CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes
0 total quotesBrass: Will Warshall, this is Catherine Willows, from the Crime Lab.
Will Warshall: There's something very wrong in the world if a woman like you is only handling test tubes.
Catherine: If you think that's all I handle, you're not as smart as you think.
Will Warshall: There's something very wrong in the world if a woman like you is only handling test tubes.
Catherine: If you think that's all I handle, you're not as smart as you think.
Brass: Wouldn't a rabbit be easier?
Grissom: Gotta be a pig. Interestingly, they're the most like humans.
Brass: Yeah, I've been saying that since I was a rookie. You're on your own, pal.
Grissom: Gotta be a pig. Interestingly, they're the most like humans.
Brass: Yeah, I've been saying that since I was a rookie. You're on your own, pal.
Brass: [to April Perez] I bought it the hell we all bought it. But your sister was already dead when you raised that alarm. Her body told us that. There was no sexual assault. The evidence told us that, too. So you didn't think this through, sweetheart. So what are we left with? A false police report and a murdered little girl. So it's one to four for the Amber Alert. And for your sister, life imprisonment if it's an accident, and the needle if it's not.
April Perez: I didn't kill Alicia.
Brass: But you know, I get it. I get the picture. I mean, your brother's the center of attention. He's sick, he's dying. Your cells don't match. Your parents have Alicia. She's his savior. So, where do you fit in? What are you to this family?
April Perez: I'm invisible.
Brass: But not anymore you're not. She's dead, and your brother's sick. When he goes...
April Perez: That's crazy, okay. I told you, I didn't kill my sister.
Brass: I want to believe that. Come on. Help me to believe that. It just means you were in on it because you put on one hell of a show. You still using?
April Perez: No.
Brass: Maybe we should run your blood just to be sure, huh?
April Perez: I use now and then to take the edge off.
Brass: So how do you pay for this habit? Are you pimping your sister for drugs, April?
April Perez: Why don't you make up your mind? No signs of rape. If I was selling my sister, there would be, wouldn't there?
Brass: Depends on who you sold it to. You're not gonna talk your way out of this one. You need to get clean.
April Perez: What I need is a lawyer, which means this conversation is over.
April Perez: I didn't kill Alicia.
Brass: But you know, I get it. I get the picture. I mean, your brother's the center of attention. He's sick, he's dying. Your cells don't match. Your parents have Alicia. She's his savior. So, where do you fit in? What are you to this family?
April Perez: I'm invisible.
Brass: But not anymore you're not. She's dead, and your brother's sick. When he goes...
April Perez: That's crazy, okay. I told you, I didn't kill my sister.
Brass: I want to believe that. Come on. Help me to believe that. It just means you were in on it because you put on one hell of a show. You still using?
April Perez: No.
Brass: Maybe we should run your blood just to be sure, huh?
April Perez: I use now and then to take the edge off.
Brass: So how do you pay for this habit? Are you pimping your sister for drugs, April?
April Perez: Why don't you make up your mind? No signs of rape. If I was selling my sister, there would be, wouldn't there?
Brass: Depends on who you sold it to. You're not gonna talk your way out of this one. You need to get clean.
April Perez: What I need is a lawyer, which means this conversation is over.
Brass: [to Carlos Perez] Wasn't Alicia part of your family? You're her father, you dumb bastard! You're supposed to protect her. What kind of man are you?
Carlos Perez: Guilty.
Carlos Perez: Guilty.
Brass: [when Tonya's body is found] Did, uh, Tom Haviland ever play a boxer? Girl's face looks like hamburger meat.
Grissom: Looks like uncontrollable rage to me.
Nick: Grissom, you might want to come down here.
Grissom: Just say it, Nick.
Nick: Beans and franks. Tonya's a man.
Grissom: Looks like that old Hollywood saying: "Never get caught with a dead girl or a live boy." So, let's see Tom's in bed with what he thinks are two girls. He reaches down on one, becomes very confused. Most guys would have just cleared the room and gargled with whiskey. But Movie Boy, who brags about doing his own stunts, couldn't take the thought of having a man in his bed, so he freaked out.
Grissom: Looks like uncontrollable rage to me.
Nick: Grissom, you might want to come down here.
Grissom: Just say it, Nick.
Nick: Beans and franks. Tonya's a man.
Grissom: Looks like that old Hollywood saying: "Never get caught with a dead girl or a live boy." So, let's see Tom's in bed with what he thinks are two girls. He reaches down on one, becomes very confused. Most guys would have just cleared the room and gargled with whiskey. But Movie Boy, who brags about doing his own stunts, couldn't take the thought of having a man in his bed, so he freaked out.
