Chuck quotes

412 total quotes

All Seasons
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Chuck: [after the super secret computer was downloaded into his head] Did you spike the punch?
Morgan: Something goes wrong, you blame me. After all these years, where's the trust? [pause] Yes, I did.

Morgan: Stop the presses! Who is that!? Vicky Vale!
Chuck: Vicky Vale, Vi- Vicky Vale, Vickity Vickity, Vicky Vale, Vi- Vicky Va...
[sees Sarah]
Sarah: I hope I'm not interrupting.
Chuck: Uh no, not at all. That's from-it's from Batman.
Sarah: Because that makes it better?
Morgan: Ahh, Hi. Hey, I'm Morgan. And this is, uh, this is Chuck.
Sarah: Wow, I didn't think people still named their kids Chuck. Or, uh, Morgan, for that matter.
Chuck: My parents were sadists, and carnival freaks found him in a dumpster.
Morgan: But they raised me as one of their own.

Jeff: What if you're the unwitting target of a ninja vendetta and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nunchuks?
Chuck: ...That's super, Jeff. Thanks for thinking outside the box on that one. And here I thought I couldn't get any more freaked out.

Sarah: That's funny.
Chuck: Well, I'm a funny guy.
Sarah: Clearly! Which is good, because I am not funny.
Chuck: Is that your big secret, by the way? 'Cause I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you...
Sarah: Oh, plenty...believe me.
Chuck: I was thinking "either she's a cannibal, or she's really not that funny," and I was pulling for cannibal 'cause I'd never met one before...
Sarah: Uh, not a cannibal, but I did just come out of a long relationship, so I may come with baggage.
Chuck: Well, I could be your very own baggage handler.

Sarah: Come any closer and I shoot!
Casey: ...You shoot him, I shoot you, I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.

General Beckman: Our most valuable secrets have been sent to an idiot.
Director Graham: At least they weren't sent to his friend.

Chuck: [about Sarah meeting his family for the first time] Meeting the family's kind of a big step, if our relationship were remotely real.

Ellie: How did you get in here?
Morgan: Chuck's window or, as I like to call it, the "Morgan Door."

Chuck: [to Sarah] Look, I'm not accusing you of Yesterday yes, I may have laid it on a little thick with the accusing. But I'm really sorry about that. Instead of not trusting you I should have been thanking you for saving my life and protecting the country and for making really tasty gourmet wieners.

Casey: This is how this is gonna work. I'm gonna go over there, rescue Sarah, capture Dr. Zarnow, shoot anybody who gets in my way. You, you're gonna stay here.
Chuck: So in this plan I basically do nothing?
Casey: Yup.
Chuck: [dramatically] ...Let's do this.

Chuck: I've got some bad news. Big Mike wants us to fix all of this junk in two days or he's going to give the assistant store manager position to Tang. I'm sorry guys. And Anna.
Anna: "Guys" is fine; I don't mind.
Chuck: No, it's not right. We need to come up with something non-gender specific. How do we feel about "team"?
Anna: Fellow Nerd Herders?
Lester: The Lesters?
Jeff: Chuck's Stable of Hoes?

Chuck: [regarding the pictures of dead people] Why are these people sleeping?
Casey: They're not sleeping.
Sarah: They were killed, Chuck, and we wanna know why.
Chuck: [putting the pictures down] I have no idea.
Casey: Well, look again.
Chuck: I would rather not. It's kind of creepy.

Chuck: My life took a little detour senior year when our old friend Bryce Larkin discovered stolen tests under my bed and was kind enough to alert administration.
Sarah: Did you steal the tests?
Chuck: I thought it was kind of implied that I'm a decent person!
Sarah: Well, we all make mistakes.
Chuck: And I've made plenty; that just wasn't one of them. But, hey, then Bryce sent me a whole database of government secrets that are now locked in my brain, keeping me in a constant state of fear, danger, and anxiety, sooo...I'd say we're even.

Morgan: Because tonight Chuck Bartowski is boldly going where none of us have gone before...To have intercourse with a beautiful woman.
Anna: Speak for yourself.
[Everyone stares at Anna]

La Ciudad: I think your hand is supposed to be on my hip.
Chuck: Right. Apparently I learned the girls' part of this dance. Would you mind leading?