Chris Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Paige

And she's under the influence.

Chris

Of alcohol?

Paige

No. Adolecence.

Chris

Hey, look, I need your help. I think I've got scabs in my tail. (Piper and Paige stare surprised)

Piper

Oh! Well, I have some hydrogen peroxide in my bathroom.

Chris

No! scabbers demons.

Piper

It's a boy. Chris, actually.

Victor

Chris? Why'd you choose that name?

Piper

I don't know, and he won't tell me. He's very secretive about the future. He's actually the reason I asked you to come. See, um, he hates me and he doesn't want to talk to me and I need you to find out why.

Victor

I don't understand your wiccan ways, but I'll try. (He leans towards Piper's stomach) Hello, Chris. Chris. Hello, Chris. Can you hear me?

Chris

Is someone calling me?

Piper

Yeah, sweetie, could you come here for a sec?

Victor

Geez, he can come out? (Chris walks in)

Chris

Can we air this out, 'cause I gotta... Grandpa! (Chris goes over to Victor and hugs him while Victor is stunned)

Piper

Chris, is that what you've been living with knowing that something happens to me? I see, well does it happen soon?

Chris

I can't tell you that, it could change the future in even worse ways.

Piper

Right, but isn't that why you came here in the first place, to make the future better? How do you know that you haven't already changed mine?

Victor

She's got a point.

Piper

Well, whatever it is it obviously doen't happen until after you're born so save it. Got it?

Chris

I got it, mom. (Piper smiles)

Paige

So are you happy?

Piper

'Bout what?

Paige

About what the doctor said: it's gonna be a healthy baby.

Piper

Of course it's a healthy baby, I've seen him 22 and walking around.

Paige

Well you never know, something could've gone wrong!

Piper

Oh, stop being such a worry wart, you're starting to sound like...(Chris orbs in.) Chris! What are you doing here?

Paige

This better not be about demons, 'cause I am on my lunch break!

Chris

No, no. I just wanted to check how it went with the doctor.

Piper

Well. You'll be happy to know that you're a boy!

Chris

Funny. That's not what I meant.

Paige

(looking at ultrasound.) I don't see it...

Piper

Oh, see it's this little thing over here...

Chris

(snatches ultrasound away.) Hey! Excuse me, do you mind? (pauses, looks at ultrasound and squints.)

Chris

Wait, you had a force field with Wyatt but not with me?

Piper

Well I didn't have one, he had one. It was all his doing.

Chris

From the womb? He had powers from the womb? That's unbelieveable, it's not like I don't have an inferiority complex with him already. Thank you!

Piper

(to Paige) Did you find that demon yet?

Paige

Yes, actually I did. It's the Spider Demon. An evil creature that emerges from its hidden lair every hundred years to capture and feed off the most powerful magical being it can dtect, in this case, that would be you. (looks at Piper)

Chris

And me.

Chris

Sorta.

Piper

You must be so proud.

Piper

Okay, what do you say we make this eight legged freak wish it'd never been hatched?

Chris

Woah, hold it, you are not going anywhere mom, this is way too risky.

Paige

He's actually right without the Wyatt force field thing...

Chris

Okay, do you have to keep rubbing that in?

Paige

Aren't there any therapists in the future?

Chris

We need Phoebe.

Piper

No, I don't wanna interrupt her date with Mark.

Paige

Actually, it's Mike this week.

Chris

No, it's Mitch, but who cares. We need her.

Leo

Can we talk?

Chris

There is nothing to talk about.

Leo

I think there is. Quite a bit, actually.

Chris

It doesn't matter.

Leo

It does to me, Chris. You're my son. I think I deserve to know what I did that's so bad.

Chris

You were never there for me. You were there for everybody else, Mom, Wyatt, half the world, but you were never there for me. You didn't have the time.

Leo

So, maybe you came back from the future not just to save Wyatt. Maybe you came back to save us, too.

Chris

I doubt it.

Phoebe

How is Piper? Have you seen her?

Chris

She's good...Uh, big. You know, I keep thinking how weird it's gonna be to actually see myself being born...

Chris

I think I have a new theory on who might be trying to turn Wyatt evil.

Paige

Oh, a new theory. What's that? Like the third one this week?

Chris

What're you keeping score now?

Phoebe

She's just grumpy 'cause she hasn't had her coffee yet.

Paige

I am not grumpy. (Phoebe gives her a look.) Ok, fine, maybe a little bit. But you have to admit you've had a lot of different theories lately, and none of them have panned out.

Chris

That's why they call them "theories".

Paige

Do we even get along in the future?

Phoebe

Paige, I don't even want to talk about this. I mean, how could you do such a thing?

Paige

Oh, what, like you've never conjured stuff before.

Phoebe

Yeah, well, never for myself and never a sex toy.

I am not a sex toy.

Phoebe

Quiet, you.

Paige

Well, we did it for Piper before.

Phoebe

Yes, but that was different. We were trying to convince her to not give up on love. We were desperate.

Paige

Well, maybe I am too.

Chris

Excuse me, shouldn't we be focusing on the bigger issue here?

Phoebe

How long has this been going on?

Paige

About three weeks.

Phoebe

Three weeks!

Paige

Give or take. You're the one who kept telling me I needed a break.

Phoebe

Yes, but I meant take a day off, you know. Go to the spa, have a pedicure, get a massage.

I massage her.

Chris

Not something, someone. Demonatrix.

Phoebe

Look Chris, what you do in your spare time...

Piper

(laughs) Phoebe?! Are you here to save me or kill me?

Phoebe

I havn't decided yet, turn around.

Chris

You know your time-travel section is due for a serious overhaul. I mean, I can find more information Googling.

Googling?

Chris

Never mind.

Leo

Hey, I'm here now you can hold on okay? Hold on, hold on... I'm here, you can hold on. Don't give up, okay?

Chris

You either...

Leo

No, no, no. Please, no, no, please no...

Leo

So, I don't understand. If I'm in the past...what are you doing here?

Chris

I'm guiding you.

Leo

So you're real?

Chris

No, but I represent something that is. I died in you arms, Dad. Killed by everything that you thought was good. I'm your root pain, okay? And I'm gonna be sticking with you until you're ready to let me go.

Leo

How will I know when that is?

Chris

C'mon. Lets check out some parts of your life that you really need to remember

Leo

Do I have a choice?

Chris

Hey it's your vision quest. It's up to you. C'mon.