Dr. Martin Ellingham quotes from Doc Martin

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I embarrassed myself.

Louisa Glasson

No you didn't embarrass yourself. And I'm really glad that you said what you said. I just wish I'd had chance to say that I do too. I love you too.

Louisa Glasson

What?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Love is...

Louisa Glasson

What?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's a difficult word when you think that we don't actually know each other that well.

Louisa Glasson

Martin, we've known each other quite a while now.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Strictly speaking, for you to say you love me when you can't possibly know that you do is... potentially... delusional.

Louisa Glasson

Oh!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

There are certain quite well-known disorders where a person falls, without good reason, for someone else and believes that they love them.

Louisa Glasson

(Gobsmacked) Pardon?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

De Clerambault's Syndrome, for instance. Also known as erotomania. More common in women. They fall for a man of higher social standing.

Louisa Glasson

Martin! What the hell are you talking about?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Delusional romantic attachments. Often associated with an excessive intrusiveness into the life of the object of the irrational affection. Stalking, if you like.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Take some time off work.

Chance would be a fine thing. I've got a couple of hundred pasties to bake for the eating contest tomorrow - biggest earner of the year.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Cancel it!

No, doc.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

In all probability you have a stomach infection. Until I can find out exactly what it is, I don't want you spreading it around the village.

It's a tradition, our contest.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Oh yes, the tradition of mass food-poisoning and the complications that ensue. Cancel it!

Which way to the choves?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

At the top of the hill. And turn right.

Thanks.

Why on the right if there is the cliff? You meant left. Don't you?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(At the door) Right. (Slams the door)

Dr. Martin Ellingham

What do you want?

Just a chat.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Then chat with the receptionist - I'm busy.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Al, Mr. Crozure is suffering a psychotic breakdown.

Al Large

What that mean?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

He is mad. Just do what he says.

Three miles off the coast. Nelson's Point. You know it?

Al Large

Yes.

A Spanish trawler at half mile off Nelson's Point. Tell them that Terry is sending. Say: "Terry me manda a por el paquete."

Al Large

Oh, yeah. OK.

Say it! "Terry me manda a por el paquete."

Pauline Lamb

"Terry me manda a por..."

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No. It's "Terry me manda a por la paquete."

Louisa Glasson

No, no. It's "a por *el* paquete."

Seriously! Tick, tock, tick, tock!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Goodbye, Mrs. Lane.

It's not "Mrs." I'm divorced.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I'm not surprised.

Pauline Lamb

I just told him what it said on the website.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Which website was this, I-keep-forgetting-I'm-just-a-receptionist-dot-com? If anyone has a medical problem, refer them to me. I'm the doctor.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I want a word with you.

Pauline Lamb

Let me guess. "You're fired".

Dr. Martin Ellingham

That's two words.

Pauline Lamb

But I am though, aren't I? That is so unfair. I told you...

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Phlebotomy.

Pauline Lamb

What?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Phlebotomy.

Pauline Lamb

I don't know what that means.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

You clearly don't have a problem dealing with blood. I want you to go on this course. It's in Truro next week. They'll show you how to find a vein, how insert a needle into a patient, and how to draw blood for nurses. I'll tell you who to bleed, but, uh, you'll be in charge of the actual bleeding.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(Standing in the kitchen of Bert's new restaurant) This kitchen is disgusting!

Bert Large

I've been feeding myself for years. I haven't killed myself once.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I want you to close this restaurant.

Bert Large

(Wanting to get out of earshot of his customers) Come into the kitchen. I put everything I've got into this place.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Well, you're certainly putting something into it that's making people very ill, indeed.

Bert Large

I've eaten here, and I'm perfectly fine!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Bert, you've spent your entire working life with your arm down a lavatory. You're bound to have built up a resistance to certain bacteria. The point I'm trying to make is that you are by profession and design a plumber, not a restaurateur.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Is there anything that could you be stressing about?

Bert Large

(Ironically) Well. Let me see. My life's savings have been invested to buy an empty restaurant that has been shot down by the local quack. Apart from that, no one. My life is fine.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Right. I will prescribe you some medication in case of it happens again.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(After informing Mrs. Averill she may have lung cancer) Why are smokers always surprised when they're ill? Why do they think they're going to be the lucky ones who live to be a hundred? Did you think you'd make it to seventy?

I'm seventy-five.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Eighty?

My mother smoked a pipe until she was ninety-three.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

And then she died.

No. She lost her pipe.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Louisa. You look very... busy.

Louisa Glasson

Thank you.

Louisa Glasson

Would you like some wine?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No, thank you. I don't drink.

Louisa Glasson

Really? Not even on special occasions?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Is this an special occasion?

Louisa Glasson

Well. Maybe "special" is a wrong word, but it's not exactly something we do everyday.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I don't remember the last time that I ate on someone's back garden.

Louisa Glasson

It's more that usual, Martin. People have barbecues all the time.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Oh, I see. Hot dogs and hamburgers.

Louisa Glasson

No.