Phoebe Halliwell quotes from Charmed

But we might have to confine you until we get back. So tie you down, I guess.

No! Go to hell!

Do we have any chains?

Phoebe

I actually think I have something. (walks in with handcuffs)

Where did you get the--? Never mind.

S1 The Wendigo

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Phoebe

...besides, that's your world, I need to find one of my own.

You will.

Just stay out of my world or I'll kill you!

(Phoebe frowns and Prue stares at her confused, Piper starts getting up)

Just kidding, it's a joke!

S1 The Wendigo

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Oh, well, I thought I'd tell her that, uh, you know, as much as I love her and as much as I would like to stay in San Francisco, I can't, a-and I don't know how long my work will keep me away.

Phoebe

No, no. What you just said was as much as you would love to stay and have sex with her, you have a wife and kids in another part of the country. Try again.

Uh... (chuckles) Piper, um, you know how much you mean to me, and more than anything, I wish things can work out, but, they can't... and no one is more sorry than me.

Phoebe

(shakes her head) Translation? I found someone I like even better.

I'm completely confused.

Phoebe

Look, Leo, it's not that complicated. Okay, um, just avoid the following: We can still hang out; I don't deserve you... yet; I need more "me time" before we can have "we time" (makes air quotes), and my personal favorite: It's not you, it's me. And whatever you do, do not start of the conversation with "we need to talk", other than that you'll do fine.

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Piper (about Leo) : It just seemed like he wasn't telling me the whole story, like he had some secret he was afraid I couldn't handle.

Phoebe

Well, that's his call. Assuming that he had a secret. Might not have.

What are you talking about?

Phoebe

Ok, ok, you don't have to beat it out of me. Leo is a whitelighter. They're sort of guardian angels for witches. And they're not supposed to get involved with witches, but Leo couldn't help it. He fell in love with you, and that broke all the rules and got him in all sorts of trouble. And even though he'll love you forever, you will probably never see him again.

What? Phoebe, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Oh, God. Don't be so silly.

Phoebe

That's me, silly.

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And looky here, miss Phoebe's diaries...

Phoebe

The place where I kept all my secrets...

(Piper and Prue stare at her with a suspicious look)

What?

The place where you kept your secrets?

(Phoebe nods)

Phoebe, you could never keep a secret...

Phoebe

Oh, that is so not true.

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In the meantime, you must help me keep my secret or I can get into trouble, ok? Piper and Prue can never know what I really am.

Phoebe

Me keep a secret? Hello, wrong Halliwell!

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You're the only Halliwell that actually likes earthquakes.

S1 Is There a Woogy in the House?

I don't like them, but I don't go running through the house naked screaming "run for your life" either.

Phoebe

Okay. That is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.

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You know, someday you might actually hear yourself say stuff like that.

Phoebe

Yes, and I will find myself sassy and delightful.

S1 Which Prue is it Anyway?

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We didn't go anywhere. We were just standing here, and the next thing we knew...

Phoebe

We were just standing here.

Patty

I told you to use poplar buds.

Grams

It's a perfectly good spell. I mean, it moved them through time.

Patty

Yeah, ten seconds.

S1 That '70s Episode

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Phoebe

Then what's wrong with being a couple?

Well, I thought Leo and I were a couple and then we...coupled and he took off.

S1 Out of Sight

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I hate cemeteries at night.

Phoebe

I hate cemeteries at day.

(They hear a noise.)

Phoebe

What was that?

Probably a zombie or a vampire.

Phoebe

Great, where's Buffy when you need her?

S1 The Power of Two

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Prue, have you seen my purse?

In the kitchen. Have you seen my keys?

They're by the T.V. I can't find my plane ticket. Did I give it to you?

Maybe you packed it.

I didn't just pack it, I just saw it.

(Phoebe holds Piper's plane ticket and tries to have a premonition. It works.)

Phoebe

I can't believe it.

(snatches Piper's plane ticket off Phoebe.) Found it.

S1 The Power of Two

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Phoebe

I've been practicing how to call a premonition, and I did it. I saw a future event on command. Oh, and that's the good news. The bad news is... I saw you missing your flight.

Oh, great.

S1 The Power of Two

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Phoebe

Okay, it's not that easy to break me.

What was it in high school that the guys started calling you after they caught you making out with someone under the bleachers?

Phoebe

It's not gonna work.