Michelle Simms quotes from Bunheads

Michelle

Hey, seriously, dude, keep 'em comin' was not a euphemism!

Michelle

There's no crying in baseball! Or ballet!

Michelle

Oh, by the way, I think I figured out why Sylvia Plath killed herself. She was trying to hang a curtain rod. She was probably trying to hang herself on the curtain rod, so it was onto Plan B.

Michelle

Henderson is Rob Schneider to Vegas' Daniel Day Lewis.

Jeez, who died?

Michelle

Your fashion sense.

Yeah, well, take that tragic face back inside. I got guests coming over and that is gonna spoil the party.

Michelle

As long as my face doesn't look like Chris Hansen, your guests will be fine.

You're not over the hill.

Michelle

If a director can just look at you and say "no" after three seconds, it's not "no" cause you're so young and hot. It's "no" cause you're starting to look like an IHOP cashier.

Fanny

What was it in my house you wanted to get rid of?

Michelle

Your house? Her house?

Our house actually.

Michelle

Our house, like our house?

Fanny

No, our house like our house.

Michelle

But- wait. You live with your mother like a serial killer?

Michelle

[after telling Talia that Hubble is dead] Talia...

Mhm.

Michelle

Say it.

Nope.

Michelle

Say it.

Nope!

Michelle

Talia.

You have the worst luck with men!

Michelle

Yep, there you go.

I've never seen anything like it!

Michelle

Let it out.

It's like you're cursed or jinxed or built your house on an ancient Indian burial ground!

Michelle

Okay, gotta go...

Fanny

[On phone] I don't understand. No, literally I don't understand. Could you put the interpreter back on? Oh, thank God, yes. As I was trying to tell the Lama while I'm very grateful he agreed to pray for Hubbell, I was actually hoping he would do it here. At the memorial on Monday. Or Tuesday. We're flexible about the day. Could you ask him again? Because I already have a monk in Ireland who said he'd pray from there. But I was really looking for someone to represent, as the kids say. What if I throw in a trip to Disneyland? Does he have a friend who's not busy chanting for the Japanese people? All right.

Fanny

[To Michelle] What is it about these monks? How hard is it to get on a plane? Well, at least he said he'd pray for him.

Michelle

That's nice.

Fanny

He can say anything he wants. He's on another continent. How do I know he's really doing it? - Well, he is a monk.

Michelle

So? So he's a monk. Their to-do list basically consists of "pray" and you know, "pray."

Fanny

I take my spirituality very seriously. If I don't see it with my own eyes, I don't believe it.

[pointing at the corgie] That a service dog?

Michelle

Like a Marine?

Like a seeing-Eye dog, that kind of thing?

Michelle

Yeah. He is my service dog. When I get really drunk and pass out in the gutter, he is my pillow.

Michelle

This your place?

20 years. Used to be a nice respectable surf bar, but with this freakin' economy, you wanna make ends meet, now you gotta serve brunch!

Michelle

Bleh! I hate brunch! Pick a meal.

Nice dog.

Michelle

Thanks.

What's his name?

Michelle

Don't know.

Is he dead?

Michelle

Don't know.

Right on.

Ginny

Everybody has your number.

Michelle

Really?!

Ginny

Yep.

Michelle

Thornton Wilder should've mentioned the creepy side of small town life.

Melanie

Who?

Michelle

No one. He was in Menudo.

Ginny

Who?

Michelle

I'm gonna go be old now.

Boo

Okay, bye!

[answers the door] Hello.

Michelle

Why? Why, why does anyone have to live so far away from civilization?

Pardon me?

Michelle

I mean, this private road of yours is really misleading. You go up a straight-away, you think you're almost at the house, you round a bend, more straight-away. So you go up that, you round a bend, more straight-away. And on and on. You get some kind of deal with straight-aways? You had a coupon or something?

May I ask who you are?

Michelle

Have I not introduced myself?!

No.

Michelle

You had no sign. You have no private-road sign, and my car died, and I got arrested, and I must sound like a loon. It's all a big misunderstanding- Do you have any water?

Sure. I'm Grant.

Michelle

Oh, have I still not introduced myself?

No.

Michelle

Oh, it's those straight-aways. They suck the politeness right out of your head, I'm Michelle.

Michelle

You have a very large door.

That's what all the ladies say.