TV show quotes
(About Travis's new girlfriend) So gang, what do we think of her?
Do you think she wears a schoche too much makeup?
Impossible. There's no such thing.
You look like you poured your makeup on the floor, then rolled around in it.
Poppy, the transsexual at the makeup counter I frequent, would beg to differ.
Plus, Travis scared me. He said you always embarrass him when he brings a girl home.
Travis, I said I would never do that again.
(Popping up from behind a chair) Hi Kristen!
What was that?
What was what?
It's starting again.
(Popping out from behind the cabinet) Hi, Kristen!
(Popping out from behind the couch) Hi, Kristen!
(Popping out from inside a chair) Hi, Kristen!
Hey, Kristen.
Okay everybody, big finish.
Hi, Kristen!
(Singing) It's Kirsten, but you can call me whatever... I hate that I'm singing
She's like a nervous little bird!
You guys can understand what I say, right?
It should be me. I probably should've brought this up to you in our first through sixth year of marriage, but sometimes when you talk too quickly or too quietly, or when you talk at all-
Get to it! Bobby, we can't understand one word you say! Or as you would put it, we can't urbadurn your frazzle dazzle! (Everyone but Bobby laughs)
Ya'll think you're funnier than a barrel full of Foxworthys. But you're not. (Leaves)
Does anyone know what he just said?
Nope.
Not a clue.
Frazzle dazzle.
Can I give you some constructive criticism?
As long as you start with something nice!
You are a great gal. Smart, funny...
I can swim real fast!
So fast! But your hugs are too intense. Now I love 'em, not really, but for people you're not sleeping with, you can't give them that stab-me-with-your-pelvic-bone hug.
But people love them!
Grayson: But people don't. Just dial it back a little. Say I'm a grocery boy who just carried your bags to your car. How do you thank me? (Jules hugs him) Whoa! See, that's a little much.
Jules;: Okay. (They start to kiss, Travis and Kevin come in)
Aww!
Happy Thanksgiving break, sweetie! (Hugs him) Great that you could join us, Kevin! (Gives Kevin a big hug)
Jules...
I can't help it. It's like hugging a sofa!
So you just brought me out here to make fun of me?
No. I don't like sharing how I feel, especially in front of the peanut gallery. (Laurie, Ellie, and Travis wave) But I know it matters to you, so I invited them all here so they could hear me say this. You're an idiot. You're worried we're not alike enough to be together? One of my favorite things about us is how different we are. It's the couples that really work. (Points to Andy and Ellie) His favorite movie is Die Hard and she... is a horrible person.
It's Love, Actually, actually. Ooh, sequel!
I've been scared to say this, but all those ways that you're different from me, that's why I love you. (Laurie and Ellie gasp) I love you, Jules. (They kiss)
It's a pet cemetery. There's the dove, the squirrel, and for the lizard, I just buried your whole shoe, it was really on there.
This is getting kind of creepy.
Like serial killer creepy.
Are we at a dead lizard's funeral in your mom's yard?
You did this to us.
Oh hey Rache, now bear with me, I have to order for everyone. Okay, I'll have one soy largey, one teeny tiny, one teeny teeny tiny unleaded, one Plain Jane, extra yum - what the hell make it a double yum - a Baby Joey, a Midnight with a Full Moon - hold the pumpkin, a medium coffee, I need a Heavy D in a travel mug please, two Crazy Ivans, a Sauron's Eye. Also I need a 'damn!' and an iced 'damn!,' a Sneaky Pete, a double drip with a snip of whip, and a frap cap heavy on the (makes crushing sound). Oh, and let's see what's fresh...okay, well I'll take three raisin happy muffins, a French mustache, and, ick, a fart muffin - that is not for me. Oh, and I forgot to order my own coffee! Can I get a Taye Diggs, which is black and extra strong and smooth but very sweet?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cougar Town pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
