There's a sucker born every minute.
Yep, and they all come to Vegas.
S3 E16Lucky Strike
Bats are like bees, Nick. Don't bother them, and they won't bother you.
Let's not bother them... I mean it.
S3 E17Crash and Burn
Hey, I hear you're working on Hank's case.
I believe it's my case.
Territorial. You know, guys don't like that.
You're crowding me, Greg.
Well, I have some information that'll bring us even closer.
Diane Lambart lived two hours away. If she drove into Vegas with the intention of using it as a murder weapon. I'd imagine she'd be pretty stressed.
Kamikaze Grandma.
S3 E18Precious Metal
So, let's see. You surf, you scuba dive. You're into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection?
Weird, ha?
Well, I race cockroaches.
What happened to your enthuasism, Greg?
Well, everytime I make a DNA match in here my world gets a little smaller. Out there I felt large.
Out there... means a pay cut.
It's not about the money.
That's good to know.
DDoorman
Sorry, 5 dollars to get in.
[Pointing to his badge] I got a coupon.
S3 E19A Night At The Movies
What do you think caused these marks?
Give me more time. I'm not a miracle worker.
Well, that's obvious, Hodges. If you were a miracle worker, you wouldn't be rude.
I wasn't being rude. I was being curt. Rude would be, "When I know, you'll know." Friends?
No.
Hi. What'd I miss?
Murder, seduction, deceit -- the usual.
Mm. This one of your favorites?
Actually, I'm not a big fan of noir.
Okay. Well, what do you like?
I like silent movies.
S3 E20Last Laugh
I'm chasing something that Gil Grissom isn't interested in ... a hunch.
You sure you don't want me to do this?
Are you kidding? I live for this. I mean, Shelley Stark and I are the same height and weight.
Yeah, but you're taller, thinner.
Oh, butter that toast, Nick.
Oh, Dougie Max was poisoned.
To the max.
It's physically impossible to absorb a fatal dose of cocaine through the penis.
Cite your source.
Did you hear the one about the comedian who died onstage?
Ba-dum-bum
I'll be here all week.
We have a bigger problem than we thought we did.
Why are you looking at me?
I'm not looking at you.
Yes you are!
Okay...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.