Doctor Who quotes

Preparations will begin at once to free our army from the Ice. We have been delayed, not defeated. The Daleks are never defeated!

[referring to the monitor's display] Jo, look. That's Skaro.

Jo

Yes....

Any regrets?

Jo

Not really...

Jo... That's only one little world. There's so many hundreds of others to see.

Jo

There's only one little world I want to see right now. [presses a few buttons on the TARDIS console] That one.

That one? But Jo, that's Earth.

Jo

That's right, Doctor. Home.

Home it is, Miss Grant.

Oh, better save the lamps, eh?

Jo

Right, OK.

Jo

Bert? How can light get down here?

Well, it can't.

Jo

Then how can I see you?

Hey, that's funny.

Jo

What's that smell? It's like something rotting!

Hey, look.

Jo

Ugh, that smell! What is it?

I've never seen anything like it!

Jo

I wouldn't touch--

Agh! It burns!

Well, I never thought I'd fire in anger at a dratted caterpillar, but...

No, not a chance, Brigadier. Thick chitinous plates protecting the whole body surface. It's armour plated.

In the end, we all want the same thing: an ordered society, with everyone happy and well fed...

...Global Chemicals taking all the profits.

What's best for Global Chemicals is best for the world, is best for you.

Such as a little touch of brainwashing?

Freedom from fear, freedom from pain...

...freedom from freedom.

You got onto your uncle at United Nations, didn't you?

Jo

It's only the second time I've ever asked him for anything.

Yes, and look where the first time got you.

Jo

You don't mind, do you?

Mind? He might even be able to turn you into a scientist.

Jo

Don't go too far away, will you? And if you do, come back and see us sometime.

Yes.

Jo

Thank you. Lovely.

Save me a piece of wedding cake.

Jo

Right.

Oh, I nearly forgot. Your wedding present. [Gives her the blue Metabelis crystal]

Jo

It's beautiful. Thank you, Doctor.

Hey, Jo, come and drink a toast to the happy couple.

Jo

But that's us!

Aye, so it is. Don't worry, Doctor. I'll look after her.

How kind of you to drop in, Doctor. I've been looking forward to having a little chat with you.

Who are you? Where are you?

[laughs] You disappoint me, Doctor. I should have thought you'd have guessed. I am the boss. I'm all around you.

Exactly. I am the computer.

Well, Doctor, have you nothing to say?

(Derisively.) Why should I want to talk to a machine?

Oh really, Doctor! As far as I can gather from your computer record at UNIT, the difficult thing is to stop you talking. (Laughs.) No, no, no, you won't provoke me so easily.

You're still a machine.

And you? And your human friends? Aren't you machines - inefficient and organic machines?

No.

No?

(Thinks.) Then yes.

The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. We are more than machines.

Ah! Thank you - because in that case, so am I.

What are you then?

I am the first Biomorphic Organisational Systems Supervisor.

(Spells.) B, O, double S - the BOSS!

Precisely!

(Amused.) Ha!

Ah! My designers also found it amusing. I find it suitable.

You're still nothing but a gigantic adding machine like any other computer.

Oh no! No, no, no, no - I am the only computer ever to be linked to a human brain.

Stevens?

Yes - Stevens! And I learned from him that secret of human creativity is inefficiency.

The human brain is a very poor computer indeed. It makes illogical guesses which turn out to be more logical than logic itself.

Yes, infuriating, isn't it?

I programmed Stevens to programme me to be inefficient. I am now self-controlling, I am self-sufficient, I am the greatest being this planet has ever seen - I am the BOSS!

Today Llanfairfach, tomorrow the world, eh?

How well you understand me, Doctor.

A machine - a megalomaniac machine...

And as such, uniquely fitted to carry out my prime directive.

And that is?

Efficiency, productivity and profit for Global Chemicals, of course. Nothing and nobody can be allowed to stand in the way of that! Not even you, Doctor...

A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.

Sarah Jane

[the Doctor has ferreted out Sarah Jane's identity] Are you going to give me away, Doctor?

I don't think so.

Sarah Jane

[suddenly cheering] Why not?

[leans back, tents his fingers] Well, you can make yourself useful. We need someone around here to make the coffee.

Sarah Jane

[incensed] If you think I'm going to spend my time making cups of coffee for you...

Professor! Would you kindly desist? This isn't a blackboard, you know!

Oh, I do beg your pardon, Doctor. I was just trying to prove...

Sarah Jane

What are you going to do in there?

[opens the TARDIS door] Make myself a cup of coffee. Good day to you.

Sarah Jane

Look, please. Now you've had your laugh, now, you know, just let's stop it and let's talk sensibly. I mean, if it's any consolation to you, you're scaring me out of my wits.

Perhaps the wench is crazed, Captain.

Sarah Jane

Oh, come on. What is this place?

You are in the castle of Irongron, my lady. Few uninvited guests come here and few that do leave alive.

Sarah Jane

All right, if you insist on playing guessing games. Now, it's not a village pageant, it's too elaborate for that. A film set. No. No, no lights, no cameras.

Aye, the wench is crazed right enough. A pity. She is not uncomely.

Sarah Jane

I've got it! It's one of those tourist places. A medieval castle all restored to its original condition, with jolly banquets and buxom serving wenches. That's it, isn't it? Mind you, I think you're overdoing the sordid realism a bit. I mean, I know things were a bit grotty in the Middle Ages, but, really, you might leave the tourists a bit of glamorous illusion. I've never seen such a scurvy, smelly--

For pity's sake, cease this babbling, girl!

Ah, I understand. You have a primary and a secondary reproductive cycle. [beat] It is an inefficient system, you should change it.

Sarah Jane

You're serious, aren't you?

About what I do? Yes, not necessarily the way I do it.

By heavens, Bloodaxe, 'tis like a tin tadpole - you cut off its head, and yet it wriggles!

Waiting for this mysterious scientific advisor of yours to turn up?

That's right, sir.

[Sarcastically] I suppose he'll just materialize out of thin air.

Very probably.