Richard Castle quotes from Castle

Montgomery

You really think she (Bridget McManus) could overpower Zack (Zack Lindsey)?

Ryan

Uh, no, but her brothers could. In grand Irish tradition, she has four of them, each over 6 foot, each with his own claim to fame... Assaults...

Castle

Oh.

Ryan

Ag. Assault...

Castle

Bad.

Ryan

A.D.W.,

Castle

Ee.

Ryan

Battery...

Castle

Mm.

Ryan

Assault on a city employee, parking enforcement.

Castle

Doesn't count.

Montgomery

Easy.

Ryan

Dude.

Castle

I... just jokes.

He wants to learn more about my writing process.

Martha

And by "writing process" you mean your procrastination until the very last second...

Alexis

And then writing out of a desperate panic in a caffeine-induced haze.

Martha

That one?

No, not that one. [Alexis giggles] The one where I find authenticity by doing hands-on research with the NYPD.

Beckett

For all we know, Bridget was lying.

Ryan

[Walks in, looking vaguely disheveled] Well, she wasn't lying about her brothers. Talked to all four of them, one Irishman to another... and another. Anyway, they alibied out, they were in New Paults when Zach was killed.

All of them? [Ryan nods] For what?

Ryan

[Furtively] They were at a sporting event, of sorts. [Starts to leave]

[Stopping him] Which was...?

Ryan

Leprechaun toss. [Esposito smirks] Don't ask! Anyway, the, uh, older brother, he got first place. [Realizes his jacket sleeve is torn] Aww, man!

Castle

Well, the "merits" of Irish culture aside...

Ryan

Hey!

Castle

Sorry. Perhaps this suggests Bridget was telling the truth about our elusive Estonian.

Hey, uh, if it's not overstepping, just in the interest of keeping it real, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions for the case I'm coming up with for Seriously Dead.

[Hands him her card] Why don't you just give me a buzz when the two of you are done.

[To Castle] I mean, if it's okay with you.

[Glares at Beckett] Why wouldn't it be okay?

Okay.

Okay.

It's so not okay! After everything I've done for him, he goes and tries to steal my muse!

Alexis

Muse thievery, what's the punishment for that? Five to ten in mythology jail?

Beckett

Yeah, speaking of mentor, I heard that you guys were pretty hard on Conrad last night.

Castle

Hard on him? No, no, it was just a little friendly hazing.

Beckett

To hear him describe it, it sounds like someone was trying to teach him a lesson.

Castle

[Laughs in a forced manner] What? Why would I want to do that?

Beckett

Because you didn't want him to spend time with me?

Castle

That is completely-

Beckett

True?

Castle

[Drops his false humour] Yes. Fine, it's true. I'm jealous. There, I said it. I-I want you all to myself, and to have you spending time with another writer? That upsets me! And if that makes me petty, so be it. Guilty as charged.

Beckett

[Smiles] Actually, I kinda think it's sweet.

Castle

You do?

Beckett

I do. And that's why you don't have to worry about me hanging around with Conrad anymore. From now on I'm a "one writer" girl.

Castle

Thank you.

Beckett

Always.

Beckett

CIA's a popular theory with you.

Castle

Yes, well, law of averages demands that I'll eventually be right.

Beckett

I'd forgotten how helpful your insights can be.

Castle

You look good.

Beckett

You look good too... for murder!

Castle

Maybe you missed the part where I said she was shot dead. When I heard the noises coming from the next room, I thought whoever killed her was coming back. So I picked up the gun to defend myself. It seemed like a very good idea at the time. That’s when you, Esposito and Annie Oakley [gestures to the viewing room] come bursting through the door.

Montgomery

Annie Oakley?

Ryan

I kind of almost shot Castle. What? He had a gun.

Castle

Do you know what these bodies are? A sign.

Beckett

A sign?

Castle

A sign. A sign from the universe telling us we need to solve this case together. You don’t wanna let the universe down, do you?

Beckett

You’re not gonna go away no matter what I do, are you?

Castle

I respect the universe.

Beckett

Okay, fine. I will let you join me on this one case as long as you promise to do what I say, when I say it, and not to do any investigating on your own.

Castle

I promise. You won’t regret this.

Beckett

I already do.

Castle

Starting now.

Beckett

Why is it so important to you that I believe all this stuff about fates and psychics and Santa Claus?

Castle

Because if you don't believe in even the possibility of magic, you'll never ever find it.

Beckett

My gut says it's not him. But we still have to look into his alibi.

Castle

Oh, so you don't believe in fate, yet your gut has magical properties. That's cool. Scully.

Castle

Oh, let me guess, you don't believe in fate. Soulmates?

Beckett

No.

Castle

Unicorns, fairies, double rainbows? Didn't you ever think your dolls used to get up at night and play with your toys?

Beckett

Sorry.

Castle

Mmm… Let me guess. You were one of those annoying 6 year olds who stopped believing in Santa Claus because you figured out he couldn't travel faster than the speed of light.

Beckett

I was 3, and we didn't have a chimney.

Alexis

[Bringing Castle breakfast in bed] Breakfast time!

Oh! What did I do to deserve this? Other than, you know, being... me.

Alexis

Isn't that enough?

Okay, what do you want?

Alexis

Nothing! Why do I have to want something?

March, 1999, you wanted a Hello Kitty backpack. I got French toast with a whipped-cream smiley face. October, 2004, you wanted a set of mint condition, Empire Strikes Back lightsabers. I got an omelet shaped like Darth Vader.

Castle

You were a girl once.

Beckett

[Smirks] Still am...

Castle

[Holding up a picture of Alexis sitting on a Vespa ] Can you tell me why my daughter wants one of these so badly?

Beckett

Old bikes are what girls want when we realize we're never gonna get a pony.