“An Embarrassment of Bitches” quotes from Castle

Buttons? You have a friend named Buttons? A human friend.

Alexis

Her mom called her that when she was little and it stuck.

Now, so is she.

Alexis

Buttons and I bonded over being rejected from Stanford. In fact, we applied to a lot of the same schools, so we were planning to visit a few campuses together this weekend. Make a road trip out of it.

Whoa. Okay, whoa. Where are you staying, who’s driving, and who’s chaperoning?

Alexis

We were going to take your Ferrari and hook up with some boys we met on Craigslist.

Not cool.

Her last name is Dutton? (Alexis nods.) Your friend’s name is Buttons Dutton?

Martha

That is unfortunate.

Alexis

What’s so wrong with that?

Come on, it’d be like calling me Rassle, or Tassle, or (answering his phone) No Hassle Castle. Hey... No I was just making up one... Please don’t call me that.

Hey, that’s not Jason Bateman.

Castle

That’s getting old.

Castle

We could keep him here at the precinct. I mean, we could use a mascot.

Esposito

I thought that’s what you were.

Castle

That... what’s that? What's that buddy? Esposito’s sense of humor fell down a well and can’t get out?

Castle

You think she’s wearing a wire?

Esposito

Dude, look at that outfit. Where’s she gonna put a wire?

Castle

Well, if I had to be creative, I’d guess... (noticing Kate’s look.) That’s rhetorical.

…But it made me think, all those times when you were little, how you begged me for a dog, and I refused because-

Alexis

You said you’d be the one who’d wind up having to feed it. And it was hard enough remembering to feed me every day.

Yeah… [Blinks in confusion] I don’t remember that last part.

Alexis

It was subtext. [Castle gives her a look] Barely.

Anyway, I want to make it up to you. I want to get you a dog. Only question is, what kind of dog do we get? What are we gonna name it? Whose room is it gonna sleep in?

Alexis

Whoa, Dad, slow down. I’m leaving for college soon, remember? You can’t have a dog in your dorm room.

Right. I know, I’ll just take care of him here, you can come visit him whenever you can.

Alexis

So…this dog you want to get, you know, for me? This wouldn’t be an enticement to come home from college more often, would it?

Don’t pretend like you’re smarter than me. I taught you subtext, young lady.

Alexis

Don’t worry. I’ll come back and visit so much you’ll be sick of me.

Promise?

Alexis

Yeah. Someone has to leave food out for you once in a while.

Speaking of, I’m kind of hungry right now.

Alexis

Kibbles ‘n Bits?

Peanut butter on a spoon?

Alexis

[Laughs] Chinese.

I’d like a sandwich. Welcome home.

Alexis

Yeah.