Gil Grissom quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Grissom

Wherever you live is your temple. If you treat it like one.

Sara

State your source.

Grissom

Buddha.

Grissom

We need a treadmill, a big one.

Nick

All right, to do what?

Grissom

To exercise a bus.

Robbins

Glad I'm a dog person.

Grissom

You know, house cats have only been domesticated for 4,000 years. They still have predatory instincts.

Catherine

Only 4,000?

Grissom

Yeah.

Greg

Your vehicle was painted Sarasota Silver. Also, only available on the S-Series '99 models. I checked with the Mercedes State Rep. Five were sold in Nevada. Sara's tracking down the owners.

Grissom

You've, uh, already shared this information with Sara?

Greg

Yeah, an hour ago. And she was way more fascinated than you are.

Grissom

Well, I'm somewhat fascinated by the fact that I'm your boss, but you talked to her first.

Greg

Well, you were at dinner.

Grissom

I've been in the lab all day, Greg.

Dr. Robbins

Educated guess: Beautification. She was injected with pig botulism. Botox ... the ultimate wrinkle cream.

Grissom

How did it get into her bloodstream?

Dr. Robbins

Bad doctor. Missed the muscle. Shot directly into her supratrochlear vein.

Grissom

Amazing the advances we make in science and the primitive uses we find for them.

Greg

Psst, Grissom. [whispering] We got a development. I went over those swatches that Sara gave me from the bed sheet.

Grissom

Are you whispering?

Greg

I don't want that Gerard guy to hear me.

Grissom

Well, he's not here, so stop it.

I get one phone call, right?

Grissom

Sure. Just like in the movies.

Catherine

D.A. just got the call. Tom's manager hired Marjorie Westcott to defend him.

Nick

"Soundbite" Westcott?

Catherine

Guilty, rich client, high-profile case it's right up her alley. Publicity for her new cable show.

Grissom

Forget about who's involved. We do this like we do any other case.

Grissom

Tom Haviland's attorneys are not waiving time.

Nick

Are you serious?

Sara

They're actually exercising their right to a speedy trial?

Gil

No requests for continuances, no stall tactics. They're pushing for their day in court.

Warrick

Good defense attorney always does the last thing you expect.

Catherine

Yeah. What typically drags on for months has now been put on the fast track and the prelim is less than 72 hours.

Greg

I'm only done processing half the evidence.

Catherine

You're going to have to call in help, because if the judge thinks that our evidence isn't strong enough to go to trial, he's going to dismiss the charges on Tom.

Sara

Can't the D.A. drop the charges and we'll refile when we get our evidence together?

Catherine

Sure, but the odds are that Tom will relocate to Europe and pull a Polanski.

Greg

And what's a Polanski?

Grissom

Get-out-of-jail-free card. One more thing: Westcott just added a forensic scientist to their roster. She wants him to examine every piece of evidence we have against Haviland.

Nick

As soon as it's processed they'll get a copy of our report.

Gil

They're entitled to see it as it's processed.

Nick

I've never done a case where the defendant took advantage of that rule of discovery.

Gil

Well, when you can't attack the evidence itself, you attack the method of gathering the evidence.

Sara

So who's their guy?

Grissom

Dr. Phillip Gerard.

Sara

Phillip Gerard? Your mentor is their forensic scientist?

Grissom

Yeah. Marjorie Westcott's a smart lawyer.

Catherine

Marjorie's requesting copies of CSI's proficiency test records, by midnight.

Grissom

So relax. If any of us had failed the yearly proficiency test, we wouldn't be here.

Catherine

You completely forget, don't you? My test is on appeal.

Grissom

Oh, right.

Catherine

Board said I was wrong on one question. I said the question was ambiguous. They're going to rule my way, but not before the prelim. [sighs] Just trying to rattle me.

Grissom

Is it working?

Catherine

Maybe I should just take a page out of your book. If I don't collect or analyze anything, I don't have to testify. Of course, it helps to be boss. Very politic. Ecklie must be rubbing off on you.

Grissom

Yeah, that's it. Ecklie.

Warrick

I just got served. Movie star's lawyer wants the shirt that I wore to the crime scene.

Grissom

So give it to him.

Warrick

I had to throw it out.

Grissom

Why?

Warrick

It was covered in the blood from the accident victim.

Grissom

Well, you have to find it; otherwise, it'll look like you've got something to hide.

Warrick

Oh, CSI's on trial now?

Grissom

CSI's always on trial, Warrick; you know this. Burden of proof is on us.

Grissom

[to Dr. Gerard] What happened to you? You were a pioneer in forensic science. How many bad guys did you put away in Hennepin County?

Dr. Phillip Gerard

My share. How many innocent men have been locked away since then because of sloppy investigating shortcut forensics?

Grissom

You look for mistakes in any lab, you'll find them.

Dr. Phillip Gerard

I shouldn't be able to, Gil.

Grissom

Humans are fallible.

Dr. Phillip Gerard

Not this fallible: compromised blood, sweetheart deals...

Grissom

No, no, no, no. You're subverting good evidence. These are good people.

Dr. Phillip Gerard

The accused is entitled to the best defense possible.

Grissom

The accused is entitled, yeah. He's a movie star, that's why he's entitled. He's killed two women. You know it. But you're willing to decimate these CSIs so that you can spoon-feed a jury into letting him walk.

Dr. Phillip Gerard

A jury believes me because of my reputation just like they do you.

Grissom

The difference is, Philip, I get the same paycheck regardless of what I testify to.

Dr. Phillip Gerard

I'm saying this as a friend. For the reputation of CSI, tell the D.A. to drop this, re-file down the road.

Grissom

What about the victims' families? Who's their friend? [Dr. Gerard doesn't answer] My guys will see you in court.

Sara

There was another guy in that room. That's, that's great. The defense has us moving so fast we can't make sense of our own evidence.

Grissom

That's what they want.

Brass

[when Tonya's body is found] Did, uh, Tom Haviland ever play a boxer? Girl's face looks like hamburger meat.

Grissom

Looks like uncontrollable rage to me.

Nick

Grissom, you might want to come down here.

Grissom

Just say it, Nick.

Nick

Beans and franks. Tonya's a man.

Grissom

Looks like that old Hollywood saying: "Never get caught with a dead girl or a live boy." So, let's see Tom's in bed with what he thinks are two girls. He reaches down on one, becomes very confused. Most guys would have just cleared the room and gargled with whiskey. But Movie Boy, who brags about doing his own stunts, couldn't take the thought of having a man in his bed, so he freaked out.

Dr. Phillip Gerard

[to Grissom] You're not running evidence. Or have you changed your mind? [Grissom doesn't say anything] By the way, tell your mother I say 'Hello' next time you talk. I was so impressed that night we all had dinner. The sign language... how you interpreted for her. Fluid, didn't miss a beat.

Grissom

What'd you do, subpoena my doctor?

Dr. Phillip Gerard

Knowing your genetic predisposition for hearing loss?

Grissom

You've become a bottom feeder, Philip.

Dr. Phillip Gerard

Your work is dependent upon your five senses. The fact that you're losing one of yours wouldn't bode well for any evidence you introduced.

Grissom

You know, all those years I worked for you, you never got to know me at all, did you?