My first pantsuit victory. And I have to say, at first, I was all against the whole concept, but now I get it. It's binding, so it keeps all your powers in. Plus, there's no potential "Basic Instinct" moment. So suddenly you're not thinking about how you're sitting and you'd be surprised how much brain space that frees up. Plus, the pockets. Dance clothes never have any pockets, but this suit has pockets everywhere.
Ah, girls, you know what marrying a lovely man of means means? No more performing. I can hang up the tights, hang up the headdresses. Do you know I have worked every new year's Eve since I was 17? I have never celebrated new year's. Now Rick and I can celebrate new year's.
Well, I do now. It'll be dirty crafting, but it'll be crafting. And I don't have to go to the gym six days a week. I can even gain three pounds. Think about that!
And I can get a pack of Pekingese to greet me at the door when I come home from not working or working out. And I can feed them from my giant bowl of bonbons.
Everybody, may I have your attention please? I really need a young boy. Or girl to volunteer for some heavy lifting. I include both sexes because in the past, my saying I need a young boy led to a lot of misunderstandings. So I'm including you ladies as well. You just need strong backs and toned thighs. If you fit the bill, please come see me. To be clear, I like men and women equally. Both sexes work for me.
Let me tell you a story. Last year, my family went on this private safari: my parents, Frankie. It's sunset, and we're walking down this trail, golden skies, beautiful vistas, and we see this little baby antelope on the horizon.
It was horrible. Everybody froze, and I thought "it's wrong to turn my back" and let this poor little thing just sit there and bleed out, like Judi Dench in that James Bond movie. So I grabbed a gun and shot it in the head.
A year and a half is a long time. Time that includes dances, parties. Friday night parties that he can go to and you can't because you have class in the morning. And there's girls at these parties.
That time also includes camp. Six weeks where you're apart. And he'll be a junior counselor this year. He'll wear the gray shorts. He'll be doing bed checks. He'll have privileges, power. That's a big turn-on to a lot of girls.
Plus, in a year and a half you're not the new girlfriend anymore. You're just the old girlfriend who made him wait a year and a half. You're planning on doing it with him anyhow, so what's the difference if you just move it up a bit?
