Chuck: Is it me or does our government never want me to have sex again?

Chuck: Look, what if I surrender and you run. I mean I'm going into a cell anyway. What's the difference?
Sarah: Torture.
Chuck: Okay, no surrender.

Chuck: My life took a little detour senior year when our old friend Bryce Larkin discovered stolen tests under my bed and was kind enough to alert administration.
Sarah: Did you steal the tests?
Chuck: I thought it was kind of implied that I'm a decent person!
Sarah: Well, we all make mistakes.
Chuck: And I've made plenty; that just wasn't one of them. But, hey, then Bryce sent me a whole database of government secrets that are now locked in my brain, keeping me in a constant state of fear, danger, and anxiety, sooo...I'd say we're even.

Chuck: No more Wednesday/Friday surf and turf?
Morgan: Harry Tang is drunk with power!
Anna: He could have an accident.
[everyone looks at her]
Anna: I'm just sayin', I know a guy, very reasonable...His rates, I mean, not him.
Morgan: Way to think outside of the box, Anna, me likey! What do you say Chuck?
Chuck: Are you two crazy? What? No! I'm not gonna have a guy rubbed out just because he upsets our lunch routine!
. . .
Chuck: You didn't offer to kill Harry for Anna did you?
Casey: No. Why, you want me to kill him?
Chuck: No! No, just curious...

Chuck: So listen, I've been thinking a lot about last night. And you know, you guys were talking about how this spy could be...valuable to us. So I was thinking what if we could convince her to, I don't know, like give up...some secret stuff or...
Sarah: You mean defect?
Chuck: Defect, yes! People do that kind of thing all the time, right? The Hunt for Red October...uh...White Nights. [after Casey stares blankly at him] White Nights? Gregory Hines...Baryshnikov...dancing their way to freedom?
Casey: [sarcastically] Well, as long as you've done serious research on the subject. You get her to defect, I'll help rescuing her brother personally.
Sarah: Why are you bringing this up?
Chuck: Well, she sorta, uh, just...called me.
Casey: She called you? Where?
Chuck: At the Buy More. And I think she might been in the store too, because she knew my every move. She even knew that I had mustard on my tie.

Chuck: Something came up.
Big Mike: Is that something more important than being assistant manager? Is it more important than handing over your promotion to Tang? [He becomes distraught] Please, Chuck, is it more important than Big Mike's relaxation?!?
Chuck: Look, Big Mike, there are just some things in life that are just more important than the Buy More.
Big Mike: You mean like fishin' and danish?

Ellie: How did you get in here?
Morgan: Chuck's window or, as I like to call it, the "Morgan Door."

Ellie: There's no need. I figured it out. I know.
Chuck: You do?
Ellie: You haven't had a girlfriend for a long time and you're in love.
Chuck: Yeah. I am?
Ellie: But lying to me? Missing our most important day like...like you're in high school? I mean do you even know that Morgan's about to be fired?
Chuck: Ellie, I can't apologize enough. I...everything that you're saying is right. I guess that I'm just so, um, I'm so head over heals that I'm not thinking straight, you know?
Ellie: Listen, I know that this is the first big thing to happen to you in while. And you feel like your life's not going anywhere, your job's not either, and you're not Superman out there saving the day. But your a good person and your a good brother and you're a good friend. Don't lose that.

General Beckman: Our most valuable secrets have been sent to an idiot.
Director Graham: At least they weren't sent to his friend.

Ilsa: My agency's tried everything to take him to trial, but his organization's air tight. Totally legit from the outside. The only way we could take him down was...
Casey: By screwing it out of him? How, um...French.

Jeff: Heart breaker.
Lester: Dream maker.
Jeff: Love taker.
Lester: Don't you mess around with Chuck.

Jeff: What if you're the unwitting target of a ninja vendetta and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nunchuks?
Chuck: ...That's super, Jeff. Thanks for thinking outside the box on that one. And here I thought I couldn't get any more freaked out.

La Ciudad: I think your hand is supposed to be on my hip.
Chuck: Right. Apparently I learned the girls' part of this dance. Would you mind leading?

Laszlo: [pointing a gun at Chuck] I was framed! Okay? You have to believe me, I am not murderer!
Chuck: Okay! Okay! I believe you! But FYI, you're kinda acting like a murderer.

Mei-Ling Cho: [preparing to rescue Mei-Ling's brother] Good, every warm body helps.
Chuck: I'm sorry, wha-me? No, no, no, no. Look as much as I wish that I could help you, I can't. I made plans with my sister. They are non-negotiable.
[everyone looks at him]
Chuck: But of course, I know that you wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for me. I want to be with my sister and you obviously really want to be with your brother. We're like one big wacky transatlantic family.
[pause]
Chuck: I owe you. I'm in.
Sarah: Okay fine, but you don't leave the van under any circumstances.
Chuck: I just need to be home by eight. If that's at all possible.