You know, fighting has to do with skill, not male-vs-female genetics.
CMr. Crenshaw
Oh, don't be absurd. Men are tougher than women.
CMrs. Crenshaw
Oh, I have stakes tougher than you.
Well, I guess there's only one way to settle this.
BBoy
FIGHT!
[Mindy's parents get into a fight as the episode ends]
What just happened?
You said you were gonna get Josh!
HUH?
[Drake and Josh find a sheep in the garage in the middle of the night]
What up with the sheep?
[comes in the garage] Why are you guys in the garage? Did you hurt my sheep?
This thing's yours?
Yes, he's mine. Are you okay, Baaahhb?
His name is Bob?
No, he's a sheep, his name is Baaahhb!
It's not Bob, it's Baaahhb.
[stares at Drake] Yes, I get it. [to Megan] Here's a crazy question, where'd you get a sheep?
I bought him on the internet.
[sarcastically] Oh, excuse me for not being familiar with the sheepstore.com.
I thought mom and dad said you can't have a pet.
No, they said I couldn't have a cat. They said nothing about a sheep.
Well, when mom and dad find Baaahhb, you're going to be in some big time trouble, little girl.
No, they're not gonna find it because you two are gonna hide him in your room.
Oh, really.
And what makes you think we're gonna do that?
Well, if you two hide him, just till I figure out a way to explain to mom and dad.
Yeah.
What?
I promise not to pull any pranks on you for 3 months.
[Drake and Josh both gasp]
For real?
You swear.
Swear.
Think about it.
A world where Megan doesn't do bad things to us.
[Drake and Josh both have a daydream set at a garden where Megan happily throws flowers at them and they dance together; back to reality]
DJDrake and Josh
We'll do it. [suddenly let go of their hands in disgust]
Excellent.
But just for a few days.
That's all I need. Now you take Baaahhb up to your room and make him comfortable. [she gives her pet sheep to Drake and Josh] And uh, be sure he has plenty of water. Night! [leaves the garage]
Alright, we should take Bob up to our-
It's Baaahhb!
[Josh sprays Drake's face to make him hush]
[The sheep tore their room up]
What did you do?
I didn't do anything! I-I-It was him, the sheep did this.
[Drake and Josh feel tried and go upstairs as they bring Baaahhb up to their room when they tried to avoid showing it to Audrey and Walter]
[tired] Oh, we did it.
[tired, picks up the lamb] Yeah.
[tired] Yeah, come on. Come on. Alright. Now. Uh, you... [now awake] You stay here with the baby and Baaahhb. I'm gonna go downstairs and make sure mom and dad aren't suspicious. [opens the door and screams at Audrey and Walter who look suspicious, much to his horror, he closes the door in front of them and runs up to Drake as he feels shocked] THEY'RE SUSPICIOUS!
[Audrey and Walter come inside Drake and Josh's room and find two sheep in their room thinking they had caused all the trouble they've done]
Well, we came up here to ask why you guys are acting so strange tonight.
But, uh, maybe a better question would be: Um, why do you have 2 sheep in your room?
Like technically, the little one is called a lamb.
Josh.
You, alright, this is all Megan's fault!
Here we go again.
No, it is. Oh, go, okay, she bought the big one online.
And then it gave birth on my bed.
[whining] And the whole thing's been really upsetting!
Okay. So you want us to believe that a sweet little 11-year-old girl somehow managed to go on the internet and buy herself a pregnant sheep.
It does sound unlikely.
It's true!
It's true!
[comes home from oboe practice and goes inside Drake and Josh's room] Hey, what's going on?
Ha! Now she can tell you herself.
Yeah. You put down your oboe and tell them what they did!
What are you guys talking-? [sees a sheep in Drake and Josh's room and drops her oboe] Wow! A sheep! How cute! [gives the sheep a hug] Oh. Where'd you guys get him?
[Audrey and Walter stare at Drake and Josh as Megan pretends to not know about the sheep]
[worried] What? You got-you-you know good and well.
How long are we grounded?
A month.
[defeated] Fair enough.
