Phoebe Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Does he do that a lot?

Piper

Wyatt?

Phoebe

What is he doing? Why is he doing that?

Piper

Apparently he's trying to scare away all of my dates. You little rat. Did your father teach you that?

Phoebe

So not the time!

Piper

You're right. You're grounded! (Piper passes Wyatt to Phoebe)

Paige

Okay, anyway, Book, Excalibur...?

Phoebe

Yeah, nothing. Nada.

Paige

Really?

Piper

Told you.

Paige

You know, hey, maybe it's been out of circulation since ye olden days, and maybe no Halliwell has ever come across it before.

Phoebe

Well, we have run across these guys, executioner demons, lower-level badasses for hire.

Piper

Who hired them?

Phoebe

This higher-level badass. (shows them the 'Dark Knight' page in the book)

Phoebe

Yeah, but I don't need divine help. I need filing and faxing and desk management help.

Paige

I'm your girl. I really am. We'll just, you know, see if the divine stuff kind of appears later. Usually does.

Phoebe

Yeah, but I can't tell you what to do. I mean, how weird is that?

Paige

Well, it's no weirder than usual.

Phoebe

Oh, I see.

Paige

Just kidding, sort of.

Phoebe

I sort of told him that I loved him last night.

Piper

Oh, and this is bad?

Phoebe

No, except I said, "I love you too." As if he said "I love you" first, which he didn't.

Piper

So wait, you told him that he loves you before he told you that he loves you? Yeah, that's not good.

Phoebe

I still can't believe we vanquished its mummy.

Paige

Yeah, but we didn't know it was a mummy and besides, mummy tried to kill us.

Piper

Paige, where have you been? You're late.

Paige

I know, I'm sorry. I got tied up.

Phoebe

Where? At Richard's?

Paige

No, I was at work. Get your mind out of the gutter, missy.

Phoebe

Hey, you're the one that orbs home to find lingerie.

Paige

Two times! I did that twice.

Piper

Yeah, it's about the only time we ever see you anymore.

Paige

Why did I come here? To get picked on?

Phoebe

Because we love you.

Piper

We kinda miss you.

Paige

I am not at Richard's that much. Fine! Maybe I am. But, you know, I am just an orb away if you need help.

Piper

Yeah, the thing is, we just gotta be careful. Because if we stray too far away from each other, demons take advantage. We've learned that lesson the hard way a few times.

Paige

I know, I know, I get it. I just really don't wanna think of us living together in fifty years.

Piper

Naaah, twenty, thirty years, tops.

Phoebe

We can always move to Hong Kong so I can see Jason whenever I want.

Piper

How do you say "dream on" in Chinese?

Piper

Impressive.

Phoebe

Berlitz. Okay, what about you, missy? Spill it!

Piper

Spill what?

Phoebe

Come on, you and Greg? Put out any fires lately?

Piper

Is that supposed to be a subtle fireman reference?

Phoebe

Yeah, you like it?

Paige

Wait a minute. You're going out with a fire-fighter?

Piper

Proof positive. You haven't been around much.

Phoebe

Let's see, they've been seeing each other for about three weeks, and someone, I won't say who, although it's not the fireman, is avoiding taking it to the next step.

Piper

I'm not avoiding. I'm just a little reluctant, that's all.

Paige

My dear, it is time to get back in the saddle.

Piper

Now a cowboy reference.

Phoebe

Piper, you just need to relax and let it happen.

Piper

Yeah, easy for you to say. You weren't sleeping with an angel for three years.

Phoebe

Yeah, but you were nervous when you and Leo first started, you know? I seem to remember that you used to freeze him during all the good parts. Hey, maybe you should...

Piper

No. I'm not freezing Greg. I'm so nervous, I'd probably blow him up.

Phoebe

Well?

Piper

Gutter, gutter, gutter.

Chris

What are you guys talking about?

Phoebe

Stuff.

Paige

Hey, where you going?

Chris

I gotta go work on the next demon... stration.

Phoebe

Chris, why don't you relax and have a drink with us?

Chris

Thanks, but I didn't come here to relax.

Phoebe

(about Chris, after he leaves) That is one bitchy whitelighter.

Piper

You're telling me.

Paige

Hey Piper, why don't you go talk to the guilt machine over there?

Phoebe

Hm.

Grams

You and Paige moved out? When?

Phoebe

A few weeks ago. But we're handling everything.

Grams

Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the manor. Exactly how are you handling things?

Phoebe

Yeah well, why Me?

Piper

Cause he's not my type.

What do I usually do at this point?

Phoebe

You usually do something very final, if you catch my drift.

Piper

You know, if I hadn't taken over Paige's room, this never would've happened. This is all my fault.

Phoebe

Okay, you two really need to get a room.

Piper

Yeah.

Piper

Where's Wyatt?

Chris

He's in the living room.

Phoebe

What about Grams?

Leo

She... didn't make it. (The basement door opens. Grams walks out, coughing.)

Grams

Nonsense. You can't damage an old war horse like me. I'm already dead.

Paige

Sensitive, but not a wuss-bag.

Phoebe

And someone that is a good listener.

Paige

Okay, good cook.

Phoebe

Handy around the house.

Paige

Good with kids.

Phoebe

Gets the whole normal-life thing.

Paige

Has a really big--

Phoebe

Paige.

Paige

Uh. Is this the perfect guy or what?

Phoebe

All right, throw it in.

Phoebe

Why not take advantage of him while you can? I mean, figuratively speaking, of course.

Paige

Oh, hell, literally, it is your birthday.

Phoebe

Je ne sais pas, pourquoi?.

Paige

Since when do you speak freedom fry?

Phoebe

Are you in charge here?

I am.

Phoebe

Good. Because I'd like to get into bed with you. Not literally. Although... there may be time for that later.