Richard Castle quotes from Castle

Castle

He covered his bases.

Beckett

I know. It’s really starting to piss me off.

Castle

Yeah. And you get cute when you get angry. (Kate looks at him.) But not when you get angry with me. (Kate smiles.)

Beckett

And like any psychopath, he’s a great actor. Oh, speaking of...

Castle

Psychopaths or actors?

Beckett

I was thinking about your mom.

Castle

Oh, so a little of both.

Beckett

I think we can make the play.

Castle

Really? You wanna venture into the dark scary woods?

Beckett

Don’t worry, Castle, I got a gun. I’ll protect you from the big bad wolf.

Castle

You’d use your gun on my mother? I’m touched. Thank you.

Castle

Speaking of fairy tales, my mother is ready to give her encore performance.

Beckett

Time to go back into the woods?

Castle

Still got your gun?

Martha

I turned down the role. Turned my back on fortune. And, it was the best career move I ever made. For an even greater role came my way. The part, perhaps the greatest role that I have ever played. That, of mother.

Beckett

(To Castle.) That’s sweet.

You’re right, that is sweet.

Alexis

Shh.

Sorry.

Martha

Now, if Richard had only been able to embrace the role of son with the same level of commitment...

And, into the woods we go.

Martha Rodgers

Guess who I ran into at the beauty parlor today?

Mother, I'm at a critical juncture and...

Martha Rodgers

Oona Marconi.

Oona Marconi, the theater critic?

Martha Rodgers

I thought I might invite her to dinner, ask her to give a little mention to my acting school, put it into one of her columns. It would be invaluable publicity

Yes, well, that would depend on the mention. You aren't forgetting her blistering review of your performance of Maggie in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, are you?

Martha Rodgers

That was 1983. I think I'm over it.

"Martha Rodgers as Maggie the Cat is more of a helpless kitten, mewing and flapping her hands when she doesn’t get her way."

Martha Rodgers

You memorized it?

I couldn't help it! You walked around the apartment quoting it for months. Mother, I'm just saying, maybe it's not a good idea to ask an important favor of someone who's been so unkind to you in the past.

Martha Rodgers

The operative word here is past. I think I can rise above. Besides, my acting school is more important to me than some old grudge.

Well, that's very mature of you, Mother.

Martha Rodgers

[walking away] Thank you.

"If Tennessee Williams knew what crimes Martha Rodgers had committed against this audience in his name, he would have her arrested for assault."

Martha Rodgers

Rising above.

Beckett

This is the weirdest spending spree I have ever seen. Odette spent tens of thousands of dollars on clothes but nothing in her size according to these receipts. Everything's in size four.

Esposito

And I went through her apartment. I didn't see a hundred grand worth of new clothes. Maybe she hid 'em.

Castle

Sounds to me like the old gas card scheme.

Beckett

What do you mean?

Castle

Your parents put you on a strict allowance, but they give you a gas card so you can fill your car. You fill your friend's cars and they give you cash. Some of my buddies in boarding school nearly doubled their allowance.

Beckett

Uh huh.

Castle

Not me, of course. That ... Don't tell my mother.

Alexis

Based on my reading of the coroner's report, I can see why Graham Morton's death was ruled natural causes. However...

Ooh! There's a "however."

Lanie

A very big however. [to Alexis] Tell them.

Alexis

There were some anomalies I found suspicious. Evidence of petechiae in both eyes. Fresh bruising on the right side of Mr. Morton's nose, which could have happened if, say, someone was holding a pillow over his face. All in all, I think there is ample evidence that Mr. Morton was murdered.

[to Lanie] Ample? [Lanie nods] Murdered. [grabs Alexis and hugs her] I am just so proud.

Alexis

Dad. Work. Boundaries.

Right.

Martha

Honey, do you ever wonder why I never visited you in the precinct the first year you were working there?

Castle

I always thought it was because of the harsh lighting.

Martha

Well, that was a consideration.

Gates

I have a special task for you. I hear that you’re quite the speed reader, and in the time that I’ve known you, you’ve shown, well, on occasion, an exceptional attention to detail.

Castle

That’s the first time you’ve ever payed me a compliment. Go on.

Gates

We’ve conducted over a hundred interviews so far. Someone needs to review them swiftly looking for information that can help us ID our suspect. And I believe you’re my best man.

Castle

(He turns to Kate.) I think she’s finally starting to like me.

Gates

No, I’m not.

Castle

(Whispers.) Wearing her down.

Beckett

Okay, so you remember what happened after the bomb went off, but not before.

It must have been one of those traumatic amnesia things.

Beckett

Bobby. Don’t lie to me.

Beckett

I'm telling you, it was all a big blank. It was the trauma.

Beckett

It was not the trauma. You don’t get to use that excuse.

I swear, I don’t remember.

Beckett

The hell you don’t remember. Do you wanna know trauma? I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it. And so do you.

Castle

All this time. You remembered?

Beckett

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Castle

Yeah, that we should throw a party and hire a bunch of models.

Beckett

No. that maybe Naomi somehow got into that party last night and that that’s where she met her killer. That’s what I was thinking.

Castle

Weird. We’re usually more in sync than that.

What’s she like? Your captain?

Castle

You ever see that Youtube video with the grizzly bear that decapitates a moose with one swipe of its paw?

Comforting.

Castle

Ryan, you’ll be here, front door, dressed as a flower delivery boy. Esposito, you’ll be here, dressed as a hobo.

Esposito

Question. Why does a brown man gotta be a hobo?

Castle

You want the flowers?

Esposito

Hobo it is.

Castle

You boys will cause a distraction here, whilst I rappel down the side of the building with Nikolai.

Ryan

Who’s Nikolai?

Castle

He’s a Romanian gymnast I found on Youtube. He’s extremely flexible, and fits in the duffel bag. Using a glass cutter, I...

Excuse me, gents. Has anyone seen Detective Beckett? (He walks in wearing a suit. Kate walks in from the other side, wearing a dress.)

Ryan

Wow. Are you guys going out?

I pulled some strings and got us into a party at the British consulate tonight.

Beckett

Nigel will be there, we’ll get his prints and he won’t even know it.

Cheers, lads.

Ryan

Or they could do that.

Castle

Yeah, sure. You want to do it the easy way.

Castle

Hey there.

Beckett

I feel like I just walked into a bad episode of Miami Vice.

Castle

Okay, first, there are no bad episodes of Miami Vice. Second, who died?

Beckett

You, from the looks of it. You look like you just got run over by a truck.

Castle

Yeah. A truck delivering a shipment of awesome.

Speaking of partners, I’ve seen pictures of yours. She’s smoking hot. You’re tapping her, right?

Castle

What? No.

Oh. What’s wrong with you?

Castle

There’s nothing wrong with me. We’re just friends.

A man needs a friend, he gets a dog. Woman like that, you storm the beaches or die trying, come on.