Dr. Martin Ellingham quotes from Doc Martin

I thought we might have a measles epidemic on our hands.

Martin Ellingham

There's not much chance of that. Almost all the children I've seen have been jabbed for MMR. There's only two or three mothers left in the village who haven't seen reason.

Maybe they're scared.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

What are they scared of?

Well there's autism.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No, there isn't.

Martin, a friend of mine took her son to the doctor. He was nearly two, perfectly healthy, they gave him the jab, and he changed overnight. Just shut down completely.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Because of the MMR vaccine?

That's what she thinks.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Is she very stupid?

Look, it stands to reason that giving a child three viruses at the same time must increase their chance of some kind of reaction.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It stands to reason?

Martin, I have read about the studies linking MMR to bowel disease.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

There was one so-called "study" but that's been refuted by people who actually know what they're talking about. And the hysteria that's stopped people giving their children the MMR vaccine has actually caused an increase in cases of measles, which is a horrible disease.

Thank you, Doctor.

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Dr. Martin Ellingham

Has your son been jabbed for TB?

AOAnthony Oakwood

Have we let someone inject him full of poison? Well, strangely no.

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(Earlier in the day, Martin caught Auntie Joan and Edward making love in her kitchen. He left quickly, in disgust and embarrassment. Now Joan has come to see Martin)

Joan Norton

If you have a problem with my relationship, let's talk about it.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Sex on the kitchen table with a man fifty years your junior does not qualify as a real relationship.

Joan Norton

I'm going to continue to see Edward. It won't last forever and it certainly isn't true love, but it's what I want. So get used to it!

(She storms off)

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(Shouting after her) Osteoporosis and sexual intercourse on kitchen tables don't mix!

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(After the concert, Louisa leads Martin into the woods. They kiss passionately)

Dr. Martin Ellingham

You're very emotional, Louisa. Are you wearing perfume? Is it sandalwood?

No, it's kenzo flower.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I wondered whether it was pheromones. Androstenone 5 has a sort of sandalwood odour - faintly urine-like, if you prefer. It's the pheromone associated with the onset of the menstrual cycle. And it's often accompanied by mood swings.

Urine-like?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's only faint. Am I right?

A woman doesn't have to be getting her period to be a bit emotional.

(Louisa walks off in a huff)

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(Louisa's bedroom. Martin is visiting Holly, who had an accident at the harbour the day before and spent the night there. During the visit Martin begins to show a bedside manner, action misunderstandable for Louisa)

What are you doing? You are paint weird with Holly.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I'm not paint weird.

Yes, you are. You are being smarmy.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(Angrily) I'm not being smarmy. I'm helping your horrible friend! What do you want me to do?

(Holly asks a pillow, interrupting the conversation between Martin and Louisa)

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(Martin finishes the visit to Holly. Louisa follows him downstairs to talk to him)

Dr. Martin Ellingham

OK. So, what was wrong with that?

With what?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

When I was being congenial. Why do you always find fault?

Me?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Yes, you! I don't think you know what you want.

Was it for me?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Well...

It's not good acting nice, Martin. You've got to want to.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Why?! (He leaves Louisa's house slamming the door)

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Dr. Martin Ellingham

Three weeks?

Three weeks. The vicar had a cancellation. You think that it's too soon, do you?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No. Do you think that it's too soon?

No. We want to get married. Why to wait?

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Dr. Martin Ellingham

I've got you something.

Oh, thank you.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(Shows a box of anti-snoring strips)It'll help you with your snoring.

I don't snore.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Yes, you do.

No.

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IIsobel

I'm going to have a natural birth - none of those icky drugs, or anything.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

God forbid you should use "icky drugs" when you could experience the excruciating agony of childbirth in the raw.

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Dr. Martin Ellingham

You're a dog trainer?

BCBarbara Collingsworth

Dog psychologist. It's all the same, really. Simply a matter of rewiring the brain.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Restrain that animal, or analyze its unhappy childhood.

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Dr. Martin Ellingham

Married?

EMDr. Edith Montgomery

Not long enough for there to be any permanent damage.

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(Talking about Louisa's pregnancy)

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's not my fault.

Joan Norton

Oh!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I mean it's my fault but not my fault. It's not my fault that you don't know. I didn't know until yesterday.

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(PC Penhale thinks that he and his brother have Huntington's disease, which their grandfather had

PC Joe Penhale

Goodbye, Pauline. He thinks that I'm going to die soon.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Not soon enough.

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I keep hearing things.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

What sort of things?

Sometimes it's like a high peak whistling. Sometimes it's more like a bell.

(Ringing telephone)

And now it sounds like a telephone.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Because that is a telephone.

You can hear it too?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Yes, I can. But I shouldn't be able to because my stupid receptionist should have answered from her desk.

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(A passenger sitting next to Martin on the train has just died. Martin has pulled the communication cord to summon help)

CConductor

I've never seen a dead body before. I'm not really sure what to do - I missed that day of training.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I think it's best we get a move on.

CConductor

But he's... you know, dead.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's not a condition that's going to change the longer we stop here.

CConductor

Maybe we should say something.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

He won't hear.

CConductor

He's probably gone to a better place.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Well at least *one* of us has.