You're offended because she thought you were a scum bag?
No. I actually like that.
S1 E6Any Friend of Diane's
[about her friend, Rebecca] Sam. That woman over there is a dear friend of mine. Now she is going through a very difficult period. So whatever she asks you, please, just say no.
[confused] What?
No.
[approaching Sam and Diane] Diane?
Yes?
Would you excuse us a moment?
Fine.
[as she leaves Sam and Rebecca alone, Diane emphatically mouths the word "no" to Sam]
Would you object to joining me in my hotel room for a afternoon of wild animal passion?
[loudly so that Diane can hear] No!
[Diane nods her approval]
What's your name?
Does it matter?
[loudly so that Diane can hear] No!
You're offended because she considered you nothing but a stud service?
No. I actually like that.
S1 E7Friends, Romans, Accountants
Say didn't we used to have a weekly Elizabethan poet night?
It started getting too rowdy.
I remember the night you were charged with practicing iambic pentameter without a license.
You know, Sam. If I am to serve both as a waitress and the butt of jokes I think I should make more money.
Yeah, what does a good butt make in this town?
...
[to Diane] We all know that you'd starve to death before you made a living with your body.
[looking for a last-minute date for his boss] Carla, do you suppose...
No no Norm, don't look at me. I got four kids and I sure ain't lookin' for any more.
I didn't say to have sex with the guy.
It doesn't matter. I'm what you call a fast breeder. A man winks at me, I'm three months along.
S1 E8Truce or Consequences
What could happen?
Oh nothing, oh nothing. Two women left alone who hate each other in a room filled with glass and alcohol.
Name calling, the last refuge of the monosyllabic.
I don't know what that means but I heard slob in there.
S1 E9Coach Returns to Action
It's the damnedest thing. I've been shivering all the way over here.
Well, Coach, you don't have a coat on. It's 30 degrees outside.
Oh, thank god. I thought I had malaria.
Well, what I can't fathom is how one can drink ice-cold beer in freezing weather.
Cliff, explanation, please?
Now, how do you know he has one?
Five bucks says he does, ten says that it's a doozy.
When the British ruled the Punjab...
Ten bucks, all the way.
S1 E10Endless Slumper
What's the story, Norm?
A thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.
[talking about how Sam was able to make the beer slide around the corner of the bar] Okay, how do you do it?
Well it's just one of my two hidden talents. The other one is just as impressive.
But you can hardly charge a buck for it.
S1 E11One for the Book
[about the player piano] Sammy, why do you keep something around here that doesn't work?
[about Diane] Because no one else will give her a job.
BBuzz
What if I bought this guy a beer?
Buy me a pitcher and you can kiss me on the lips.
Oh, sir, save your quarter. That piano hasn't worked in twenty years.
Use the jukebox. It doesn't work, either, but it's only a dime.
[about the player piano] Sammy, why do you keep something around here that doesn't work?
[about Diane] Because no one else will give her a job.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cheers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.