Seth Bullock quotes from Deadwood

Seth Bullock

We got chamber pots to sell ya. And if you don't know what one of those is, the man livin' next to you will appreciate your findin' out.

Seth Bullock

Cold enough world without gettin' gone against by your own.

Seth Bullock

Maybe you're mistrusted less as a killer than showin' your cards a corner at a time.

Seth Bullock

That man is a lunatic. High water he never made much sense, but now? He just utters pure gibberish.

Sol Star

Did he look pale to you?

Seth Bullock

What?

Sol Star

Did he seem pale?

Seth Bullock

How the fuck do I know if he was pale?

Sol Star

Ah, he looked pale to me.

Seth Bullock

What if he was? Let's say he was. Will you shut up about it? What is my part, and your part? *mocking* "What part of my part is your part? Is my foot your knee? What about your ear?" What the fuck is that?

Seth Bullock

That man is a lunatic. High water he never made much sense, but now? He just utters pure gibberish.

Sol Star

Did he look pale to you?

Seth Bullock

What?

Sol Star

Did he seem pale?

Seth Bullock

How the fuck do I know if he was pale?

Sol Star

He looked pale to me.

Seth Bullock

What if he was? Let's say he was. Will you shut up about it? What is my part, and your part? [mocking] "What part of my part is your part? Is my foot your knee? What about your ear?" What the fuck is that?

Sol Star

Yeah, I don't know.

Seth Bullock

What don't you know? If he was pale or not?

Sol Star

What you're supposed to do.

Seth Bullock

I'm not supposed to do anything! Let's agree to that. Not one fucking thing that I don't decide I'm gonna. All right, Sol?

Sol Star

All right. [Bullock begins to walk away] Suspenders.

Seth Bullock

God damn it! If I kill the droop-eyed son of a bitch and my part's getting hanged for it, good luck with the fucking store.

Sol Star

All right.

Seth Bullock

I will write to Martha and see it posted. You look out after that widow.

Sol Star

All right, Seth.

Seth Bullock

Can I impose on you to pack a bag for me to cut down on the cocksucker's head start?

Sol Star

Be ready for you when you ride out.

Seth Bullock

Thanks, Sol.

Charlie Utter

[on burying a dead Native] You ain't doin' him no favor. I mean his way to heaven's above ground and lookin' west.

Seth Bullock

Let's do that, then.

Charlie Utter

Don't you want to take him over the ridge? To his fuckin' Holy Ground and put him up there with his headless buddy? I mean, that's what you nearly got killed for: interfering with his big fuckin' medicine, burying his fuckin' buddy, over the fuckin' ridge!

Seth Bullock

You and I know how it is, Mr. Swearengen.

Al Swearengen

How what is?

Seth Bullock

She gets a square shake, or I come for you.

Al Swearengen

What if I come for you, you ready for that?

Seth Bullock

I guess I better be.

Al Swearengen

Then close your fucking store because being ready for me will take care of your waking hours and you better have someone to hand the task off to when you close your fucking eyes.

Seth Bullock

Jack McCall!

Jack McCall

[With his back to Bullock] I'm done, I don't wanna play no more.

Seth Bullock

[Speaking to others] Bein' a loud-mouthed cunt I guess sometime since he's been here this fella who “don't wanna play no more” probably spoke of killin' Wild Bill Hickok… well, we're Bill Hickok's friends. [Everyone scrambles out of the room]

Seth Bullock

I'm Seth Bullock.

Charlie Utter

and I'm Charlie Utter

Seth Bullock

And if you got your head blown off, sitting here with your back turned, that'd be as fair a play as you gave him.

A.W. Merrick

How many memories, fond to their recollection, have their setting in that tight little dining room?

Charlie Utter

Yeah, well it's fucked now.

Seth Bullock

Anyways, we gotta open soon.

A.W. Merrick

Who would argue that the venue was the cause of these happy memories, nor the bill of fare? The bitter coffee, the rancid bacon, those stale biscuits that were tomb and grave to so many insects. No, gentlemen, it was the meandering conversation, the lingering with men of character - some of whom are walking with me now - that was such pleasure to experience, and such a joy now to recall.

Sol Star

Good of you to say, Mr. Merrick.

Charlie Utter

Yeah… back atcha, as far as… that goes.

Seth Bullock

Yeah.

