Lt. Columbo quotes from Columbo

Lt. Columbo

Mrs. Williams, you have no conscience and that's your weakness. Did it ever occur to you that there are very few people who would take money to forget about a murder? It didn't, did it? I knew it wouldn't.

Lt. Columbo

[During a lesson with the golf pro he's investigating] Listen, can I help you out? Don't say anything else. You don't have an attorney. Wait until you get an attorney. This way you can hurt your case. Believe me, I know something about my business. I don't know nothing about golf, you know. See, that's your business. I know something about my business. And believe me, you know, down through the years, uh, you get so that you, uh, you develop a nose for things, you see, and, uh [makes a perfect swing] after a while the ol' nose just tells you when someone is not giving you the truth. Now, uh, I'm gonna forget about the lesson because I could never learn this game but I'll be back to talk to ya.

Lt. Columbo

Well, if it was me, if it was my gun, I would take very good care of that gun. I'd have it in my apartment where people could see it. And I would keep it polished and I would keep it oiled. And I would keep it loaded. And when a certain Colonel Dutton came to see me and threatened to expose me, that's the gun that I would use.

Lt. Columbo

You know what strikes me? You're the one that downgrades yourself. One dinner with General Hollister and you begin to doubt your senses.

Lt. Columbo

[to upset Mrs. Matthews] Now I want you to go right ahead and I want you to forget about all this. Just do what my wife does. 'Cause when she hits a department store, she just can forget anything, even the fact that I'm sitting outside waiting.

Lt. Columbo

Well, you see, he pulled the rug out from under you when he left his collection to Mrs. Mathews so you only had one thing that you could do-- murder him and blame it on her.

Lt. Columbo

You know something, Roger? The truth is hard to find sometimes. Sometimes it's right in front of you and you can't prove it.

Lt. Columbo

Now you see, my problem with Chemistry, that started way back in high school 'cause in my junior year I, I had to get a better grade. So I said to heck with this Chemistry stuff. I'll take another year of wood shop. You know, you just build a birdhouse and if you paint it red you get an A.

Lt. Columbo

I can't imagine anyone murdering themselves, especially a young girl like that. Beautiful eyes. But that's me. I'd like to see everyone die of old age.

Lt. Columbo

Anyway, I happened to be in the neighborhood today. That's not true. I really came out here to see you. I don't want to appear presumptious.

Lt. Columbo

Oh, listen, just one more thing. Uh. I know you don't agree but at least I've convinced my superiors that Jennifer Welles was murdered. It was not a suicide and they've officially assigned me to the case. That's my specialty, you know. Homicide.

Lt. Columbo

You know, in a way I have to congratulate you. Up until now, you really had me going. I mean, here you are, you're a surgeon, a man that's gotta be cool. Even when you're angry you're controlled. You never lose yourself. That's why it struck me funny when you blew up in the operating room and you grabbed me and pushed me. I mean, you know, there was only one thing we didn't search. You know what it was? It was me.

Lt. Columbo

The murderer just had to be a deaf man.

Lt. Columbo

I'm sorry, Mrs. Peck, but I think this time they needed each other so much that they both did something very bad.

Lt. Columbo

Where there's a microscope, there's always a slide.