Alexis Castle quotes from Castle

I can tell you this: Any relationship that lasts longer than a breath mint is gonna have challenges, but if a relationship doesn’t work out, it’s usually not because of the challenges, it’s usually because the relationship wasn’t strong enough to begin with. Does this help?

Alexis

Not really. (Snuggles close to Castle) But this always does.

I promise you this: if two people believe in something, really believe, anything even the impossible, is possible.

The last time I saw you in your PJs after eight am, I think you were four.

Alexis

We're off today. Teacher's retreat. I didn't feel like getting dressed.

This wouldn't have anything to do with Ashley, would it?

Alexis

Did I do the right thing, breaking up with him?

Oh, sweetie, I don't know. That's something only you can answer.

Alexis

It sucks. I miss him a lot.

Yeah, well you're not doing yourself any favours sitting around reading Pride and Prejudice. That's just gonna make it worse. Might as well be listening to Adele.

Alexis

Hey, she totally gets it. And so does Jane Austen.

Well, how about just a low-key evening with your girlfriends? You guys can have a John Hughes marathon and fill out a Cosmo quiz.

Alexis

Dad, the ‘80s just called. It wants its plan back.

Let me ask you two something. If you found out a man was cheating on you, how would you kill him?

Martha

Knife. To the heart.

All right, what if you don’t have the stomach for that?

Alexis

Shoot him.

You don’t have the stomach for that, either.

Martha

What's wrong with our stomachs?

Alexis

There’s always poison.

Martha

True. Watch him writhe. And suffer.

Alexis

Die like the rodent he is.

Wow. All these years writing about murderers, I had no idea I was living among them.

Martha

Darling. Beauty does not happen by accident.

Alexis

That’s why when it goes unappreciated by cheating scum, (she holds out her butter knife) we want revenge.

Buttons? You have a friend named Buttons? A human friend.

Alexis

Her mom called her that when she was little and it stuck.

Now, so is she.

Alexis

Buttons and I bonded over being rejected from Stanford. In fact, we applied to a lot of the same schools, so we were planning to visit a few campuses together this weekend. Make a road trip out of it.

Whoa. Okay, whoa. Where are you staying, who’s driving, and who’s chaperoning?

Alexis

We were going to take your Ferrari and hook up with some boys we met on Craigslist.

Not cool.

Her last name is Dutton? (Alexis nods.) Your friend’s name is Buttons Dutton?

Martha

That is unfortunate.

Alexis

What’s so wrong with that?

Come on, it’d be like calling me Rassle, or Tassle, or (answering his phone) No Hassle Castle. Hey... No I was just making up one... Please don’t call me that.

…But it made me think, all those times when you were little, how you begged me for a dog, and I refused because-

Alexis

You said you’d be the one who’d wind up having to feed it. And it was hard enough remembering to feed me every day.

Yeah… [Blinks in confusion] I don’t remember that last part.

Alexis

It was subtext. [Castle gives her a look] Barely.

Anyway, I want to make it up to you. I want to get you a dog. Only question is, what kind of dog do we get? What are we gonna name it? Whose room is it gonna sleep in?

Alexis

Whoa, Dad, slow down. I’m leaving for college soon, remember? You can’t have a dog in your dorm room.

Right. I know, I’ll just take care of him here, you can come visit him whenever you can.

Alexis

So…this dog you want to get, you know, for me? This wouldn’t be an enticement to come home from college more often, would it?

Don’t pretend like you’re smarter than me. I taught you subtext, young lady.

Alexis

Don’t worry. I’ll come back and visit so much you’ll be sick of me.

Promise?

Alexis

Yeah. Someone has to leave food out for you once in a while.

Speaking of, I’m kind of hungry right now.

Alexis

Kibbles ‘n Bits?

Peanut butter on a spoon?

Alexis

[Laughs] Chinese.

I’d like a sandwich. Welcome home.

Alexis

Yeah.

Alexis

Just so you know, I’m not letting this victim out of my sight.

Lanie

Crazy.

Alexis

What is?

Lanie

The fact that Richard Castle, a man unburdened by regret and guilt, has a child that carries the weight of the world.

How could they get a court order that fast?

Beckett

I don’t know. Maybe you should ask your girlfriend.

Lanie

Girlfriend?

Yes. Okay? We slept together. It was a long time ago. What’s the big deal?

Beckett

There is no ‘big deal’, sleep with whoever you want. The more the merrier!

Alexis

(Clearing her throat.) I have those, uh, toxicology reports you wanted.

Lanie

Oh, yes, just set them there, sweetie. Thank you.

(To Alexis, as they return from the precinct) So, how was your day at precinct?

Alexis

Great. And here I thought the dead bodies were going to be the grossest part.

Martha

I turned down the role. Turned my back on fortune. And, it was the best career move I ever made. For an even greater role came my way. The part, perhaps the greatest role that I have ever played. That, of mother.

Beckett

(To Castle.) That’s sweet.

You’re right, that is sweet.

Alexis

Shh.

Sorry.

Martha

Now, if Richard had only been able to embrace the role of son with the same level of commitment...

And, into the woods we go.

Alexis

Based on my reading of the coroner's report, I can see why Graham Morton's death was ruled natural causes. However...

Ooh! There's a "however."

Lanie

A very big however. [to Alexis] Tell them.

Alexis

There were some anomalies I found suspicious. Evidence of petechiae in both eyes. Fresh bruising on the right side of Mr. Morton's nose, which could have happened if, say, someone was holding a pillow over his face. All in all, I think there is ample evidence that Mr. Morton was murdered.

[to Lanie] Ample? [Lanie nods] Murdered. [grabs Alexis and hugs her] I am just so proud.

Alexis

Dad. Work. Boundaries.

Right.

Martha

You’re rather upbeat, considering you said this was your last case with Beckett.

That’s because I am going out with a bang. I have one word for you, Mother. Zombie.

Martha

Too much makeup?

You look lovely. I’m referring to our victim being killed by one of he walking undead. And I mean that literally. A zombie. Security camera caught him in all his putrefying glory.

Martha

Whoo. I don’t suppose you downloaded this video, by chance?

Absolutely not. That video is police property. It would be very, very wrong of me to get a screen grab of it and e-mail it to myself.

Martha

Well, it’ll be our little secret, darling.

I’m actually surprised at your interest in this case, Mother.

Martha

Well, I really do know the difference between a first-rate makeup job and actual decay. You wanna see some real zombies, check out the red carpet at the Tony Awards.

I thought I… I thought I put this away.

[Looking around] Where is she? Where is she?

Alexis

[Speaking villainously] You were a fool to buy my act yesterday, and now you’ve fallen right into my trap.

[Dramatically] You will pay dearly for your treachery. [To Martha] Et tu, Mother? For luring me here?

Martha

Why, whatever do you mean?

Mmm. [Back to Alexis] That’s my girl.

Alexis

[Unhooking herself from the rope] So what’s this about a zombie?

How’s your speech coming?

Alexis

I have watched or read every graduation address ever written and compiled all the best advice into one speech. And then I read it out loud, and guess what I sounded like? A pompous ass. I’m 18 years old. What the hell do I know?

[Embraces her] Hey, look, everything you know, everything you will know is what’s true for you.

Alexis

And I know everything’s changing. Everything’s going to be different. And I’m so scared.

Of what?

Alexis

Moving on.

Write about that. [Kisses her forehead] That feels true.