Al Swearengen

Bullock, it's a ceremonial position to give comfort to Tom Nuttall, who feels the camp's leavin' him behind. Putting a badge on Stapleton makes him feel he's got friends in high places.

Seth Bullock

That job shouldn't go to a shitheel.

Al Swearengen

Where as my feeling would be it should go to a shitheel, as it's shitheel's work.

Al Swearengen

I want to tell you somethin' about the law. Please, take a seat. Separate from all the bribes we put up, I paid 5000 dollars to avoid being the object of fireside ditties about a man that fled a murder warrant then worked very hard to get his camp annexed by the territory, only to have them serve the warrant of him and to face the six-foot drop. Into the magistrate's pocket the money goes, after which he sends a message. The 5,000'll need company if I'm to be off the hook. I give you the law.

Seth

It doesn't have to be like that.

Seth Bullock

That man's not here to help his daughter, he's looking to root at her claim. You went to see that whore again?

Sol Star

I guess she had to account for her being outside, Swearengen sent for me to pay him his fee. I guess she told him where she'd been.

Seth Bullock

It might have been me he found out from, Sol, 'cause I'm sometimes that stupid.

Sol Star

You think it could have been you?

Seth Bullock

I'm sure it was, speaking without thinking, justifying being in his place.

Sol Star

Being you'd been ousted from your own.

Seth Bullock

I was hot seeing that tinhorn Stapleton getting installed as sheriff, and I used poor fucking judgment.

Sol Star

Sorry Mrs. Garret's pa turns out a shitheel.

Seth Bullock

Cold enough world without gettin' gone against by your own.

Seth Bullock

I'll be the fucking sheriff.

Al Swearengen

Startin' when?

Seth Bullock

Startin' now.

Seth Bullock

You and I are gonna talk.

You don't account for my preferences, Mr. Bullock?

Seth Bullock

I will beat you here in the street.

First-rate thinking. My daughter's agent beats her father in the street, how better to condemn Alma to deepened suspicion as to her role in her husband's violent death and widen suspicion to include yourself? Shoot craps, Mr. Bullock? Were you bullied, Mr. Bullock, when young and incapable? Now you see wrongs everywhere and bullying you feel called to remedy. The bully who oppressed your youth isn't at the table with us, perhaps he's long dead. If you will view the present with more clarity, perhaps you'd recognize that I'm not victimizing my daughter, but merely asking for a small portion of the ample proceeds from her veins. Alma is hurt only in your particular view of things. And while I'll sign no guarantee not to return, or against any future claim on her compassion, realize I do hate it here. And if you inhale and expel pure righteousness, my olfactories are keen to the smell of shit. Having heard all that and knowing, as you must, the injudiciousness of making an enemy of a man who could testify truthfully that, five minutes before her marriage, he heard his daughter wish her prospective husband dead, and who won't shrink from lying as to what she admitted to him on his arrival in this cesspool, as to her complicity in her husband's murder, I suppose you'd best take your swing.

Seth Bullock

[After beating Mr. Russell] All right. Leave this camp, and draw a map for anyone who wants to believe your fucking lies. Anyone wants to put your daughter or her holdings in jeopardy, you show 'em how to get here and you tell 'em I'll be waiting.

Seth Bullock

I don't care if the whole U.S. Cavalry walks in here, you don't want to pour another drink. You just want to listen to me 'cause if the man doesn't die whose face I just broke, he's gonna go to New York City and tell Brom Garret's people it breaks his heart to say so but his daughter had their son murdered. He'll tell 'em, knowing how he does, they won't want their son's rightful property in the hands of the woman who killed him. He'll swear to what he heard from her own lips. And those society people in New York City, who live with their heads up their asses anyway, will believe him. And whoever they send out here may take up to fifteen minutes before they decide that since you were involved in the transaction first to last. It must have been you and your boss she hired to push her idiot husband off the cliff. Of course, they'll be wrong about Mrs. Garret, but they'll be right as rain about you two cocksuckers. You tell him all that upstairs.

Dan Dority

If he don't die.

Seth Bullock

If he don't die. I don't think I killed him.

Dan Dority

Just so I understand you, if he don't die, you're saying the man's luck don't have to hold out. Now, that's the message you want me to take upstairs.

Seth Bullock

I don't swim in that shit.

Dan Dority

You oughta pin that (sheriff's badge) on your chest. You're hypocrite enough to wear it.

Seth Bullock

You just tell him.