Louisa Glasson quotes from Doc Martin

No, thank you. I don't drink.

Louisa Glasson

Really? Not even on special occasions?

Is this an special occasion?

Louisa Glasson

Well. Maybe "special" is a wrong word, but it's not exactly something we do everyday.

I don't remember the last time that I ate on someone's back garden.

Louisa Glasson

It's more that usual, Martin. People have barbecues all the time.

Oh, I see. Hot dogs and hamburgers.

Louisa Glasson

No.

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Louisa Glasson

I thought we might have a measles epidemic on our hands.

Martin Ellingham

There's not much chance of that. Almost all the children I've seen have been jabbed for MMR. There's only two or three mothers left in the village who haven't seen reason.

Louisa Glasson

Maybe they're scared.

What are they scared of?

Louisa Glasson

Well there's autism.

No, there isn't.

Louisa Glasson

Martin, a friend of mine took her son to the doctor. He was nearly two, perfectly healthy, they gave him the jab, and he changed overnight. Just shut down completely.

Because of the MMR vaccine?

Louisa Glasson

That's what she thinks.

Is she very stupid?

Louisa Glasson

Look, it stands to reason that giving a child three viruses at the same time must increase their chance of some kind of reaction.

It stands to reason?

Louisa Glasson

Martin, I have read about the studies linking MMR to bowel disease.

There was one so-called "study" but that's been refuted by people who actually know what they're talking about. And the hysteria that's stopped people giving their children the MMR vaccine has actually caused an increase in cases of measles, which is a horrible disease.

Louisa Glasson

Thank you, Doctor.

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(After the concert, Louisa leads Martin into the woods. They kiss passionately)

You're very emotional, Louisa. Are you wearing perfume? Is it sandalwood?

Louisa Glasson

No, it's kenzo flower.

I wondered whether it was pheromones. Androstenone 5 has a sort of sandalwood odour - faintly urine-like, if you prefer. It's the pheromone associated with the onset of the menstrual cycle. And it's often accompanied by mood swings.

Louisa Glasson

Urine-like?

It's only faint. Am I right?

Louisa Glasson

A woman doesn't have to be getting her period to be a bit emotional.

(Louisa walks off in a huff)

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(Louisa's bedroom. Martin is visiting Holly, who had an accident at the harbour the day before and spent the night there. During the visit Martin begins to show a bedside manner, action misunderstandable for Louisa)

Louisa Glasson

What are you doing? You are paint weird with Holly.

I'm not paint weird.

Louisa Glasson

Yes, you are. You are being smarmy.

(Angrily) I'm not being smarmy. I'm helping your horrible friend! What do you want me to do?

(Holly asks a pillow, interrupting the conversation between Martin and Louisa)

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(Martin finishes the visit to Holly. Louisa follows him downstairs to talk to him)

OK. So, what was wrong with that?

Louisa Glasson

With what?

When I was being congenial. Why do you always find fault?

Louisa Glasson

Me?

Yes, you! I don't think you know what you want.

Louisa Glasson

Was it for me?

Well...

Louisa Glasson

It's not good acting nice, Martin. You've got to want to.

Why?! (He leaves Louisa's house slamming the door)

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Three weeks?

Louisa Glasson

Three weeks. The vicar had a cancellation. You think that it's too soon, do you?

No. Do you think that it's too soon?

Louisa Glasson

No. We want to get married. Why to wait?

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I've got you something.

Louisa Glasson

Oh, thank you.

(Shows a box of anti-snoring strips)It'll help you with your snoring.

Louisa Glasson

I don't snore.

Yes, you do.

Louisa Glasson

No.

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SShopkeeper

How are you, Louisa? Are you sore?

Louisa Glasson

A little bit.

Where?

Louisa Glasson

It's nothing.

Where are you sore?

Louisa Glasson

Where do you think?

Is it just the perineum?

Louisa Glasson

The what?

The perineum—between the anus and the vagina.

Louisa Glasson

(Embarrassed) Martin, we're in a shop.

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Louisa Glasson, to Ruth, having just met her: So, you're Joan's sister.

Dr. Ruth Ellingham

That's right. I'm sure Martin's told you all about me.

Louisa Glasson

Oh, yes, yes, of course, he has.

Dr. Ruth Ellingham

Don't lie, dear; but, if you must, do it with conviction.

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Louisa Glasson

Oh, and read him a bed time story. He seems to like the one about the talking fire engine.

Hm. Highly unlikely he can grasp the concept of a fire engine, let alone one that's apparently sentient.

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(Martin and Louisa are speaking about Eleanor)

Louisa Glasson

I'be managed perfectly alone all these years. I don't need her interfering now.

But you wrote to her about the baby.

Louisa Glasson

Yes, of course I did.

So you must to want to her to have some kind of involvement with him.

Louisa Glasson

I don't know! It wasn't a rational thing, Martin!

No.

(Louisa sighs)

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Louisa Glasson

(Listening to James on the baby monitor) He's stopped crying!

Maybe I should go and check.

Louisa Glasson

Martin. She's my mother. I'll be the one that doesn't trust her.

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Louisa Glasson

Don't wake him!

Smell that. Alcohol.

Louisa Glasson

No. She wouldn't!

What else does it look like?

I'll just be off. If ever you need a babysitter, you know where I am.

Louisa Glasson

Did you put something in this?

Just a few drops of my tonic. He loves it. It's homeopathic - sort of.

What do you mean "sort of"?

Camphor, lavender, bit of thyme, apple peel.

Yeast. Yeast in the apple peel turns the plant sugars into alcohol.

Louisa Glasson

It's alcoholic!

You have drugged our child.

Don't you think you're taking this a bit far? I've been taking it for years.

Haven't you noticed the effect it has on you? I have.

Never did you any harm.

Louisa Glasson

Just go. Please.

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(Martin sees Louisa sitting at his desk)

What are you doing here?

Louisa Glasson

Surgery is now on session. (Mimicking Martin) What medical complaint do you have?

What?

Louisa Glasson

"What" is not a medical complaint. Don't waste my time. (Pointing to the door) Get out! Out! Out! Out! (Stops mimicking him) I'm doing you.

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We should make some time later to discuss the child's name.

Louisa Glasson

(She stands up) Right. Yes. (She bows a bit) I'm going to make an appointment. (Leaves the surgery)

That will not be necessary.