Richard Castle quotes from Castle

Castle

What's a good time?

Beckett

Well, if you don't know by now, it's probably too late to show you.

Then we can take over the world! [Laughs evilly]

Alexis

Not helpful.

But evil!

Or maybe by this weekend, I’ll figure out a way to take this tank of liquid nitrogen and build it into a weather machine. I’ll make it rain! You friends will have to cancel their trip. You won’t have to choose, and then we can take over the world! [Laughs evilly]

Alexis

Not helpful.

But evil.

Castle

High school friend, huh? I bet she knows where all your bodies are buried.

Beckett

You can dig all you want, Castle. My secrets are safe with her.

Castle

How can you be sure?

Beckett

Because whatever she knows about me, I know worse about her.

Castle

You ask me, she should have followed her heart, left David, gone with Wolf.

Beckett

You know, I can see the virtue in staying. I mean, guys like Wolf, they come in, they upset the apple cart. Of course he makes you feel alive, but eventually, you know he’s just gonna let you down. So why risk it?

Castle

Because the heart wants what the heart wants.

Castle

Wilder, Daemon Wilder?

Esposito

Yeah, you know him?

Castle

I know of him, this is a photo of one of his ad campaigns. He runs a line of boutique men's skin care products.

Ryan

You mean like bathroom stuff?

Castle

He's got a toner; totally alcohol free. Fantastic. He's got a shaving cream that is ridiculous.

Esposito

I'm good with the drug store stuff man.

Castle

No no no no, hang on. This stuff will change your life. (squirt)

Esposito

It's hot...

Castle

It's hot.

Ryan

It's hot?

Castle

It's HOT.

Ryan

It's hot! How do they do that?

Beckett

Guys. (all look)

Beckett

A man has been murdered here.

Castle

And... we are honoring his legacy.

Lanie

Hm. It's like Sex And The City, only with boys.

Here you go sir.

Beckett

I cannot believe that you asked for samples.

Castle

She said anything we needed!

Beckett

(Hmph)

Castle

Besides, it's not for me; it's for Ryan and Esposito.

Beckett

Don't you mean Charlotte and Miranda?

Castle

Wait a minute, that would make me Carrie.

Beckett

You are SO metro-sexual for even knowing that!

Castle

I only watched that show out of the corner of my eye when my mother had it on! That did not come out right...

Hey look, it's her! (pointing at a picture)

Beckett

You're sure this is the woman who rented the room?

Yes.

Beckett

Rebecka Strong. She's a lab tech at the company.

Castle

Mmm, she's got cruel eyes. I bet she enjoyed watching Wilder suffer...

(uncontrollable sobbing) Ishoodhavestaydoutovitwhatwasithinkinggggg...

Castle

What did she say?

Beckett

What was I thinking, I should have stayed out of it. It's cry talk.

Alexis

I think you've been writing too long not to know that it’s “I” before “E” except after “C.” Ever heard of spell-check?

Yes, of course. She’s got red hair, she’s wise beyond her years, and she’s about to tell her dad what she thinks of the latest chapter of his new book.

Beckett

NYPD! Hands up! [Castle puts his hands up] Not you Castle!

Castle

Right.

Beckett

Oh yeah, and your ex-wife called. She said that you’ve been avoiding her because you’re late delivering your manuscript of Naked Heat. That’s a catchy title. When were you gonna tell me?

Castle

I was waiting for the perfect time. It just never happened.

Beckett

She’s naked on the cover again, isn’t she?

Castle

Kind of, yeah.

Beckett

[sarcastically] That’s great. No one’s gonna make fun of me.

[Giving Beckett and Castle his alibi] No, I wasn’t at home, but I was in bed…With his wife.

Beckett

I’m sorry. What?

…I was in bed with Roger’s wife.

Castle

[To Lee] Let me get this straight. Your alibi for killing your friend is you were…doing his wife?

[after a moment]…Yeah.

Castle

Wow.

So, yeah. I was seeing Lee. Yeah, I was with him that night.

Beckett

Well, if things were that bad, why not just get a divorce?

Are you serious? My house is too nice.

Castle

I can see why Roger needed a little extra fantasy in his life.