[Audrey and Walter are both satisfied that Drake and Josh are both grounded for one month, the lamb baas whiles Megan hugs a sheep]
[During Drake and Josh's final night of their punishment]
That's it, 30 days. [crosses out day on the calendar] Tomorrow we are free men.
[brushing his teeth] Yeah, it's about time.
Can I ask your opinion on something serious?
Is this about your rash?
No!
[on why she won't go on a cruise] Boats sink.
It's not a boat, it's a ship. And ships don't sink.
Tiiiiiiiiiiitanic.
That was just a movie.
Based on a true story!
...For real?
Where have you been?
I told you, I went to go get a corn dog.
It took you over an hour just to get 1 corn dog?!
I also had a drink.
Do you ever clean this car? It's full of trash.
Hey, everything in this car is very important to me!
[holding up a dead bird] Like this dead bird?
Aw, Tweeter died!
[arrives with his and Josh's drink] Here.
Hey.
Her plane take off yet?
Nah. I think it's about to.
Hey, what time does she land in Denver?
WWomen
Uh, you mean the plane that just boarded?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
WWomen
That flight's going to Los Angeles.
No it's not.
It's going to Denver. [drinks his soda then throws it, surprised] PLEASE TELL ME THAT FLIGHT'S GOING TO DENVER!
[he and Josh walk up to the lady] Um, excuse me.
Look!
That flight's that's about to leave. It's going to Denver right? Say right?
No, this is 647 to Los Angeles. The Denver flight number is 746.
Oh, yeah.
[angrily] Oh, YEAH? You put our 11 year old little tween sister on a plane to the wrong city!
Alright, alright this is no time to panic!
This is the perfect time to panic! YOU GOTTA STOP THAT PLANE!
That's impossible.
W-W-W-Well, why JUST CALL THE PILOT MAN AND TELL HIM TO TURN THE PLANE OFF AND NOT TO FLY AWAY.
I'm sorry but once the doors of the plane have been closed the flight can't be stopped from taking off.
[worried] Okay.
We understand.
We'll respect your rules.
Let's go home Josh.
[worried]' Certaily:
Security! Security to gate 9A. [security run to pick up Drake and Josh] SECURITY!
[angrily while being dragged away by security] OH THATS MY LEGS, DO YOU HAVE A PERMIT FOR THIS? DO YOU HAVE A PERMIT?
[after airport security had detained Drake and Josh]
HSHead of Security
Alright boys, I hope you learned a very important lesson on how seriously we take airport security.
Oh, we learned. Especially during the strip search.
Which was shockingly thorough.
HSHead of Security
We do our best. Alright, have a nice day. [to Josh] And good luck with that rash.
[angrily] Yeah, thanks. Okay, what do we do? How do we find Megan?
Relax, I'll call her cellphone and tell her when she lands in LA just get on another flight back to San Diego. [he calls Megan]
[Megan's cellphone rings]
[takes it out and reveals that he has Megan's cellphone as he answers it] Hello?
[angrily] YOU FORGOT TO GIVE HER CELLPHONE BACK!?!? MAN THAT'S JUST GREAT THAT'S AWESOME!
DO NOT GIVE ME YOUR TUDE, I DIDN'T FLY HER OFF TO THE WRONG CITY!
Oh don't you hang up on me!
Oh, just come on! Uh, excuse me ma'am.
[pulls out mace] Yes?
We need 2 tickets on the next flight to Los Angeles.
We're going to LA?
We're going to LA!
Excuse me? I think the pilot made a mistake. This plane is going to Denver, right?
AAttendant
No, we're in route to Los Angeles.
Los Angeles? Not Denver?
AAttendant
No.
...Those dumb boobs.
[Megan arrives in Los Angeles]
Hi.
Yes, can I help you?
Well see, I wasn't supposed to fly here to Los Angeles but my 2 boobish brothers put me on the wrong plane. So could you please put me on a flight to Denver?
Let me check the computer and see what's available.
Cool.
Uh oh.
What?
Denver's experiencing severe thunderstorms so all flights there have been cancelled till the weather's clear.
Okay. Guess I'm spending the night in LA.
Can I help you arrange a ride somewhere?
Uh yeah, that'd be awesome.
Taxi or limo?
Limo.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Drake & Josh pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.