[Oswidge casts a magic spell and turns himself into a newt.]
Note: In future, point magic wand away from self.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
It's a trick! I'm Dave! He's the fake, and I'll prove it! [On his knees.] Please don't hurt me, oh, please, please, please, please!
MDMecha-Dave
This proves nothing. [Also on his knees.] Please do not hurt me. For being hurt is unpleasant.
Which is the true dave, and which the machine? No man can say.
Normally, I wouldn't ask, but this is cutting into my fudge time!
[Chuckles is interrupted by the customer, again.]
SGShoppin' Gal
Do you have this in teal?
Oh, no, sorry, just sea foam or melon, sweetie.
[Candy points out that Mecha-Dave has a clockwork key in his back.]
I thought it was some kinda growth.
MDMecha-Dave
My programming has been changed, Chuckles. I am now commanded to pound you into bacon mist.
Ew.
Get away! I'm too pink to die!
Fudge? I need to give her something really great so she'll feel guilty about that lousy present she gave me!
So, tell her it's imported.
That could work.
Ah, fudge. Truly it is the greatest of the brown-colored fruits.
Newts don't eat fudge!
[Fang runs away screaming from Candy]
[Furyously] Once I catch you I'll kick you!
[Dave cooks kitten-shaped apricot pancakes for Fang.]
Kitty!
Gormet cooking is not barbariany!
Uncle Oswidge, Fang's being mean to breakfast!
DFDave and Fang
Sorry, Uncle Oswidge.
Can't you two just- pancakes!
I never wanted to be a Barbarian!
You did when you were ten!
Only because I thought it meant a librarian who also cuts hair.
Don't make me turn you two into cabages again!
DFDave and Fang
Sorry, Uncle Oswidge.
You lookin' for something, darin'?
Yeah, I-
We got that. Just got a big shipment of snakes... You want one?
SSnake
Please, buy me!
Actually, I'm looking for one of those hats with antlers on it.
We got that.
SSnake
I'm a hat! Please buy me!
Look, anything that can say it's a hat isn't a hat, okay?
Oh, a hat! You want a hat! We got that.
SSnake
I'm a hat!
[A kid asks Bogmelon for a hot dog.]
SSnake
Buy me, I'm delicious!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dave the Barbarian pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.