Richard Castle quotes from Castle

Esposito

Castle, hey, is your, your girl here?

Ryan

Rina.

Beckett

Rina used to baby-sit Alexis, fellas. So, as far as Big Rick here is concerned, she might as well be wearing a chastity belt.

Castle

Thank you for that visual image. That's… And also, thank you for calling me "Big Rick".

Castle

Wait, is that why you've been so upset? Because I let her [Cosmo reporter] read it before you?

Beckett

I am the inspiration. I should be reading it before a reporter does.

Castle

Why didn't you just say so?

Beckett

Why didn't you just give it to me?

Castle

Why didn't you ask?

Beckett

Why didn't it occur to you?

Castle

You'll have it by tomorrow.

Beckett

Good.

Castle

Good.

Castle

You don't think Fletcher's telling Jerry the truth?

Beckett

That he's suddenly a con-man with a heart of gold? No. That's just another con.

Castle

Wait, you don't think people can change?

Beckett

No. I've seen too many repeat offenders to believe for one second that a guy who promises never to beat his wife again actually won't.

Castle

That's a pretty bleak attitude.

Beckett

Not bleak - realistic.

Castle

[on CIA Agent Gray] This man is a machine. I've interviewed serial killers, hitmen. Agent Gray?

Beckett

Mm-hmm?

Castle

By far, the most dangerous man I've ever met. [looks around and whispers] He once killed a North Korean agent with a melonballer.

[suddenly appearing behind them] It was an ice cream scoop, Castle. And that information was supposed to remain private.

Castle

Sorry.

Beckett

I hate this case.

Castle

I know, isn't it great?!

He wasn't a con man. He was in the CIA.

Castle

[thrilled] Best case ever.

Beckett

[half-interrupting him] Shut up.

Castle

You were all over me to get a copy of that book. Do you have any idea how many hoops I had to jump through, just so my editor wouldn't send an armed guard to watch over you while you read it? The least you could do is to… [pauses and looks at her] Oh. Oh! I see what you're doing.

Beckett

I'm not doing anything.

Castle

Oh, yes, you are. Yes, you are. You're trying to push my buttons, but it's not gonna work.

Beckett

Really?

Castle

Mmm.

Beckett

'Cause it seems to be working just great. [smirks]

Beckett

It's really a kind of psychopathy. To be so cold that you can look someone in the eye, tell them that you love them, and then rob them blind without the slightest remorse.

Castle

[Blinks and holds up his hands] Whoa, I just flashed back to the eighth grade. [Indignant] Sherry Ort. Broke my heart, stole my lunch money.

Beckett

Beckett.

Castle

[raving on] Then she laughed about it with her friends.

But what about the phone call from Steven?

Castle

Well, she must've faked it somehow.

Why?

Castle

Because…

The con is still on!

Esposito

Yeah, it's too bad, too. Your kind of case, bro'.

Castle

Yeah?

Ryan

Yeah, body was found down that manhole over there. Half eaten.

Castle

Eaten?

Ryan

Yeah, it was covered in some kind of green slime.

Castle

Whoa...

Esposito

Yeah, it was creepy. It's as if someone or some thing is down there.

Castle

[Catching on] Ha, that's... okay. Very funny. Great. [To Beckett] Was there a body down the manhole?

Beckett

Yeah.

Castle

Okay, thank you. An adult.

Beckett

Yeah, you should have seen what else was down there. Two metal canisters with bio-hazard stickers and yellow powder inside of them.

Castle

You opened the... [the detectives smirk] Alright. Will someone please tell me what's really going on here?

Ryan

We're gonna check nearby trash cans for the murder weapon.

Castle

What was the murder weapon, by the way?

Ryan

Some kind of death ray.

Esposito

Turns your insides out.

Beckett

[Having read the dedication in the "Heat Wave" book] I was just, eh, the, eh, the dedication, wow, thank you...

Castle

I meant it, you are extraordinary. Listen, I was thinking - [Beckett listening in anticipation] what if the wife got onto the affair?

Beckett

[Surprised] Melissa Talbert? Our killer?

