Piper Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Let me take the boy for a walk.

Piper

All right. Just don't forget a hat for those ears.

I always keep the baby warm.

Piper

I meant yours.

Piper

Without picture ID's, we got no credit cards, we got nothing. It's like we don't exist.

Paige

Everyone in the world thinks we're these trashy blondes. I do have to hand it to them, though. They've taken identity theft to a whole new level.

Surprised to see us? I got my first premonition tonight.

Phoebe

I know you did, you genius. I planted it to lead you here.

¡Oh!

Well, from where I'm standing, that's seems like a stupid thing to do. And I know a LOT about stupid things!

Piper

(Ironically) Yeah, see, she got us there!

Piper

How did you know they weren't us?

Chris

In all my life I have never seen you take the bait the way that witch took it from you.

Phoebe

In all your life? But you've only been our Whitelighter for two months.

Chris

Let's just reverse the magic.

Phoebe

Trust me. The sooner you get back on the dating horse, the easier it will be.

Piper

No, I know. You're right, you're absolutely right. It's just, the truth is, I'm a little scared. I mean, I was married to an angel, for crying out loud. Who is gonna compare to that?

Phoebe

I know, but, Piper, you also dated a demon, a warlock and a ghost, you know. That's what you should be scared of.

Piper

Super pep talk, sis.

Leo

How was your date?

Piper

Short.

Leo

Short? You mean like "leprechaun" short?

Piper

No, Leo, he wasn't short, the date was cut short by this.

Piper

Okay, let's look at the bright side. We settled a family feud, we set free a tortured soul, maybe your new power and Paige's new solo path away from the sisterhood, is some kind of synergy, that is all working together in some kind of divine way.

Nah.

Phoebe

I have half a mind to call Jason and complain about it, but I don't wanna use our relationship for leverage.

Piper

What's the use of sleeping with your boss, then?

Phoebe

Because I actually enjoy sleeping with my boss.

Piper

Yeah, don't brag.

Piper

What the hell is going on?

Paige

Bitch later, vanquish now. (Piper and Phoebe vanquish the demon Zahn)

Phoebe

I love watching lawyers explode!

Piper

Can I bitch now?

Does he do that a lot?

Piper

Wyatt?

Phoebe

What is he doing? Why is he doing that?

Piper

Apparently he's trying to scare away all of my dates. You little rat. Did your father teach you that?

Phoebe

So not the time!

Piper

You're right. You're grounded! (Piper passes Wyatt to Phoebe)

Paige

Okay, anyway, Book, Excalibur...?

Phoebe

Yeah, nothing. Nada.

Paige

Really?

Piper

Told you.

Paige

You know, hey, maybe it's been out of circulation since ye olden days, and maybe no Halliwell has ever come across it before.

Phoebe

Well, we have run across these guys, executioner demons, lower-level badasses for hire.

Piper

Who hired them?

Phoebe

This higher-level badass. (shows them the 'Dark Knight' page in the book)

The sword has chosen. You are the new saviour. The champion of good, the master of Excalibur. Welcome to your new destiny.

Piper

Oh, crap.

It's drawn to you, just like you're drawn to it.

Piper

Do I look like I'm drawn to it, pal?

You will be in time.

Piper

No, I don't have time to play Queen Arthur.

Phoebe

I sort of told him that I loved him last night.

Piper

Oh, and this is bad?

Phoebe

No, except I said, "I love you too." As if he said "I love you" first, which he didn't.

Piper

So wait, you told him that he loves you before he told you that he loves you? Yeah, that's not good.

Piper

Paige, where have you been? You're late.

Paige

I know, I'm sorry. I got tied up.

Phoebe

Where? At Richard's?

Paige

No, I was at work. Get your mind out of the gutter, missy.

Phoebe

Hey, you're the one that orbs home to find lingerie.

Paige

Two times! I did that twice.

Piper

Yeah, it's about the only time we ever see you anymore.

Paige

Why did I come here? To get picked on?

Phoebe

Because we love you.

Piper

We kinda miss you.

Paige

I am not at Richard's that much. Fine! Maybe I am. But, you know, I am just an orb away if you need help.

Piper

Yeah, the thing is, we just gotta be careful. Because if we stray too far away from each other, demons take advantage. We've learned that lesson the hard way a few times.

Paige

I know, I know, I get it. I just really don't wanna think of us living together in fifty years.

Piper

Naaah, twenty, thirty years, tops.

Phoebe

We can always move to Hong Kong so I can see Jason whenever I want.

Piper

How do you say "dream on" in Chinese?

Piper

Impressive.

Phoebe

Berlitz. Okay, what about you, missy? Spill it!

Piper

Spill what?

Phoebe

Come on, you and Greg? Put out any fires lately?

Piper

Is that supposed to be a subtle fireman reference?

Phoebe

Yeah, you like it?

Paige

Wait a minute. You're going out with a fire-fighter?

Piper

Proof positive. You haven't been around much.

Phoebe

Let's see, they've been seeing each other for about three weeks, and someone, I won't say who, although it's not the fireman, is avoiding taking it to the next step.

Piper

I'm not avoiding. I'm just a little reluctant, that's all.

Paige

My dear, it is time to get back in the saddle.

Piper

Now a cowboy reference.

Phoebe

Piper, you just need to relax and let it happen.

Piper

Yeah, easy for you to say. You weren't sleeping with an angel for three years.

Phoebe

Yeah, but you were nervous when you and Leo first started, you know? I seem to remember that you used to freeze him during all the good parts. Hey, maybe you should...

Piper

No. I'm not freezing Greg. I'm so nervous, I'd probably blow him up.

Phoebe

Well?

Piper

Gutter, gutter, gutter.

Chris

What are you guys talking about?

Phoebe

Stuff.

Paige

Hey, where you going?

Chris

I gotta go work on the next demon... stration.

Phoebe

Chris, why don't you relax and have a drink with us?

Chris

Thanks, but I didn't come here to relax.

Phoebe

(about Chris, after he leaves) That is one bitchy whitelighter.

Piper

You're telling me.

Paige

Hey Piper, why don't you go talk to the guilt machine over there?

Phoebe

Hm.