Nick Stokes quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Nick

Always thought you kept your porn in there.

Greg

I move it around.

Greg

Okay, now, this is a 66-kilodalton globular protein, composed of two disulfide-linked sub-units, A and B.

Nick

Very impressive.

Greg

And I know what you all think of me -- I'm just another pretty face who got to where I am by sleeping with Catherine.

Grissom

Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right brain abilities.

Nick

Kind of sounds like you.

Nick

Sara?

Sara

Yeah?

Nick

You've got to get out more. [Turns and walks away]

Sara

[Shocked, she walks back down the hallway]

Greg

Is this the car the guy was killed in?

Nick

He was killed in the warehouse. And don't sneak up on a person like that!

Greg

Now you know how I feel, like ten times a day.

Grissom

Okay, let's run this. Amanda was tired of being number two, so she calls up Mrs. Logan to discuss her affair with her husband. But Mrs. Logan doesn't just discuss it she throws down the gauntlet.

Catherine

Amanda broke the only rule. Don't call the missus.

Nick

Now he really has a problem.

Warrick

Two problems. His wife is going to leave him, take half his money and he was going to jail.

Sara

You got to admit, his solution was ingenious.

Grissom

Most killers take their time planning a murder. He took his time covering it up. Forty-eight hours to be precise. So Logan cleans up the crime scene and calls his lawyer. Asks him to help him with his little charade. I mean, what better way to protect your assets than to pay a kidnapper who's already on retainer?

Catherine

Everything from that point on was calculated.

Grissom

Blood on his hands...he's the last customer of the day at the bank. Acting suspiciously...

Catherine

...driving recklessly.

Warrick

He knew he'd get hauled in to the cops.

Catherine

You bet your ass. He didn't leave those sunglasses behind by accident. His cell phone rang on cue. The call's for me. He practically forced that money into his lawyer's hands.

Grissom

Out of one pocket, into the other. I especially liked the little show he did for us in the coroner's lab. Trying to find out how much we knew.

Nick

Why make the map? Why lead Catherine to the body?

Grissom

Because without the body Logan would always be under suspicion.

Sara

If not by the police, by his wife.

Warrick

So, he left these wine glasses for you to find.

Catherine

Sure, we wanted us to suspect the wife. That's why he used her SUV to transport the body. And he let me mark the money because he knew that eventually his lawyer would touch it.

Sara

Why though? The money was in a suitcase.

Warrick

A million dollars. Pretty tempting.

Grissom

I saw the locker and I saw Logan's briefcase. It was too big to fit inside. His lawyer had to remove the cash by hand.

Sara

How could he possibly know that Catherine was going to mark the money?

Warrick

He didn't. He probably thought the bank marked it.

Nick

Besides, there's always fingerprints.

Catherine

So I did everything in my power to help him.

Sara

Wow, you got to go to the body farm?

Catherine

Yeah.

Sara

I've always wanted to go there. What was it like?

Catherine

Quiet.

Warrick

I hear Grissom goes there all the time. Like even on his nights off.

Nick

[Walking over to the fridge] Why does that not surprise me? [He opens the fridge and sighs] Man, something stinks in here again. [He grabs his lunch out of the fridge]

Sara

What, bad milk? Cottage-cheese bad?

Nick

Worse. It's all over my sandwich. Smell that. [He hands her his sandwich, she reacts to the smell. She then kneels down to look in the fridge and sees a container on the top shelf]

Sara

Yeah. He's got one of his experiments in there.

Nick

You're kidding me?

Sara

It's not bugs.

Warrick

Oh, that's so not cool. That's a community fridge.

Nick

Man, someone has got to talk to Grissom about this.

Grissom

[Walking in]: Talk to me about what?

Nick

You leaving your experiments in our refrigerator.

Grissom

Well, the lab fridge was full. I put in last night.

Nick

Well...

Grissom

I'm going to test for horizontal motion on bloodstains. Vis-a-vis surface textures. [Nick looks annoyed. Catherine takes a sip of her coffee and discretely tries to ignore the smell. Grissom is clueless as he takes out the container of blood from the fridge and opens it] Hey, any of you guys got any linoleum at home? [Catherine catches a smell of the open container and this time, she discretely pinches her nose trying to avoid the smell. Sara is quiet]

Nick

[sits down still annoyed at being ignored] That blood is rank, man.

Warrick

Way to go, Nick. You really told him.

Nick

I told him...he just didn't hear it.

Nick

How do you get one vic, let alone four... To sit still while you put a bullet between their eyes.

Grissom

They were praying.

Nick

Yeah, for mercy.

Grissom

For whoever was shooting them.

Nick

Guy in the robe flagged down an officer.

Grissom

Guy in the robe is a monk, Nick.

Nick

Yeah. Well. [Nick looks at the monk for several seconds then turns back to Grissom] He's a quiet monk.

Grissom

We need a treadmill, a big one.

Nick

All right, to do what?

Grissom

To exercise a bus.

Sara

[laughing]

Warrick

Who wrote this?

Nick

You're kidding me, right?

Warrick

[dramatic voice] Nick Stokes, crime stopper! [Warrick and Sara laugh] You went Hollywood on me man!

Sara

And I quote, 'In his off time, he enjoys creating and inventing toys.' That's...facinating...what kind of toys do you make Nick?

Nick

I thought I got my hands on all those departmental newsletters. Where'd you get those?

[simultaneously] Greg.

Nick

[pause] Yeah, that figures.

Nick

Hey.

Sara

Hey!

Nick

Wow. You look...

Sara

Happy?

Nick

Smug. Actually.

Sara

How is that possible? The mechanic saw the bomb.

Nick

X-ray vision?

Nick

Hmm... hello, sweetheart.

Sara

End cap.

Nick

Pipe bomb.

Nick

Sara, if you found a bomb in your car, would you close the hood?

Sara

No, I would back away fast. Um... maybe the hood dropped?

Nick

No way. BMW has built-in hood shocks.

Sara

Liar, liar, car on fire.

Nick

You know, when I was 16, I begged my mom for a car. Swore she'd come through.

Sara

What happened?

Nick

Encyclopedia Britannica. (laughs) All 24 volumes. Still own them, still use them.