Vlad Plasmius quotes from Danny Phantom

I don't understand....

Vlad

What? That I used two fourteen year old pawns to turn a knight and topple a king? It's chess, Daniel. Of course you don't understand. But then, you never really did.

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[crying at Vlad's doorstep] Oh... Uncle Vlad... [sniffs] I've run away from home. My father's an idiot, my brother hates me, and I wanna stay here with you. [sobs]

Vlad

Wait, what was that?

I've run away from home?

Vlad

N-no, after that.

My brother hates me?

Vlad

No, in the middle!

My father's an idiot?

Vlad

That's the one! Come to Uncle Vlad! [happily escorts her inside]

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MMMaddie Masters

You despicable, lying piece of...cheese! I've wasted the best years of my life with you!

VMVlad Masters

Now, Maddie, I may be a lying piece of cheese, but I'm still your husband.

MMMaddie Masters

[grabs Vlad and lifts him up] Then consider this an annulment! [throws him into the Ghost Zone; ghosts begin to surround him]

Vlad

Oh, hello. Did I mention how much I love ghosts? [ghosts close in on him, and he screams] No!

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Vlad

I knew you'd come through, Daniel. All it took was the proper motivation. Of course, I'm still weak beyond measure, so... bygones?

[Danny grins mischievously at him, next scene shows Vlad screaming as Danny knocks him into the air]

[casually] Bygones.

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[after Vlad attacks him numerous times] Aren't you at least gonna make some stupid crack about my father? Or a lame come-on about my mom?

Vlad

No, dear boy. "Funny Joke Around Vlad" isn't here today! [attacks him again]

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You've been spying on me?! Okay, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You really are one seriously crazed-up fruitloop.

Vlad

A fruitloop would not have been able to make his first million with a series of invisible burglaries! A fruitloop would never have thought to overshadow enough millionaires to become one of the richest men on the planet! I! AM! NOT! A! FRUIT! LOOP! And I am not a villain. All I ever wanted...was love.

[sarcastic] Oh, yeah, nothing loopy about that.

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[pretending to be hurt] Uuuuugh, uh, wha-? What happened? I'm just a helpless, impressionable teenager who was minding my own business when- [winks at Sam and Tucker] - boom!

Sam

[smiles then gasps] Oh my gosh! The Mayor shot Danny!

Tucker

[pretends to weep] He zapped an innocent kid! [everyone turns and glares at Vlad]

Vlad

What? I... NO!... I mean... [the crowd points and yells at him accusingly. Jack and Maddie run over to Danny]

JMJack and Maddie

Danny! Danny! Are you all right?

Maddie

[nuzzles Danny] Oh my baby!

Vlad

Please! I can explain! [glares at Danny and Danny smiles]

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Vlad

[getting cold feet after Vortex confronts him] Ahh... I just wanted to introduce a friend of mine. Danny, Vortex. Vortex, Danny. Bye! [flies away]

[sarcastically] My hero.

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[Vlad has just found out that he and Jack are now neighbors.]

Jack

I see cozy backyard barbeques in our future!

Vlad

Yes, of course, that sounds fun. [quietly] Akin to sticking hot needles in my-

Maddie

[cutting him off] Jack! [comes out of the house] You won't believe it! I got lost - in my walk-in closet! I finally got a ride out on my automated shoe rack. Oh, hello Vlad! [scoffs] We're neighbors?

Vlad

[happy now] Indeed, I forgot for a moment that you would be moving in with Jack. I'll pop by later and drop off a "Welcome to the Block" bundt cake.

JMJack & Maddie

[excited] Ooooo!

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[Vlad has just asked Valerie to hunt "Dani Phantom", but she misheard him.]

Valerie

Danny Phantom? That guy's been an intangible pain in my butt for a long time.

Vlad

Oh no, sorry my dear. Not Danny Phantom, [turns around a computer monitor depicting Danielle] Dani Phantom, with an "i". A girl ghost.

Valerie

[unimpressed] You're kidding, there's a girl called Dani Phantom? Huh, these ghosts gotta come up with more original names.

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Vlad

I'll go welcome our guests. [flies past the Maddie hologram, then turns back to face her] And I'm sorry dear, but I can't have them see you either. [pushes button]

MHMaddie Hologram

See you tonight for tea and cookies! [disappears]

Vlad

Until then, there's work to be done. [flies off]

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Vlad

[has just realized he can't touch the asteroid or go home] Ecto-ranium? Then I can never touch it. No ghost can. That means... the Earth is doomed. And even if it wasn't I could never go back. I've revealed... my true self. I'll be forever hunted. Jack, you have to help me. You wouldn't turn your back on an old friend, would you?

Jack

An old friend? No. You? Yes! [fires the rocket's jets, leaving Vlad behind]

Vlad

JACK!