Lt. Columbo quotes from Columbo

Lt. Columbo

I dug this bullet out of that wall three hours before you said that somebody fired it at you three minutes ago. [Long pause] You're under arrest, sir.

Lt. Columbo

That's why the barrel and the chamber were clean when Ballistics checked out the gun. That's a lovely touch. A converter! I never figured on a converter.

Lt. Columbo

In this synopsis which you gave me which you claim Eddie Kane wrote nine months ago, the hero saves his men and he goes off to live in a monastery. I hate to tell you this, sir. There is no way that Eddie Kane could have had that idea. It wasn't even Allen Mallory's. It was given to him by his agent Miss McRae. And for the life of me I cannot figure out how Eddie Kane could have written an ending nine months ago that was only invented last week.

Lt. Columbo

For $100,000 you don't kill off Rock Hudson.

Lt. Columbo

He's involving you in murder. Was that part of the deal?

Lt. Columbo

That first day I couldn't give a hoot in hell about a thief. I was looking for a cigar smoker and there you were.

Lt. Columbo

You tried to contrive the perfect alibi, sir. And it's your perfect alibi that's gonna hang you.

Lt. Columbo

[seasick] The same thing happened to me last year. Me and my wife were at this motel with a water bed. I thought I was gonna die.

Lt. Columbo

[talking to the gate man] So ordinarily he'd pull up in a car and tell you where he's going and you would come in here and you would record it on a log. But tonight he wrote it on a magazine in advance. I've got this funny habit. You know, when a person does something one way and then he suddenly does something another way I immediately think...[taps head]. I'm sure it doesn't mean anything.

Lt. Columbo

This is this. This is what you presented at the art show the night of the murder. The problem is it was on the desk immediately after the shooting. How did it get to the art gallery? By your own testimony you took it there. But in order to get it off the desk you practically had to step over the body. That woman was shot BEFORE you left the house... and you shot her.

Lt. Columbo

I have an eyewitness, Dr. Collier. An eyewitness that will place you at the head of the Donner driveway at 5:30 Monday afternoon. But the eyewitness is not Mr. Morris. The eyewitness is you.

Lt. Columbo

Wait till I tell my wife.

Lt. Columbo

I gotta take off this coat. I can't think in this coat...THE COAT, I can't think in the coat.

Lt. Columbo

[to Dog as he puts his new coat in the car] Now I'm going to leave this coat in here. If anyone tries to steal it, look the other way.

Lt. Columbo

[to Fowler] Brilliant, sir! I'm very impressed! No wonder you solve more crimes than I do, sir.