Castle

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

Beckett

Well ... Anything's possible, I didn't see it that way.

Castle

Huh, you're saying that because you've never been scorned...

Beckett

What makes you say that?

Castle

Well, come on, what man has ever turned you away?

Beckett

[Looking uncomfortable] So, any word on a certain British secret agent who shall not be named?

Castle

I got the official offer!

Beckett

[Looking disappointed by the expectation of their relationship ending] Wow, congratulations!

Castle

I haven't accepted it yet.

Beckett

But you're going to, aren't you?

Castle

Wait, you think I should?

Beckett

Yeah, I mean is there a reason why you wouldn't?

Castle

So you'd be OK if I didn't write another "Nikki Heat"?

Beckett

[Laughing] I mean, why wouldn't I? It's not like I asked you to write the first one...

Castle

You know, a lot of people would be flattered that someone chose to write a book based on them...

Beckett

Flattered? Do you have any idea how much grief I've had to put up with over this "Nikki Heat"-thing?

Castle

Gee, I'm sorry...

Beckett

Thank you, Castle, I, uhm, I never would have been able to solve this case without your help.

Beckett

Well, uh, good luck on your new book, I know that you'll do it proud.

Castle

Thanks [reaches out for Beckett] you take care of yourself [they shake hands] and...

Castle

My agent...

Beckett

It's the ... uh ... station... I, you know you better get that...

Castle

Yeah - hey Paula!

Beckett

Beckett.

Castle

Ahah, really? [to Beckett] First day, "Heat Wave" sales through the roof!

Beckett

[to Castle] I'm on hold for Captain Montgomery.

Castle

[to Beckett] Reviews are raves!

Beckett

Yes, Captain.

Castle

Would I be interested in doing three more "Nikki Heats"?

Beckett

Yes, I am aware that the mayor is facing a tough re-election this year...

Castle

I'm sorry, how much?!?

Beckett

No, I would love to help the department out in whatever way I could...

Castle

No, no, forget the other offer, for that kind of money I'll do a dozen "Nikki Heats"!

Beckett

[flabbergasted] He wants me to what?

Castle

Oh, well that was kind of a one-time only situation with her and me...

Beckett

Three books? That would take forever!

Castle

You already spoke to the mayor?

Beckett

[to Castle, whispering] I can kill you!

Castle

[looking flabbergasted]

Beckett

No, no, no, no sir, I wasn't talking to you! I, uh, no need to thank me sir, I am happy to help his honor out in any way I can... [hanging up]

Castle

Uh-huh, you know what, I think ... I'm gonna, Paula, I'm gonna ... I'll call you back... [hanging up]

Castle

[to Beckett] I had nothing to do with that phonecall!

Beckett

What? [listening to the phone] OK, I'll be right there! [starting to walk away]

Castle

[looking confused] Where are you going?

Beckett

That was Esposito, there's been a murder. [turning around] Are you coming or what?

Castle

[hastens towards Beckett]

Beckett

Do you really expect me to believe you had nothing to do with that phonecall?

Castle

I swear I had nothing to do!

Beckett

Swear a little harder Castle, I don't believe you!

Castle

I swear!

Alexis

Hey.

Hey... I was just trying on my Halloween costume.

Alexis

What exactly are you supposed to be?

Space cowboy.

Alexis

Okay. A: there are no cows in space. B: didn't you wear that, like, five years ago?

So?

Alexis

So, don't you think you should move on?

I like it.

Castle

It must have just happened, because the tide hadn't washed away the blood. We had just played hide-and-go-seek the day before.

Beckett

What happened to him?

Castle

They never found out.

Beckett

I'm so sorry, Castle. [he smirks] ... you made that up?

Castle

It's what I do!

Beckett

You know what? You are so getting it for that one!

Ryan

What? [reluctantly] I used to go out with a girl who was into the lifestyle.

Esposito

What happened? Did the relationship suck?

Castle

Oh!

Ryan

Deal-breaker, she wanted to have sex in a coffin. I'm opened-mind, but not that open-minded...