[Dan is hanging out with Hortence and her friends]
This is the best bridal shower ever, you guys.
RGRed Girl
You are going to make such a beautiful bride.
BGBlonde Girl
I love the china pattern you picked out. Don't you Dan?
Huh? Oh, sure. China pattern. Hortence, have you really thought about what you're doing?
I mean, there's such a big age difference between you two. Have you read the statistics about these things working out?
Or the statistical probability that someone who eats burgers for every meal is going to make it past 50?
Jeremiah's as healthy as a horse.
And why is he marrying someone so much younger, anyway? I think he's hiding something. Maybe you should call off the wedding until you figure out what it is. Just sayin'.
RGRed Girl
Oh, he's doing a roast! [laughs] How funny!
Oh! Okay. For a second there, I thought you were being really mean for no reason.
BGBlonde Girl
You know what we should do? Give Dan a makeover!
[voiceover] I DON'T WANT A MAKEOVER!
[after his face is covered with makeup by Hortence and the girls] You laugh, I attack.
[laughs] So, how was the bridal shower? [Dan punches him] Stop it! You're getting your makeup on me!
It's not my makeup! This was done against my will!
It's a good look for you.
Not one more word. They rouged me, Chris. I have been rouged! This is war.
And hey, you've already got your war paint. [Dan punches him]
[Dan and Chris are at Hortence's wedding]
Oh yes, thank you. [eats the shrimp puffs]
There's no time for that!
There's always time for shrimp puffs.
I need you to tell the Best Man there's a telephone call for him.
Mine. Sir, there's a telephone call for you.
Hurry back, we're all waiting to hear your Best Man toast.
[to a lady who walks up to him] Get your own!
[Dan captures a man as he covers him with a bag and puts him in the closet punching him]
Hortence, I need to talk to you. [using the microphone] Actually, I need to talk to all of you. I may not be the Best Man, but I'm the only man for this job.
Hello Dan, nice to see you! I heard you were going to be in our wedding!
[everyone gasps]
Dan! We're NOT making a scene, remember? We're leaving. As soon as I'm done with these canapes.
[Dan walks up to Hortence]
I'm sorry, Hortence, but you can't marry Jeremiah Burger. He's been lying to you.
I most certainly have not!
He has, and I have proof. [shows Hortence and Jeremiah a picture] Ladies and gentlemen of the wedding, Jeremiah Burger has been married, not once, not twice, but 6 times! So, come on. You can cry on my shoulder in the car.
Did you think I didn't know that!
I've met all of his exes. We're friends. That's them right there! [pan to Jeremiah's exes]
This really is unacceptable behavior. Especially from a bridesmaid.
[Dan gets kicked out by 2 men from the wedding]
Sheesh. Try to help someone out, and this is the thanks you get.
[comes over] I have never been so humiliated in all my life! You ruined my rehearsal dinner! I thought you were my friend.
Hortence, I just need to tell you something before you go through with this. I know you feel the same way about me that I do about you. I I--
[angrily] I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAAAAIN!
That's not how I feel about you!
