[Walter talks with Saul about options to keep Jesse from killing the dealers who killed Combo]
Maybe... What if we, uh... maybe... could you get him arrested?
SaulYou want your criminal associate taken into police custody?
No, listen, I know it sounds risky, but it wouldn't be anything that would get him into real trouble, nothing that could lead back to our business. Just some minor offense.
Saul
Pinkman in jail. I dunno, I'm picturing it...
Not jail, as in jail jail. I'm talking about one of those situations when you're in an orange jumpsuit picking up litter along the highway.
Saul
That's jail.
[Mike is trying to get Jesse's location from Saul]
Now when I say I'm looking for Pinkman, we both know why, don't we? And you pretending otherwise only wastes my time and serves to annoy me.
Saul
Look, Mike, there are rules to this lawyer thing.
Saul
Yeah! Attorney-client privilege. I mean, that's a big one. That's something I provide for you. I give up Pinkman, well, then you're gonna be asking, "Ol' Saul gives 'em up pretty easy. What's to keep him from giving me up?" Y'see, so, then where's the trust?
I trust the hole in the desert I'd leave you in.
Saul
Yeah, that's... an argument.
Saul, don't make me beat you until your legs don't work. Now tell me where to find him. You know it's the right thing.
[Walter and Skyler want to buy the car wash, but Bogdan refuses to sell for a lower price because of Walt's prior behavior]
Saul
So where were we?
Saul
Yeah, um, so the guy won't sell, he won't sell.
I don't accept that. I don't accept that he won't sell. I think he just lacks the proper... motivation.
Saul
Motivation? Uh, as in motivation motivation? Just so we're on the same page here, you're saying we'll make him an offer he can't refuse?
Nothing so dramatic as that, no. Motivation. Attitude adjustment.
Saul
[laughs; to Walter] This one, she's a keeper. [to Skyler] Well, I know an audit can be highly motivating. I know a gal over at Tax & Revenue, you give her ten minutes in this Bogdan fella's books, she'll have his sky raining frogs.
No, we don't want to draw any unwanted tax attention. We don't want them looking at us after Bogdan sells.
Saul
Alright, how about an ICE raid? You know he's got illegals working over there. I mean, he just has to.
We're not getting a bunch of poor innocent people in trouble, no.
Saul
Yeah, and also you're gonna need them after you take over. Hey, how about terrorism? "Oh, Agent Hoover I gotta tell ya, I've seen some real Islamic comings and going over there at the car wash. Yeah, I mean, guys in turbans pulling up in vans and stuff like that." Heh-heh.
Saul, Bogdan is Romanian.
Saul
Okay, well, we're just spitballin' here, so...
Saul
Look, there's always, "You gotta real nice place here. It'd be a shame if something happened to it." That angle.
What are you talking about? Violence?
Saul
Attitude adjustment.
Oh, no–That, no. That is not at all what I meant. We do not do that. [to Walter] That is not who we are, right?
[brief pause] Yeah, no, no, no. She's right. Look, do I need to state the obvious? I mean, there's got to be dozens of car washes in this area. Who says it has to be this one?
Saul
Well, that clears things up.
I don't like him. Bogdan. He was condescending to me, he was rude about you, and I do not like him. Simple as that.
Saul
Hey, nobody appreciates a passionate woman more than I do, but in this business–and Walt can back me up on this–the number one rule is, "Don't take things personal."
What do you mean rude about me?
Something along the lines of you weren't man enough to face him yourself.
That you had to send your woman to do your business for you.
Saul
[to Walter] Okay, uh, speaking as your lawyer, I'm gonna go on record and say this is a bad idea. Now I advise against—
[Walter is venting to Saul about his problems with the business]
What about my brother-in-law? He suspects Jesse—Hell, he knows Jesse is involved in the sale of blue meth. That was Hank's one and only lead.
Saul
Now what if he puts and he goes after Jesse for the murder? He goes after him how? On his Rascal Scooter? [pause; clears his throats] That, perhaps, sounded insensitive. But if he goes after him, I'll sue his ass for police brutality, harassment, assault, and sixteen other things. Now, the history that those two have together being what it is, you got to figure your brother-in-law's smart enough not to go down that particular road. Goose egg, bupkis. That's what the cops got. I wouldn't worry about it.
