Louisa Glasson quotes from Doc Martin

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I'm assuming you have a regular dental hygiene routine.

Louisa Glasson

Well obviously not in the last few hours, but thank you very much - yes I have.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Well that would suggest rhinositis or gastro-oesophagal reflux.

Louisa Glasson

Are you saying I've got bad breath?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I just think it would be wise to rule out any infections of the aero-digestive tract. Obviously a dietary explanation would be the happiest outcome.

So are you going to be our new headteacher?

Louisa Glasson

It's not for me to say, Peter.

Are you going to do something with the I.T. Department?

Louisa Glasson

What I.T. Department?

Exactly.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Well, as I have just explained to Peter, you are a, er, er, woman.

Louisa Glasson

Oh. Glad you noticed.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Yeah, years of medical training.

Louisa Glasson

What are you watching? Turn it off!

Oh, but they were just about to eat the virgin's eyeballs.

Louisa Glasson

Off! Martin?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

He told me it was educational.

Louisa Glasson

Yes, and he just said the words "virgin's eyeballs".

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Is that bad?

Louisa Glasson

Ten year olds don't always know what's best for them.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I did.

Louisa Glasson

Yes, but you're a bit different from the rest of us.

Louisa Glasson

Martin. About this morning...

Dr. Martin Ellingham

What? About your visit to the snake charmer?

Louisa Glasson

I'm sorry you've closed your mind to alternative medicine. But you know that can be effective sometimes.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Frequently is, but unfortunately for my patients with this woman it's a lottery.

Louisa Glasson

Why do you have to upset everyone? When you are with patients, why can't you make an effort? Just *smile*! Try to a small talk! Have a laugh!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Sick people don't want a laugh. They want a doctor who knows what is doing.

Louisa Glasson

They want a bedside manner.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

A bedside manner can't cure you.

Louisa Glasson

It makes them feel better.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Can it diagnose an illness in a scanner? Write a prescription?

Louisa Glasson

You know what I mean. Please, for once *just* agree with me. Do *you* know what I'm trying to say?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Actually I find you hard to understand best of times. Whatever you say or do makes no sense to me.

Louisa Glasson

What are we talking about? Are we talking about...? What are we talking about?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I'm not quite sure.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I'm sure that unless this is absolutly an emergency...

Louisa Glasson

I'll consider this an emergency of sorts. You might not think that you are a part of this village but you are, like or not. We are an small community, almost a family. And sometimes people are feeling left out by the way you are. And sometimes people think that you just don't care. And I think that it's about time that someone tells you that.

Louisa Glasson

Stewart can help you. He's the ranger for that area.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

To be honest I would prefer not. His best friend is a 6 feet squirrel.

Louisa Glasson

Martin, there are twenty things about you that are crap.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Thank you.

Louisa Glasson

But if you were a stick of rock, you'd be Martin Ellingham all the way through.

Louisa Glasson

Underneath the gruff, monosyllabic, well-meaning but rude person, you're... gruff, monsyllabic, and, well, rude.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

What about well-meaning?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(Looking into Louisa's eyes) You're so beautiful. You're so very beautiful - d'you know that? All I think about, every day, is just catching a glimpse of you.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(Whispers) Oh, Louisa!

Louisa Glasson

(Whispers) Shhh. Don't spoil it.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I love you. I love you.

Louisa Glasson

Martin, this bloody table's in the way.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I embarrassed myself.

Louisa Glasson

No you didn't embarrass yourself. And I'm really glad that you said what you said. I just wish I'd had chance to say that I do too. I love you too.

Louisa Glasson

What?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Love is...

Louisa Glasson

What?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's a difficult word when you think that we don't actually know each other that well.

Louisa Glasson

Martin, we've known each other quite a while now.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Strictly speaking, for you to say you love me when you can't possibly know that you do is... potentially... delusional.

Louisa Glasson

Oh!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

There are certain quite well-known disorders where a person falls, without good reason, for someone else and believes that they love them.

Louisa Glasson

(Gobsmacked) Pardon?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

De Clerambault's Syndrome, for instance. Also known as erotomania. More common in women. They fall for a man of higher social standing.

Louisa Glasson

Martin! What the hell are you talking about?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Delusional romantic attachments. Often associated with an excessive intrusiveness into the life of the object of the irrational affection. Stalking, if you like.

Three miles off the coast. Nelson's Point. You know it?

Al Large

Yes.

A Spanish trawler at half mile off Nelson's Point. Tell them that Terry is sending. Say: "Terry me manda a por el paquete."

Al Large

Oh, yeah. OK.

Say it! "Terry me manda a por el paquete."

Pauline Lamb

"Terry me manda a por..."

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No. It's "Terry me manda a por la paquete."

Louisa Glasson

No, no. It's "a por *el* paquete."

Seriously! Tick, tock, tick, tock!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Louisa. You look very... busy.

Louisa Glasson

Thank you.