Melanie Segal quotes from Bunheads

Everybody has your number.

Really?!

Yep.

Thornton Wilder should've mentioned the creepy side of small town life.

Melanie

Who?

No one. He was in Menudo.

Who?

I'm gonna go be old now.

Okay, bye!

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[talking about Godot] So what's your angle with this guy? What are your moves?

Melanie

We don't really have any.

Oh, so you need me to help? Cool. Okay, first thing to know about guys like that is keep your sentences short. Don't mention Tolstoy or math, it will just make you sad. Oh, and it really helps if you have a car and an income, 'cause that guy's got nothin'.

Thanks.

And he never will. No money, no car, no thoughts of money or a car. Trust me, if there's a second set of shorts at home, you've hit the jackpot.

Got it.

Good. Oh, and he won't start showering till he's thirty. Or he's been skunked. Don't know why. It's a thing. Young pretty guys like that will do anything to get out of bathing. Johnny Depp moved to France.

Could you please just go?

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[the girls are drying the wet carpet with blow-driers] How long have we been doing this?

Melanie

Three hours.

Last semester we read "No Exit." I didn't get it, but I do now.

How do we know when we're done?!

When the carpet's dry and doesn't smell like mildew.

Melanie

What does mildew smell like?

It smells like it sounds.

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Melanie

[Reading] I'm halfway through this thing and the stupid whale hasn't even shown up yet.

There's no whale in The Great Gatsby.

Melanie

Are you joking? Where's this stinker going if there's no whale?

Many is the night that F. Scott pondered that very same question.

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[no one is talking at lunch] I swear it doesn't have to be like this.

What, your sandwich?

No, this. Talk. Please talk. About whatever you want. I beg you.

Melanie

But we don't know basketball.

I don't care about basketball.

Okay, fine. Let's talk. You know, I was re-watching "The Notebook" the other day, and I came up with a whole new theory.

Anything but "The Notebook."

Melanie

Well, I watched "The Vow" the other night, and I couldn't figure out why-

All Rachel McAdams movies are off the table. [Carl walks by]

CCarl

Boo.

Carl. What's wrong?

CCarl

I thought your lunches were an all girl thing.

They were. Sasha changed it.

I didn't change it. Roman changed it.

[to Carl] Hey, I'm Roman.

CCarl

Carl [they shake hands]. I didn't know you could just change the rules.

I didn't know you could just change them either.

There were never rules.

CCarl

Well, if there are no rules, I'm sitting here. Don't mind me. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Good luck with that. [Dez sits down next to Melanie]

Melanie

What the hell?!

Whatever. Just saw these guys here so I figured "hey."

Impeccable logic.

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[Inspecting a costume] What was this for?

Melanie

Fanny choreographed a whole ballet about "Billy Elliot" a couple years ago.

Billy Elliot is already a show.

Ours wasn't about Billy. It was about Billy's coal miner father.

Melanie

We all got black lung at the end.

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So I guess Ginny and your brother's not happening, huh?

Melanie

Not for like years.

What happened?

Melanie

She's into someone else.

Why? Charlie's cool.

Melanie

It wasn't so much why, it was the why nots. And she likes this other guy.

Huh. Kinda thought for a while there'd be a double-date thing or something.

Melanie

You mean you and me?

Yeah.

Melanie

No.

Why not?

Melanie

Because.

My mom says because is a word, not a reason.

Melanie

Well, that's the reason. Because, okay? Because.

So you can't think of a reason why?

Melanie

I don't know.

If you can't think of a reason why, can you think of a reason why not?

Melanie

Not offhand.

Then why not?

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I don't need to buy condoms. I'm on the pill.

What?

Melanie

Since when?

As soon as my mother heard about Carl, she marched me down to the doctor's and put me on the pill.

You and Carl are having sex?

What? No.

Then why are you on the pill?

I just told you.

Melanie

I'm gobsmacked.

What does it taste like?

I don't know. I stick it in a Peppermint Patty.

RRajahnae

Hey, what's going on?

Boo is on the pill.

RRajahnae

You're having sex with Carl?

Why does everybody hear I'm on the pill and automatically think I'm having sex?

You are absurd, Boo. You know that? Absurd.

Why?

Because you're on the pill but not having sex. It's like having a superpower and not using it.