Then what else should I not worry about, Saul, hm? Should I not worry that Gus plans to murder me at the first chance he gets? Should I not worry that my drug-addicted partner doesn't seem to care whether he lives or dies? You should see his house. It's like Skid Row! He has actual hobos living there! Now how long before Gus decides that he's too big of a risk? That guy Mike, that grunting dead-eyed cretin, sucker punching me in the face! I've got Gus wielding a box cutter! I mean... Western Union! Message received! Let me ask you, when did this stop being a business, hm? Why am I the only person capable of behaving in a professional manner?
[panicking] Saul! This man we spoke of before, this, this person that you said could, could disappear me, give me a whole new life, and make sure I'm never found?
Saul
Yeah?
I need him! I need this man now! Saul, Gus is gonna murder my whole family.
Saul
Oh, Christ...
Saul
Yeah, yeah! [hurries over to a locked safe.] You understand there's no coming back from this? You're gonna get new Socials and new identities. You can't contact your friends or relatives ever again.
Alright! Yes, I understand!
Saul
How are you gonna sell this to that wife of yours... and your teenage son?
Saul
You're wanted by some pretty scary individuals, not to mention the law. You're a high-risk client. You're gonna need the deluxe service. It's gonna cost you.
Saul
The last quote I got on the deluxe was 125 grand. But you've got four people to vanish. It's gonna be at least half a million. And he accepts cash only.
I've got the money, now come on! Please!
Saul
Here!
[Saul hands Walter a business card. Walter hurriedly grabs it and reads it.]
What?! This... this is a vacuum cleaner repair company!
Saul
What'd you expect, Hadji's Quick Vanish?!
[Jesse walks in to Saul's office]
Saul
Take a break, H.T. Let's go.
FFrancesca
You're going to stop calling me that or I'm gonna hang you by your tie.
Saul
Yeah, yeah, stop showing off for the client. Honey Tits! I say it's endearing.
Saul
Well, they're here. The end times, kid. End times.
What's that mean, and why the hell did you drag me down here for?
Saul
You want your money, don't ya? I assume that you do.
What, that couldn't wait?
Saul
Y'ever hear the expression, "a fart in the wind," kid? Well, inside of an hour, that's gonna be me, okay? I'm hitting the road, I'm gone, I am out of here.
Saul
For as long as it takes. I don't like my heat so hot, if you catch my drift.
I'm not catching, like, anything you're saying. And what the hell is your problem?
Saul
You haven't talked to your partner, have you?
No, not since last night. Today, he didn't show up to work and the DEA just happened to like, raid us. [Saul looks at him] Yeah, some coincidence, huh?
Saul
Yeah, I don't know about that. All I know is, when he tells me that your employer took him out in the desert and threaten to murder his entire family, I shut up and take notice...
Saul
...because hey, after all, what am I, if not family?
What are you–What are you talking about? When did that happen?!
Saul
I–I don't know. Forget it. I–I mean, he exaggerates, right? He does that. Hey, listen, do me a favor: W-would you put in a good word for me with Fring? I mean, j–just for old times' sake. I can't afford to butter the wrong bread here.
[Saul Goodman interrupts an interrogation between Jesse and two officers]
Saul
Oh, look at this! Isn't this cozy? [to Jesse] What did you tell them?
I told them they were a couple of dicks.
Saul
He's a wordsmith. Well, detectives, it's been a pleasure. Now, up you go. Make like you've got manners. Make like you respect the rule of law. Au revoir, auf Wiederesehen, hasta luego, get the hell out! Buh-bye! That's it, pick it up. Follow your partner. And one, two. Thank you! [to Jesse, once the officers leave the interrogation room] Christ. You two... All I can say is if I ever get anal polyps, I’ll know what to name them.
You gonna get me out of here?
Saul
No. Not even if I could. You know, the FBI's going to show up on this ricin thing, and then you're in it for the duration. You know, you're a lot safer in here. They just tried to get your partner in his own home.
Saul
Well, he's okay like a fruit fly's okay. We're all on the clock here, and thanks for that, by the way. You two want to go stick your wangs in a hornet's nest, it's a free country. But how come I always gotta get sloppy seconds, huh?
Saul
Alright, so first off, I'm not a marriage counselor. Nor do I take sides in this thing. And not taking sides, mind you, but you did put her in charge of your money. Which I advised against, if you'll recall. All of which is not to be construed as an "I told you so." I'm just walking you through my mental process, so to speak. [pause; Walter sits silently] So she comes to me with a problem, that she's been cooking Beneke's books. He's in dutch with the IRS, and once they audit, it's rio de caca for the both of them. To which I say, "Hey, let's involve Walt in this discussion." To which she says no, says cut Beneke a check so he can pay off the IRS. Again, not taking sides, but she really was trying to protect you. [beat] A little feedback here might be nice.
