Richard Castle quotes from Castle

Castle

We could keep him here at the precinct. I mean, we could use a mascot.

Esposito

I thought that’s what you were.

Castle

That... what’s that? What's that buddy? Esposito’s sense of humor fell down a well and can’t get out?

Castle

You think she’s wearing a wire?

Esposito

Dude, look at that outfit. Where’s she gonna put a wire?

Castle

Well, if I had to be creative, I’d guess... (noticing Kate’s look.) That’s rhetorical.

…But it made me think, all those times when you were little, how you begged me for a dog, and I refused because-

Alexis

You said you’d be the one who’d wind up having to feed it. And it was hard enough remembering to feed me every day.

Yeah… [Blinks in confusion] I don’t remember that last part.

Alexis

It was subtext. [Castle gives her a look] Barely.

Anyway, I want to make it up to you. I want to get you a dog. Only question is, what kind of dog do we get? What are we gonna name it? Whose room is it gonna sleep in?

Alexis

Whoa, Dad, slow down. I’m leaving for college soon, remember? You can’t have a dog in your dorm room.

Right. I know, I’ll just take care of him here, you can come visit him whenever you can.

Alexis

So…this dog you want to get, you know, for me? This wouldn’t be an enticement to come home from college more often, would it?

Don’t pretend like you’re smarter than me. I taught you subtext, young lady.

Alexis

Don’t worry. I’ll come back and visit so much you’ll be sick of me.

Promise?

Alexis

Yeah. Someone has to leave food out for you once in a while.

Speaking of, I’m kind of hungry right now.

Alexis

Kibbles ‘n Bits?

Peanut butter on a spoon?

Alexis

[Laughs] Chinese.

I’d like a sandwich. Welcome home.

Alexis

Yeah.

Castle

And it happened backstage, right upstairs. They were stealing a moment together, which was dangerous, because she was Dempsey’s girl. As they stared into each other’s eyes, Kate’s heart quickened...

Beckett

Did you just say Kate? Are you picturing the PI as you and me as the gangster’s moll?

Castle

What? No. and I didn’t say Kate, I said fate. Fate’s heart quickened. I was being poetic.

Ryan

But if Sally wasn’t Vera’s sister, then who was she?

Castle

Sally set up the PI. It’s a classic film noir twist.

Ryan

But why?

Castle

[Gleefully] I don’t know.

Ryan

What was Sally up to?

Castle

I don’t know

Ryan

Do you think she was connected to Dempsey?

Castle

I don’t know. Isn’t this great?

Castle

It’s 9 o’clock. What kind of passion is she finding at this time of night?

Martha

Um... (Rick’s phone rings, it’s Kate.) Aha! There, your better half.

Castle

Don’t change the subject!

Castle

And if I did tell you, well then I’d have to kill you.

Esposito

Yeah? Good luck with that.

Castle

Yeah, realistically that’s not...

Lanie

No ID, but lots of causes of death.

Castle

You mean other than gravity.

Lanie

Oh, yeah. See that bullet wound?

Beckett

So he was shot before he fell?

Lanie

And stabbed.

Beckett

Shot and stabbed?

Lanie

And choked and has a pencil jammed in the side of his neck.

Castle

Gives new meaning to the term “overkill.”

How could they get a court order that fast?

Beckett

I don’t know. Maybe you should ask your girlfriend.

Lanie

Girlfriend?

Yes. Okay? We slept together. It was a long time ago. What’s the big deal?

Beckett

There is no ‘big deal’, sleep with whoever you want. The more the merrier!

Alexis

(Clearing her throat.) I have those, uh, toxicology reports you wanted.

Lanie

Oh, yes, just set them there, sweetie. Thank you.

(To Alexis, as they return from the precinct) So, how was your day at precinct?

Alexis

Great. And here I thought the dead bodies were going to be the grossest part.

Castle

First Alexis is interning for Lanie, now my mother is taking over my office. I feel like my whole life is being invaded.

Beckett

You’ll get used to it. I did.

Castle

It is not the same thing. It’s similar, just much less invasive.

Castle

(To Beckett) A girl wearing a red outfit in the middle of the woods, claw marks on her face. Am I the only one who is seeing this? (Beckett is puzzled) She is Little Red Riding Hood.

Beckett

(Sarcastically) Great, I'll call an APB on the Big Bad Wolf.

Castle

You have a better theory? (Ryan suddenly calls Beckett from far)

Beckett

Ryan, I want you to see if any animal here can cause these marks.

Ryan

Like a wolf? A Big Bad one?

Beckett

Really?

Castle

There’s this whole adult role playing subculture obsessed with fairy tales. (Kate looks at him.) Not that kind of adult role playing, although, there is that one too.

Beckett

And you know this how?

Castle

Did a little research. Hmm. Bo Peep. Anyway, these people get dressed in the outfits, they play the characters, they even re-enact the stories. Maybe that’s what Amy was doing when everything went horribly and tragically wrong.

Beckett

Castle, that is a surprisingly reasonable and grounded theory.

Castle

Yeah. In fact, I am a little disappointed in myself.

Esposito

We all are, bro.

Castle

(Reading from Martha’s play.) ‘Richard always had a dark imagination. He was destined either to become a serial killer or a mystery writer.’ Mother, really?

Martha

Oh, it’s just a slight exaggeration.

Castle

And according to this you’re responsible for launching my writing career by... you slept with my first publisher?

Mr Castle, I’m sure your talent would’ve gotten you there eventually.

Castle

My talent did get me there. I didn’t get published because of her.

Martha

Technically, I slept with him after your book was out. This is just to be more salacious.

Castle

Wasn’t he practically my age?

Martha

Honey, you know I’ve always loved younger men. They have so much energy, enough to keep up with me. Most of the time.

Castle

I’m gonna erase that image from my mind with a bottle of scotch. (He pours some scotch into a glass.)

Martha

Oh, darling, I invited Beckett to the reading tomorrow night, so you two might wanna make a date of it.

Beckett

What was I supposed to do? Say no?

Castle

Yes.

Beckett

Why are you so against your mom’s play?

Castle

Because she’s rewriting history. My history. Trust me, I lived through it. She’s making it sound like it’s her own personal fairy tale.

Beckett

Oh, so you don’t like it when someone writes their own version of your life. Interesting.

Castle

Okay, are you referring to the Nikki Heat books? Because this is completely different.

Beckett

How is it different?

Castle

Well, for one thing, I’m not claiming that what I write is actually true.

Beckett

Well, I don’t think she is, either. Come on, Castle, you said so yourself, everyone needs a fairy tale. What’s the harm in letting your mom have one of her own?

Castle

Okay, let’s... let’s change the subject to something less likely to give me an ulcer.