Bromwell High Season 1 quotes

I'm a natural orator!

Ooh, me too! It's all about tucking your lips over your teeth.

Why don't we call you Bucketface?

I'd rather have a bucket face than a bucket fanny.

Martin!

What? I didn't tell anybody.

And the result is as follow. Iqbal bin Ibrahim Maurice Kandallah...

[quietly into mic] Chicken Party.

Is 4 vote. Some teachers is must not vote for Iqbal!

I did!

Natella Tendalkar Gavaskar Srivastavah...

[quietly into mic] Save Comprehensive Education and Fuck The Police Party.

Is 7 vote. [cheering] There is 817 spoiled ballot papers, of which most say "Kelly Edwards is a slag."

[looks up while making out with random guy] Huh?

So, I's hereby announce that Natella is elect school President. God help us.

And the result is as follow. Keisha-Marie Christie...

[quietly into mic] Keeping It Real.

417 vote.

Mmm

Natella Tendalkar Gavaskar Srivastavah...

[quietly into mic] Save The Police and Fuck Comprehensive Education.

One vote.

Yeah!

There is 402 spoilt ballot paper, of which most is "Kelly Edwards is give BJs."

[looks up from being bent behind chairs in front of random guy] Huh?

I is hereby announce that Keisha-Marie is elect as School Prez!

[As the Albanian Chicken Nuggets men leave] Why is Kelly Edwards in your car?

I believe you can have 11 year old tyrants.

No, you can't!

Oh really? Well, I guess you never heard of a little boy by the name of Mr. Adolf Hitler! Right little terror he was!

Hitler was 44 by the time he became Chancellor of Germany.

Oh sure, he looked older, didn't he, because he had that mustache! Like that little Asian boy in Year 7. Or Miss Gosby.

Either I is got stage fright, or I is pregnant...again!

It's called "If You Don't Come Back to Me, Martin, I'll Kill You!"

So... When did you take over the school?

Hmmm... let Iqbal think... Five years ago I's in Parkhurst for a crime I's commit...

And I was in the former Yugoslavia.

Mm hm.

On a caravan holiday.

Right.

Then I's escape- ah, don't mentions that in article- and I's meet Mr. Beeb in Angola! Where we's run successful diamond smuggle operation...

And where we dabbled in the slave trade. Emphasize "dabbled" rather than "slave trade".

"Slave trade..."

For administrative reason, we's have to flee Africa...

In a U.N. helicopter gunship.

Ho ho! Happy day! An' then I's run mini-cab company, until I's win school in game of poker.

Crikey! It's a real rags-to-riches story! Our readers are going to love it.

Sweets! Sweets!

They're dangerous.

Sweets! Sweets!

You could die!

Sweets! Sweets!

At the very least, you'll definitely wet yourself.

What class do we have next?

Across the channel lies a land, whose words we fail to understand.

Ah, French.

Double Chemistry.