Jesse Pinkman quotes from Breaking Bad

Jesse

You have a good rest of your life, kid.

Jesse

Hey, tell your douchebag brother-in-law to head towards the light.

Jesse

[vaguely describing his work in Gus' secret meth lab to his rehab group] Been working a lot... It's in a laundromat, it's totally corporate... It's like rigid, all kinds of red tape, my boss is a dick, the owner, super dick. Don't know if we're ever going to meet him, everybody's scared of the dude. Place is full of dead-eyed douchebags, the hours suck, and nobody knows what's going on.

Jesse

Did you know that there's an acceptable level of rat turds that can go into candy bars? It's the government, jack. Even government doesn't care that much about quality. You know what is okay to put in hot dogs? Huh? Pig lips and assholes. But I say, "Hey, have at it bitches," 'cause I love hot dogs.

Jesse

For what it's worth, getting the shit kicked out of you? Not to say you get used to it, but you do kinda get used to it.

Jesse

You two guys are just guys, okay. Mr. White, he’s the devil.

Jesse

Why are you here?

Walter

I was curious. Honestly, I never expected you to amount to much, but methamphetamine? I didn't picture that. There's a lot of money in it, huh?

Jesse

I don't know what you're talking about.

Walter

No?

Jesse

Not a clue.

Walter

"Cap'n Cook?" That's not you? Like I said, no one is looking for you.

Jesse

Look, I don't know what you think you're doing here, Mr. White. I mean, if you're planning on giving me some bull-winder about getting right with Jesus by turning myself in...

Walter

Not really.

Jesse

High school was a long time ago, okay? You ain't Welcome Back, Kotter, so step off. No speeches.

Walter

Short speech. You lost your partner today. What's his name–Emilio? Emilio is going to prison. The DEA took all your money, your lab. You got nothing. Square one. But you know the business. And I know the chemistry. I'm thinking... maybe you and I could partner up.

Jesse

You, uh... you want to cook crystal meth? You. You and, uh... and me?

Walter

That's right. Either that... or I turn you in.

Walter

Did you learn nothing from my chemistry class?

Jesse

No. You flunked me, remember?

Walter

No wonder.

Jesse

Prick! And let me tell you something else, this ain't chemistry. This is art. Cooking is art. And the shit I cook is the bomb, so don't be telling me.

Walter

The shit you cook is shit. I saw your set-up. Ridiculous. You and I will not make garbage. We will produce a chemically pure and stable product that performs as advertised. No adulterants. No baby formula. No chili powder.

Jesse

No, no, chili P is my signature, man!

Walter

Not anymore.

Jesse

Dude, this isn't even seven grand, alright? My guy wants eighty-five.

Walter

This is all the money I have in the world. You're a drug dealer. Negotiate.

Jesse

[scoffs] Y-You are not how I remember you from class. I mean, like, not at all.

Walter

Yeah, well, I gotta go.

Jesse

Wait, wait, hold up! [leans out the car window] Tell me why you're doing this. Seriously.

Walter

Why do you do it?

Jesse

Money! Mainly.

Walter

There you go.

Jesse

Nah, come on... Man, some straight like you, giant stick up his ass, all of a sudden at age what, 60, he's just gonna break bad?

Walter

I'm 50.

Jesse

It's weird, is all, okay? It doesn't compute. Listen, if you've gone crazy or something; I mean, if y–if you've gone crazy or depressed, I'm just saying... th–that's something I need to know about, okay? I mean, that affects me.

Walter

I am awake.

Jesse

[scoffs] What?

Walter

Buy the RV. We start tomorrow.

Jesse

Wow, this is a really great look for you. I mean, you're maybe only the world's second-biggest homo.

Walter

Shut up and help me.

Jesse

[zooming in on Walt's underwear] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Work it, baby, work it.

Walter

[notices Jesse recording him and tries to grab the camcorder] Turn that off!

Jesse

This is glass-grade. You got... Jesus, you got crystals in here two inches, three inches long. This is pure glass! You're a goddamn artist! This-this is art, Mr. White!

Walter

Actually, it's just basic chemistry. But thank you, Jesse, I'm glad it's acceptable.

Jesse

"Acceptable"? You're the goddamn Iron Chef! Every chiphead from here to Timbaktu's going to want a taste!

Walter

After we finish cleaning up this mess, we will go our separate ways. Our paths will never cross and we will tell this to no one. Understood?

Jesse

Oh what, I can talk now? [pause] Fine! That goes double for me!

Jesse

Oh, shit.

Skyler

Excuse me? 'Scuse me? Excuse me, you. [Jesse nervously looks up and around] Yes, you. May I talk to you?

Jesse

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, this is private property!

Skyler

Just a minute. I–I want to talk to you.

Jesse

Nope. Nope, not interested. Come on!

Skyler

Hey, don't touch me! Do not... touch me!

Jesse

Alright! Alright, look! Not touching, 'kay? Not touching here! Look, lady. Whatever you're selling, I ain't buyin', yo.

Skyler

Well, my name is Skyler White, yo. My husband is Walter White, yo. Uh-huh. He told me everything.

Jesse

Seriously?

Skyler

That's right. And just so you know, my brother-in-law is a DEA agent. And I will not hesitate to call him. Not if I have to. Understood? [brief pause; Jesse is silent] This is your one and only warning. Do not... sell marijuana to my husband.

Jesse

[pause] Okay?

Skyler

I mean it. Don't call our house again. You stay away from him, or you will be one sorry individual. You get me?

Jesse

Uh, I... think so. Yeah. Uh, no more marijuana. I can–I can dig it.

Skyler

[softly, while nodding] You can dig it. Wonderful.

Skyler

Not that it's any of my business, but... you might want to consider a different line of work.

Jesse

You got a brother in the goddamn DEA?!

Walter

What?

Jesse

You said you were just doing some ride-along! Yes or no, do you have a brother in the DEA?

Walter

Brother-in-law.

Jesse

[sarcastically] Oh, now there's a load off my mind.

Walter

Where did you hear that?

Jesse

Your freakin' wife told me when she was here all up on my shit! Yeah, that's right. She almost caught me moving Emilio! Good job wearing the pants in the family! And why did you go telling her I was selling you weed?

Because somehow it seemed preferable to admitting that I cook crystal meth and killed a man.

Walter

We've got work to do.

Jesse

No, no! You! You've got work to do! I did my part!

Walter

You mean that obscenity that I spent the last two hours cleaning up?! That is your contribution?!

Jesse

Yo, kiss my pink ass, man! I didn't ask for any of this! How am I supposed to live here now, huh?! My whole house smells like toe cheese and dry cleaning!

Walter

Because you didn't follow my instructions!

Jesse

Oh well, heil Hitler, bitch! And let me tell you something else. We flipped a coin, okay? You and me. You and me! Coin flip is sacred! Your job is waiting for you in that basement, as per the coin! Fucking do it already!