Brass:Let me tell you my story. Once upon a time, you follow your husband to a trailer park. You see him slumming with his little trailer bunny. You waited for him to come out...
[Flashback to, trailer door opens, Robert Durgee steps out. Amber sits in her car watching him. He lights his cigarette, suddenly car lights glare at him and tires screech as the car surges toward him]
Brass:When she pulls the body back in, before she can call for help, you torch the place. Kaboom. The end.
Amber Durgee: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard
Brass [laughs]: Wouldn't even make my top ten.
[Flashback to, trailer door opens, Robert Durgee steps out. Amber sits in her car watching him. He lights his cigarette, suddenly car lights glare at him and tires screech as the car surges toward him]
Brass:When she pulls the body back in, before she can call for help, you torch the place. Kaboom. The end.
Amber Durgee: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard
Brass [laughs]: Wouldn't even make my top ten.
Casino Owner: Can the casino do anything to hurry this up, Mr. Stokes?
Nick: I'm processing as fast as I can, sir. It would help if I had the dice used at this table.
Casino Owner: We replace the dice every hour.
Nick: I've got my work cut out for me then, don't I?
Nick: I'm processing as fast as I can, sir. It would help if I had the dice used at this table.
Casino Owner: We replace the dice every hour.
Nick: I've got my work cut out for me then, don't I?
Catherine (about the vic): What kind of identifying characteristics do we have?
Doc Robbins: Second degree midline episiotomy scar.
Catherine: Well, that narrows it down to more than half the women in this country who gave birth.
Doc Robbins: But there might be one other thing. At first I thought appendectomy, but check out her x-ray. She's had surgery. Some kind of implant at the L4-L5 interspace. I'll know more when I open her up.
Catherine: You're my hero, Al.
Doc Robbins: Second degree midline episiotomy scar.
Catherine: Well, that narrows it down to more than half the women in this country who gave birth.
Doc Robbins: But there might be one other thing. At first I thought appendectomy, but check out her x-ray. She's had surgery. Some kind of implant at the L4-L5 interspace. I'll know more when I open her up.
Catherine: You're my hero, Al.
Catherine (about the victim): The only pathway is from the paramedics. How'd he end up in the middle of the circle? (David looks up at the sky)
David: I have an idea. (Warrick looks up) I'll keep it to myself.
David: I have an idea. (Warrick looks up) I'll keep it to myself.
Catherine (to Lindsey): Mouthing off to teachers, slipping grades, and now hitchhiking. I mean what's next Lindsey?
Lindsey (muttering): Stripping.
Catherine: What did you just say? Okay, no phone, no friends, no nothing.
Lindsey: For how long?
Catherine: A month.
Lindsey: Whatever.
Catherine: Hey, you want to make it two?
Lindsey: Dad always said you were a drama queen.
Catherine: Well, what do you expect, Lindsey, since he was always high.
Lindsey: I'd take Dad high over you any day! Nana's coming to pick me up. I'll be out front.
Lindsey (muttering): Stripping.
Catherine: What did you just say? Okay, no phone, no friends, no nothing.
Lindsey: For how long?
Catherine: A month.
Lindsey: Whatever.
Catherine: Hey, you want to make it two?
Lindsey: Dad always said you were a drama queen.
Catherine: Well, what do you expect, Lindsey, since he was always high.
Lindsey: I'd take Dad high over you any day! Nana's coming to pick me up. I'll be out front.
Catherine (to Warrick): I thought you said you were a dork in high school.
Warrick: I was a dork... I still am a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action.
Catherine: I don't doubt that.
Warrick: I was a dork... I still am a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action.
Catherine: I don't doubt that.
Catherine [to Warrick]: Hey, um, hand me a swab, would you?
Warrick: You know I could do this for you.
Catherine: Not going to hurt any less. (Catherine takes a swab from the cut on her head)
Warrick: You know I could do this for you.
Catherine: Not going to hurt any less. (Catherine takes a swab from the cut on her head)
Catherine: [explaining the job to Holly, the new girl] We restore peace of mind. And when you're a victim, that's everything. Stick it out. At least until you solve your first. And after that, if you don't feel like King Kong on cocaine, then you can quit. But if you stay, with my right hand to God, you will never regret it.
Catherine: [To Grissom, who is staring in awe at a group of showgirls who pass by] Close your mouth.