Cheers · Season 10
Frasier, I've got to run. I'm having my photograph taken for a new ID badge at the lab.
Are you going to get your hair done for that?
Why on earth should I?
Well at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean if that baby goes, we are dead!
That hardly seems just, coming from a woman whose hair has never seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean.
What are you doing down here, Hill? Hair Club for Men meeting?
Oh I didn't see you down there Miss Tortelli. Although frankly, [sniffs] you do announce your presence.
So have you decided what color you're going to dye your head for Easter?
Why don't you just scuttle under the office door and get Sam?
[Yelling in Mr. Hill's face] SAM! HILL'S HERE!
Hey Mr. P, how goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
Not as well as the search for Mr. Doughnut. I found him every couple of blocks.
I am being kicked out. Just because I am not a citizen and I have no job and I have no prospect for a job and I have no wish for a job.
Wait a minute. They can kick you out for that?
No, no relax. You were born here.
God bless America.
You're wrong Kelly. He's using you. He wrote that letter himself. He's not going to be deported. He's just trying to steal you away from me.
How did you figure that out?
You mean I'm right? Wow. Score one for the Indiana school system.
You've been with thousands of women over the years, right?
Yeah right.
How many cards do you get on Father's Day?
That doesn't mean anything.
Sammy sooner or later you're gonna have to face the possibility that whether you like it or not you might just possibly have a low sperm count.
You're fired!
Where's Norm and Cliff?
I guess they're at work. I don't know.
You've got a cute sense of humor, Woody. I like that.
Hey sweetheart, what do you think? If it's a boy we name it Sam.
Oh I don't know. You know I always thought that naming a child after yourself was saying you wanted them to grow up just like you, like the things you like, to act the way you do.
Okay, Sam it is.
I sense the mood of the bar. You're all suffering from the winter blues; the shortened daylight hours, the cold numbing weather, the bleak sense of isolation. It's what we in the psychiatric professions call, the jackpot.
You know when I was a kid I was the first one in my class to, you know, develop breasts. They teased me the whole year.
Oh yeah? Me too.
Who's birthday? One of your kids?
Yeah right, you see a file in it? Today happens to be Elvis Presley's birthday.
Celebrating the birthday of a dead guy. That's kind of ghoulish, isn't it? I don't know how you could stomach something like that.
It's double mocha chocolate fudge.
Long live the king.
Excuse me miss, I've been sent to collect some specimens.
They're sitting over there on the other side of the bar.
Carla, good news. I've given a lot of thought and I decided to offer my employees a group medical plan.
Oh man, that's great Sammy. What changed your mind?
It's the right thing to do. You guys need it. You deserve it. It's important to you. Plus they passed some kind of law.
Carla, you can't believe God has a personal vendetta against you.
Look at my kids. Look at my husbands. Look at my life. What do you think?
You know Carla never ceases to amaze me. She has a strange mixture of fervent religious faith and primitive superstition. I suppose it's part of our ever changing mixed up culture.
I don't know that you should blame Carla's belief system on culture, Frasier. The need to worship high intelligence is an innate and universal phenomenon. In fact, in recent week it's become clear that my lab rats worship me as a goddess. I must confess I don't discourage them.
Very interesting dear. Apropos of nothing, how many vacation days do you have coming?
I don't know, 80, 85.
What do you say we cash 50, 60 of those in and have you spend a little time with some people?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
