Should we shake hands or something, relieve the atmosphere? I mean how stupid do you think I am?
I don't know, I just met you.
S1Deadwood
We got chamber pots to sell ya. And if you don't know what one of those is, the man livin' next to you will appreciate your findin' out.
[To Charlie about Wild Bill Hickok] What a grand surprise. I never thought he'd live long enough for me to meet him.
Well, I guess when it starts pissin' rain in here, you know who to blame, huh? Now, I know word's circulatin' Indians killed a family on the Spearfish Road. Now it's not for me to tell anyone in this camp what to do, as much as I don't want more people gettin' their throats cut, scalps lifted or any other godless thing that these godless bloodthirsty heathens do. Or even if someone wants to ride out in darkest night. But I will tell you this. I'd use tonight to get myself organized. Ride out in the morning clear-headed. And startin' tomorrow morning, I will offer a personal $50 bounty for every decapitated head of as many of these godless heathen cocksuckers as anyone can bring in. Tomorrow. With no upper limit! That's all I say on that subject, 'cept next round's on the house. And God rest the souls of that poor family. And pussy's half price, next 15 minutes.
Let her go; she ain't taking any business with her. And don't forget to kill Tim.
Is it true? Indians killin' white people?
That's the sewer mouth that follows Hickok around.
Why are we standin' here?
GGuy
Ridin' out tomorrow, daybreak.
Oh, really? Tomorrow. What's your fuckin' rush?! I'm goin' now. Even without Bill. Even without Charlie. I know the road to Spearfish. And I don't drink where I'm the only fuckin' one with balls!
S1Deep Water
I see as much misery outta them movin' to justify their selves as them that set out to do harm.
Let's leave it all alone. I'm stupidest when I try to be funny.
You don't want to interfere with me.
You think I'm scared of you?
Sure you are. And if I take a knife to you you'll be scared worse and a long time dying.
If irritating me is the jackpot, you got the job done.
Men like Mr. Seth Bullock there raise the camp up.
Yeah, the fella to be put in that box might argue with you, Reverend.
Ah, Mr. Bullock did not draw first. And I, point to his commissioning me to build the departed a coffin and, and see to his Christian burial.
[after Al reveals that a member of Phil's gang came to Deadwood after the massacre]
PPPersimmon Phil
He swore he'd head to Cheyenne...
Yeah, but here's closer, isn't it? All you cocksuckers go for the easiest chance.
PPPersimmon Phil
So... where is he now?
Where he is now is, he stirs the whole camp up last night with his massacre story 'til I'm giving liquor away and cunt at half price just to keep my crowd controlled. Party makes up from Nuttall's to ride back out to Spearfish, Wild Bill Hickok and those two guys walked past you downstairs save the squarehead kid, tell Ned to stick around 'til they see what the kid has to say about him.
PPPersimmon Phil
Wild Bill Hickok?
And Ned throws down.
PPPersimmon Phil
Against Wild Bill Hickok?
Against Hickok and this other cocksucker who draws almost as fast, so it's a toss-up who blew Ned's head off.
S1Reconnoitering the Rim
[While playing poker] Well, that's one in a row for you, Wild Bill. Who's hungry? What in the hell damn time is it anyway?
Sure you wanna quit playin', Jack? The game's all that's between you and gettin' called a cunt.
Ah, meeting adjourned, fellas. Take it outside.
That drooped eye of yours looks like the hood of a cunt to me, Jack. When you talk, your mouth looks like a cunt moving.
I ain't gonna get in no gunfight with you, Hickock.
But you will run your cunt mouth at me. And I will take it to play poker.
[during a meeting with Johnny Burns, E.B. Farnum, and Jimmy Irons] I wanna know who cut the cheese. [nobody answers] I'll tell you this for openers: we are gonna set off an area on the balcony. [opens the door to the balcony] And God help whoever doesn't use it, because the next stink I have to smell in this office, and whoever doesn't admit to it is going out the window, into the muck, onto their fucking heads, and we'll see how they like farting from that position, okay?
[discussing Custer at Little Bighorn] I'll tell you this, son, you can mark my words, Crazy Horse went into Little Bighorn, bought his people one good, long-term ass-fucking. You do not want to be a dirt-worshipping heathen from this fucking point forward. Pardon my French.
Oh, I speak French.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Deadwood pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.