"Let's involve Walt in this discussion."
Saul
Yeah, that's what I told her. She said no.
And you didn't argue the point? You didn't think to contact me?
Saul
[scoffs] You were a tad preoccupied at the time, if you will recall.
Okay. So you took it upon yourself to give away $622,000 of my money to a man who had been sleeping with my wife.
Saul
She's my client, same as you. Does this arrangement get a little tricky at times? Absolutely. But I try my best, you know–ethically, mind you–my duty is your—
"Ethically?" I'm sorry, I must be hearing things. Did you actually just use the word "ethically" in a sentence? You're not Clarence Darrow, Saul. You're a two-bit, bus-bench lawyer. And you work for me.
Saul
Yeah, well Clarence Darrow never had a client like you ask him for something... [retrieves the ricin cigarette, in a plastic bag, from his desk] ...like this, okay? I put my ass on the line for you. Huell too, huh? He's got fingers like hot dogs. He coulda easily bust this in two and killed everyone in the office. But do I complain? No. Beg, borrow, or steal, I am your Huckleberry. I go the extra mile. Only you never told me that kid would wind up in the hospital! You know, take that thing and get the hell out of here. You and me, we're done.
[Walter rises from his seat and menacingly advances on Saul]
Saul
What are you–Hey. Hey...
[Walter corners Saul and leans into his face]
We're done when I say we're done.
[Walter, Jesse, and Saul argue in Saul's law office.]
Saul
So you bring him here? Come on! The three of us? We're the Three Amigos! All for one, one for all! We don't need a Fourth Amigo!
Saul, Mike knows the business. He knows distributors.
Saul
He's okay? He said he was going to break my legs. And don't tell me he didn't mean it, okay? 'Cause he gave me the dead mackerel eyes. He meant it.
Saul, Mike threatened me. He threatened Jesse. He probably threatened someone before breakfast this morning. It's what he does. C'mon. Grow a pair.
Saul
Ira and his guys are good. I mean, they know how to keep their mouth shut. And if you buy them, they're gonna stay bought, you can check into them yourself, if you like.
I will, if it comes to that. So... do we take a vote?
[Saul represents Mike at a DEA meeting]
To what do we owe the pleasure?
Saul
Well, gentlemen, we're here to discuss the illegal harassment of my client.
[chuckles] This should be good.
Saul
Mr. Ehrmantraut has become the subject of a vicious, relentless and unwarranted DEA persecution.
Gomey, does uh... does that sound right to you?
I have no idea what he's talking about.
Saul
Play it as cool as you like, Fonzie, but we all know you've been following my client day and night. The poor man can't even spend a few moments with his granddaughter without you guys quivering in the bushes, and peeping through your little binoculars. It's–Well, it's disturbing! [chuckles] And it's taken a toll on his mental and physical well-being.
[looks Mike over] Your client looks fine to me.
Saul
Well, some hurts only show on the inside. Now, you guys don't even have warrants for these tails, do you?
Theoretically, these "tails" you refer to would be completely within the boundaries of the law.
You don't need a warrant to follow somebody through a public place, theoretically.
Saul
Now, that is, uh... theoretically correct. However, I would counter that an open-ended, unrestricted surveillance like this amounts to, uh... stalking. [Hank laughs] Which is illegal. Now, I don't know what it is you find so interesting about my client, and I'm not here to judge–different strokes and all–but sadly, he's just not that into you. So, I have filed a temporary restraining order against the DEA, on behalf of Mr. Ehrmantraut.
...Where'd you get your law degree, Goodman? The same clown college you got that suit?
Saul
You know who likes this suit? Judge Papadoumian; she thinks I'm a snappy dresser. You know what Judge Papadoumian hates? Police harassment of a senior citizen. [Mike leers at him] Sorry. Expect a visit from the sheriff, Agents. You should have your ex parte within the hour.
Saul
So, uh, how is the maestro? Things have been quiet on this end.
Saul
Just as well. Probably. That whole thing in the jails, y'know... When they start to whack the lawyers, that's when I draw the line.
[pointing to bags of money] This... goes to Kaylee Ehrmantraut and that goes to Mr. and Mrs. Albert Sharp. 315 East Pueblo. It's up in White Horse. It's two and a half million each, total of five.
Saul
...Uh, Mr. and Mrs. ah, who?
