Javier Esposito quotes from Castle

Castle

You were writing songs for him?

Yeah. Here, look. [Grabs the song paper and hands it to Esposito] I already started. I got pretty far on that one.

Esposito

Let me see that. [Looking it over] I do like the vocal line on this.

Castle

You read music?

Esposito

What, you think ‘cause I’m a cop, I can’t sing?

Castle

No, I think you can’t sing because I’ve heard you sing.

Esposito

That karaoke machine was busted. I’m gonna sing for y’all later

Ryan

Nun walks into a precinct... It’s like the beginnings of a bad joke. [Begins fixing his tie]

Esposito

You wanna borrow a comb of something?

Ryan

Shut up.

Esposito

You know what this reminds me of? Watching one of those body-switching movies where the guy looks like a grown man, but he’s actually 12.

Ryan

Hey! Let me tell you something. Catholic school is like combat. Unless you’ve been there, you don’t know.

Esposito

Uh, I have, been there, in combat. And it’s way worse than some old lady.

Ryan

We're putting up the tree the other day, Jenny says to me, "It just doesn't feel like Christmas without kids." She wants to try. But I come to work, I watch the news, every day... it seems like the world's falling apart. How am I supposed to bring a kid into that?

Esposito

The world's always falling apart, bro. Since the beginning of time. But having kids, making a family, that's what keeps it together.

Esposito

…he didn’t go all Santa for the money. Back in the day, he used to pull down a half a mil a year. As Santa, he made a tenth of that.

Ryan

You can make that much as a Santa? Maybe I should switch jobs, huh?

Esposito

What? Gain 200 pounds and have a bunch of rug rats sitting on you lap with dirty diapers?

Ryan

[With a disgusted face] Yeah, thanks for the visual.

Castle

Is this a bad as it seems?

Esposito

No, it’s much worse. Much, much worse.

Castle

No, okay, hang on. Let’s take a step back from this, let’s just think about it. Just dinner.

Ryan

Just dinner between your ex-wife and your new girlfriend. That’s deadly. Castle, you have two worlds;

Esposito

Two.

Ryan

Right now, they’re both coming together.

Esposito

Uh, oh.

Ryan

What happens when worlds collide?

Esposito

Boom.

Castle

Okay, guys, you are taking this a little too far.

Esposito

Castle. Meredith knows things about you.

Castle

So?

Esposito

So…

Ryan

So…

Esposito

So is there anything Meredith knows that you don’t want Beckett to know?

Esposito

Boom.

Ryan

Two worlds colliding.

Castle

Here’s something that doesn’t add up. Tyrese Wilton’s phone. Why would Shane tell Joey to steal a phone worth a couple hundred bucks? Especially when there had to be so much bling at that party?

Esposito

Dude, nobody says “bling” anymore. Try “shine.”

You keep showin’ up here like this, my boys are gonna think you’re sweet on me.

Esposito

Not anymore, they won’t. You are walking on grand larceny and accessory after the fact. Wow. Now that kind of luck does not last long.

I guess I gotta go play the Powerball tonight then.

Esposito

This is my gun. And this one will be yours. You ever go near Joey, or any other kid ever again, the story’s gonna go like this. ‘You pulled that piece on me. Now, I had to defend myself, so, I killed you’. You understand me? Or should we play out that story… [Pushes one of the guns toward Shane] …right here, right now?

[Sighs] Ah. I hear you.

Esposito

Good.

Esposito

[Handing Joey a card] Here. If you need anything, day or night, call me at that number.

Okay. You’re all right. For a cop.

Esposito

I know. Now get out of my car

Esposito

Yo. How's the in-breast-igation going?

Ryan

And that's why you're still single.

Lanie

This is a 36-D Sultura.

Beckett

Oh, that’s high-end.

Lanie

Definitely. One of these could run you $200, $250.

Esposito

250$ dollars for a bra?

Lanie

Oh, but its okay to spend that on a pair of sneakers, right?

Esposito

A pair of sneakers is practical, okay? They gotta support your, um..

Castle

[Shaking his head] Eject.

Esposito

Okay.

Esposito

Paris? What the hell is he doing in Paris?

Beckett

He thinks he can find her.

Ryan

What, so he's Liam Neeson now?

Esposito

Liam Neeson? The dude's barely Ashley Judd.

Esposito

Deep cover? I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.

Beckett

Espo, he didn’t even tell Jenny.

Esposito

Yeah, but I’m his best friend. She’s just the wife.

Beckett

Thus proving why there is no Mrs. Esposito

Esposito

Hey. It’s hard to find a woman for this much man.

Ryan

My name is not Fenton. It's Kevin Ryan. And I'm a cop.

What?... Cop?

Ryan

Yeah. And I'm placing the three of you under arrest.

Well, that'll be a hell of a trick considering Liam's about to shoot you and your girlfriend.

Ryan

Wait a second, Liam, before you do that, let me ask you a question. Where's your cell phone, huh?

What?

Ryan

Remember when we tussled back in the hall? Yeah, I picked your pocket. And then when you weren't looking, I dialed my partner and left the line open.

No way.

Ryan

He heard exactly where we were going.

Liam?

He's full of crap, Bobby. He's bluffing.

Ryan

Oh, am I? Why don't we meet my partner, huh?

Ryan

Yo, Javi, where you at?

Esposito

Right here, bro.

Ryan

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, he is former Special Forces. You do not wanna draw on him. Wanna meet the rest of my crew?

Ryan

Hey, Beckett!

Beckett

[approaching from behind Bobby] You called, Ryan?

Ryan

Don't let the looks fool you, boys, you don't want to mess with her either.

Ryan

Castle!

Castle

[stepping out from his hiding place behind Beckett] Seriously? I didn't... I didn't bring my vest.

Ryan

[to Bobby and Liam, as squad cars approach] Drop your weapons! Now.

Ryan

Castle, how's the knee?

Castle

It's not the knee so much as the *boredom*.

Esposito

I thought you writers liked being alone.

Castle

Yeah, if I could write. But the painkillers make me a little loopy. Last night, I used the word 'speculate' three times in the same sentence.

Ryan

Hmm. You must be bored. You've actually gone "Rear Window".

Castle

Alexis got me those as a joke to cheer me up. I have not *yet* resorted to voyeurism.

Ryan

Then you are missing out.

Esposito

What? Let me see.

Ryan

No. Hey!

Esposito

Give me the binoculars!

Ryan

Dude, she was just about to take off her towel.

Esposito

[using binoculars] Oh, the towel's off.

Ryan

Yeah?

Beckett

[comes up behind them] Unless the body that you're looking at is dead, I suggest you drop those binoculars.

Beckett

Tommy "The Shark"'s alibi holds. He was with some associates at a nightclub that he owns.

Beckett

Look, if he killed Clara, he wouldn't have talked to me. No. Hiding the money, planning to disappear. Something else is going on here. So what've you got on the husband?

Ryan

Oh, not much. He's a manager at a big name supermarket in Queens. No priors. Been married seven years. Oh! And he took a million-dollar life insurance policy out on his wife only three months ago.

Esposito

Huh. That's not suspicious.