Piper Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Phoebe

I did something really bad! I slept with my boss!

Piper

Jason!?

Phoebe

No Elise...yes of course Jason!

Piper

You color-coded the Book of Shadows?

Paige

Uh huh.

Piper

We need Phoebe!

Phoebe

Hello?

Piper

Ask and you shall receive!

Paige

Vanquishing demons is not a sport, Piper.

Piper

It is if you're good at it!

Phoebe

Well thanks to me, my paper's going to get an exclusive on her because I slept with Jason!

Piper

Oh good, so this is all your fault then?

Phoebe

Uh huh.

Piper

Perfect.

Phoebe

Are we back to blaming you again?

Piper

Yep.

Phoebe

Just checking.

Piper

He is so innocent. If only he had any idea what Mommy and Auntie Paige did today.

Leo

They turned a very bad man into a very big tree.

Leo

Rock on.

Piper

Don't do that.

Leo

Rock on.

Piper

Give it up man.

Phoebe

Oh my God! Piper, you're blind!

Piper

Yeah, Phoebe, I just said that, now could we talk about how a monkey could do that.

Phoebe

What did she say?

Piper

What did who say? The monkey? The monkey didn't say anything, he covered my eyes and stole my eyesight.

Phoebe

I think the monkey stole your eyesight when he covered your eyes!

Piper

Ugh, Phoebe, are you listening to me? That's just what I said.. ugh, you are acting like you can't even hear me.

Phoebe

Oh Piper it's no use, I can't even hear you. The monkey stoled my hearing.

Piper

What about Leo?

Phoebe

Oh no, did I kill the hag too soon?

Piper

Oh, if she hurt him, you know, I'm going to have to revive her and kill her again.

Piper

Everything okay?

Paige

Better than okay. I am gonna have a love life.

Phoebe

You're making a love potion?

Paige

No, I'm making a stun potion.

Piper

So that lovers will be stunned by you?

Paige

No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me.

Phoebe

You're in love with a Kazi demon'?

Paige

[sighing exasperatedly] Stay with me, people.

Piper

Grams... meet the next generation of Halliwells. (she gives Grams the baby) Baby Wyatt!

Grams

Wyatt? (she laughs) That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it?

Phoebe

Grams! It's a boy! (her grandmother stares at her) Look at the outfit!

Paige

(in disbelief) You didn't know?

Grams

Well, no, I - I just assumed it was a... what went wrong?

Leo

(offended) Wrong?

Grams

(backtracking) Oh well, I don't mean 'wrong' wrong, it's just that we've... (staring at Wyatt with some mistrust) always had... girls.

Piper

(determinedly upbeat) And now we have a boy!

Grams

And, you know, men are just so...

Paige

Evil! That's what they are. They are just plain evil.

Piper

Oh. I take it Nate wasn't too happy about you being a witch.

Paige

Oh, Nate was fine with my being a witch. It's maybe his wife that would have had a problem.

Piper

He's married?

Paige

Yeah. With two kids.

Piper

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Grams

I told you she should have gotten a dog.

Penny!

Piper

Penny?