Saul
Drew Sharp. That's the kid on TV, the missing...? Why would you–Scratch that. Heh, I don't know and I don't wanna know. Uh, the thing is, what those folks want is to know what happened to their boy. A sack full of cash on their doorstep, that's just gonna raise more questions. Kaylee Ehrmantraut, that's Mike's granddaughter? So this is Mike's money?
Saul
It's your money? Okay, and you're giving it to Kaylee Ehrmantraut?
Saul
So you and Mike, uh... you've been in touch? [Jesse shakes his head] So we're just talking about charity? Yeah? Okay, look, you know, um, shelling out money to the ex and her little boy, I kind of get it–I mean, kind of–but this, this is a bridge too far. I'm sorry to say, kid, but you're still gonna be two miracles short of sainthood. Heh.
[Jesse looks despondent]
Saul
Brass tacks, okay? My job is to advise and my advice is: Come on, already. Mike left one step ahead of the boys in blue. You better believe his family's on the radar. A couple million bucks shows up, they're gonna snatch it tout suite! The feds have already taken Kaylee's money twice! What, are you going for a hat trick?!
I'll freaking do it myself, Saul.
Saul
No, no, no, no! I was just–I was thinking out loud!
Enough bullshit, Saul! Are you going to do this or not?
Saul
Yes, yes, absolutely! I live to serve!
[Jesse starts leaving Saul's office]
Saul
Hey, kid, you might wanna think about cleaning up a little, getting some rest. You've looked better.
[Walter is at Saul Goodman's office when his cell phone rings]
Saul
Don't.
Saul
You don't have to do–You answer that phone and Schrader's on the other end of the line with a legal wire tap recording everything you say, you're not doing anybody any favors, except for him. In fact, why do you still have a battery in that thing? Take it out. They might be trying to triangulate your movements. I'm not being paranoid. Do it.
[takes battery out of phone] Can't believe she went to him.
Saul
She just panicked.
She went right to him without even talking to me. Without a moment's hesitation.
Saul
I'm not saying it's not bad. It's bad. But it could be worse.
Really, how much worse could it be? Exactly, in your estimation?
Saul
What does she actually know? What has she seen, hmm? Nothing. It's hearsay. It's all he said, she said. I mean, the only real evidence that she can lead them to is the money, and once we take care of that, well... then they got nothing.
Nothing? Hank knows, that's not nothing.
Saul
Yeah. I can't exactly see him turning the other cheek. [pause] Of course, there's always, um...
Saul
Have you given any thought to, um, sending him to a trip to Belize?
Saul
Yeah, Belize. You know, where, um, where Mike went to. Off on a trip to, uh, Belize.
Saul, you better not be saying what I think you're saying.
Saul
It's just conjecture on my part.
Saul
Okay, it's an option that my—
Saul
It's an option that has worked very well for you in the recent past.
Jesus, what is wrong with you?!
Saul
My mistake! Family. Off limits. Of course. I'm just throwing thoughts out there. This is a safe room, right?
Jesus, "send him to Belize." I'll send you to Belize.
Mr. Pinkman. How are you today? Not so good, huh? 'Course, uh, I might be able to help you out. I wanna talk to you about your partner, Heisenberg. See, I know he's my brother-in-law, Walt.
[Jesse looks at Hank, slightly surprised]
Oh, yeah. That's the look. Lucky for you, I'm more interested in him. So I got an offer. If you help me out here, tell me all about you and him and your little meth business, maybe I talk to my friends at the APD and make all this go away. I know he's the mastermind here. Plus... I'm thinking based on your recent activities that, uh... maybe there's a little trouble in paradise? Maybe you guys aren't, uh, getting along so good? I'm right, aren't I?
Sure that's how you want to play this?
Why don't you try and beat it out of me? That's your thing, right?
He really did a number on you, didn't he? I don't know, but... happy people usually don't go around... throwing millions of dollars away. I don't think, uh, Walt's gonna be patting you on the back for that. But maybe that's the point. 'Cause, you see, I get that. My own brother-in-law, lying to me for over a year, using me. Maybe you understand that feeling. Help me out here, Jesse... and we can put him away. I know you want that. I think you wanna talk.
[Saul enters the interrogation room, followed by two detectives.]
Saul
Agent Schrader, beat any good suspects lately? [to the two detectives] Hey, tall and taller, ask him his history with my client. He knocked the poor kid unconscious last time they were alone together. So what'll it be, gentlemen, a civil rights lawsuit the size of Montana? 'Cause I'll oblige you. [Hank starts to leave] Oh, so long, Rocky. Keep your left up. Detectives, I'm inviting you to leave.
Breaking Bad · 300 quotes
