Bromwell High Season 1 quotes

[to the kids in the Ugly Class] Just remember, you're not here because you're ugly, you're here because you're ugly and it's Valentine's Day.

Headmaster, this hole is dangerous! Whenever Jesus sees a hole, He fills it.

Oh, like my cousin.

Oh, come on, Gavin, it's not dangerous/ There's a huge sign saying "DANGER: BIG HOLE." As long as the kids can read, we'll be fine.

Or maybe the writing is ambiguous.

Bloody typical, the only kid in the whole school and only this sentence.

Yes, but I really must protest,

You is lucky we is getting cable at these prices

Yes but...

Will you stop being so selfish?

I'm not being selfish.

Yes you are, 'MY car fell in the hole, MY husband's trapped in it.'

[from car] Uh, Carol...

Two words: red hot Dutch! O.K., it's four words but you get the point.

Latrina, your mum needs to stop having babies!

Oh Natella! Not having babies is for gays!

I'm not a monster, I'm a geography teacher.

My name is Latrina and I have a question for the fat bitch.

That's fat lady, Latrina.

Sorry, Miss Fat Lady. Why are you so fat?

Now Latrina, that is a totally inappropriate question. Anyone else? yes, Keisha?

Miss Fat Lady, have you ever crushed a man to death during sex?

Well go on, answer the question.

It's always some day or another at this school! Today's sex education day, yesterday was Monday. Let's take a day off, man!

You always want to take a day off. You're trapped in a cycle: don't want to learn because you can't read, can't read because you don't want to learn.

I can't read, Natella, because I have attention deficit disorder.

What's that?

What's what?

Mrs. Jackson, have you done something with your hair?

Err, no.

Well you should, it's a disgrace!

Now I is going to have to do his homework.

Homework, what's this homework?

Homework. We have to finish it and hand it in, then he marks it.

Marks it, I'm sorry I'm not familliar with the phrase.

You know "marks it," right or wrong.

Right or wrong, this man is teaching you that certain things in life are right or wrong? [after nods] That's so wrong!

Why is English not be easy? I is speak the bitch!

State your business, man.

I'm here to sack one of your teachers.

[excitedly] Welcome to Bromwell High!

Below Satisfactory! We is moving up in the world!

We all worship one god.

I'm a Hindu!

[mockingly laughs] Get out.

Keisha, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah! Where's our modern-day Jonathan Swift?

Closer than usual.

Remember, a vote for Iqbal is a vote for jobs. Your motha-fucking jobs!