Jesse Pinkman quotes from Breaking Bad

Jesse

So, what if this is like math or algebra? And you add a plus douchebag to a minus douchebag, and you get, like, zero douchebags?

Walter

I've got some math for you: Hank catching Gus equals Hank catching us!

Jesse

What am I doing here?

Gus

I know you have concerns. What happened yesterday to my man at the farm, it was a terrible thing.

Jesse

Oh, the dude getting his head blown off? Yeah.

Gus

I have invited you into my home, prepared food, so we could sit and talk. Discuss what's going on in this business. Our business. Like men. And I will explain everything that's happening. I will answer your questions. But first, I need you to answer one question for me: Can you cook Walter's formula?

Jesse

What?

Gus

Walter's formula. Can you produce this product without any help alone?

Jesse

No. Why? You asking me if I can cook Mr. White's crystal without him? Me? The junkie loser you were about to waste and dump in the desert a month ago? This your plan, huh? Invite me to your house and make whatever the fuck this is? Be my buddy and make me feel important? Then get me to keep cooking for you after you kill Mr. White? You wanna talk like men? Let's talk like men: You kill Mr. White, you're gonna have to kill me, too!

Gus

That is not what I asked you. You are here because circumstances with the cartel are untenable and I need your help. I need you to help prevent an all-out war. Now, if you would answer the question. Can you cook Walter's formula?

[in Spanish] This is ridiculous. I'm not letting some infant who can't even synthesize phenylacetic acid teach me my business.

Jesse

[to Gus] Tell this asshole if he wants to learn how to make my product he's got to do it my way. The right way.

[walks up to Jesse] I speak English.

Jesse

So you understand what "asshole" means. Now go get me my phenylacetic acid, asshole.

Who do you think you are?

Jesse

[gets in Benicio's face] I’m the guy your boss brought here to show you how it’s done. And if this is how you run your lab, no wonder. You are lucky he hasn’t fired your ass. Now, if you don’t want that to happen, I suggest you stop whining like a little bitch and do what I say.

[in Spanish] Clean up.

Jesse

What is this shit? I don't get a vote? I'm supposed to just stay down here forever?

Mike

I promise you this: Either we're all going home or none of us are. Now settle down.

Gus

You did well down here. And you also proved a point. I think you can run the lab by yourself now, don't you?

Jesse

Let Mr. White go. Pay him off or fire him. Don't kill him.

Gus

You know that won't work.

Jesse

Then you got a problem.

Gus

Do you know what is happening upstairs?

Jesse

I have a pretty good idea.

Gus

This is all a result of your former partner. Do you understand now? Do you see why this can't continue?

Jesse

You know, I get it, the guy is a complete and total dick, but I can't. I'm not signing off, okay? Like I said, if something... final... happens to Mr. White, we're going to have a problem. So what're you gonna do?

Gus

There will be an appropriate response.

Saul

Take a break, H.T. Let's go.

You're going to stop calling me that or I'm gonna hang you by your tie.

Saul

Yeah, yeah, stop showing off for the client. Honey Tits! I say it's endearing.

Jesse

So, what's so important?

Saul

Well, they're here. The end times, kid. End times.

Jesse

What's that mean, and why the hell did you drag me down here for?

Saul

You want your money, don't ya? I assume that you do.

Jesse

What, that couldn't wait?

Saul

Y'ever hear the expression, "a fart in the wind," kid? Well, inside of an hour, that's gonna be me, okay? I'm hitting the road, I'm gone, I am out of here.

Jesse

What? For, like, good?

Saul

For as long as it takes. I don't like my heat so hot, if you catch my drift.

Jesse

I'm not catching, like, anything you're saying. And what the hell is your problem?

Saul

You haven't talked to your partner, have you?

Jesse

No, not since last night. Today, he didn't show up to work and the DEA just happened to like, raid us. [Saul looks at him] Yeah, some coincidence, huh?

Saul

Yeah, I don't know about that. All I know is, when he tells me that your employer took him out in the desert and threaten to murder his entire family, I shut up and take notice...

Jesse

Wait, what?

Saul

...because hey, after all, what am I, if not family?

Jesse

What are you–What are you talking about? When did that happen?!

Saul

I–I don't know. Forget it. I–I mean, he exaggerates, right? He does that. Hey, listen, do me a favor: W-would you put in a good word for me with Fring? I mean, j–just for old times' sake. I can't afford to butter the wrong bread here.

Walter

Jesse, why? Why in God's name would I poison a child?

Jesse

To get back at me! Because I'm helping Gus and this is your way of ripping my heart out before you're dead and gone! Just admit it! Admit what you did! ADMIT IT!

Walter

I DID NOT DO THIS!

Jesse

SHUT UP! [pushes Walter down] STOP LYING!

Walter

I'm not, I'm not lying, Jesse, listen to me, listen to me, what would I have to gain, what possible... possible... Who... Who would... Oh, my God... [starts laughing]

Jesse

Hey. Stop laughing. STOP LAUGHING!

Walter

I have been waiting... I've been waiting all day, waiting for Gus to send one of his men to kill me, and it's you. Who do you know who's okay with using children, Jesse, who do you know? Who's allowed children to be murdered, hm? Gus! He has been ten steps ahead of me at every turn and now the one thing that he needed to finally get rid of me is your consent, and boy he's got that now, he's got it. And not only does he have that, but he manipulated you into pulling the trigger for him.

Jesse

But only you and I knew about the ricin!

Walter

No! You don't even believe that. Gus has cameras everywhere, please. Listen to yourself. No, he's known everything all along. Where were you today? In the lab? And you don't think it's possible that Tyrus lifted the cigarette out of your locker? C'mon! Don't you see? You are the last piece of the puzzle. You are everything that he's wanted. You're his cook now. You're the cook and you have proven you can run a lab without me, and now that cook has reason to kill me. Think about it! It's brilliant! So go ahead, if you think that I am capable of doing this, then go... [grabs Jesse's wrist and puts the gun on his own forehead] ...put a bullet in my head and kill me right now.

Jesse

I'll do it.

Walter

DO IT! Do it.

Jesse

I'll do it!

Walter

Do it. Do it.

Walter

Where are you going?

Jesse

I'm gonna find the son of a bitch and I'm gonna kill him.

Walter

No, don't, he'll see you coming. You'll die before you get anywhere near him.

Jesse

I don't care.

Walter

Jesse, Jesse, just get in your car, just go, just drive.

Jesse

No. I'm going to do this one way or another, Mr. White.

Walter

Then let me help.

Saul

Oh, look at this! Isn't this cozy? [to Jesse] What did you tell them?

Jesse

I told them they were a couple of dicks.

Saul

He's a wordsmith. Well, detectives, it's been a pleasure. Now, up you go. Make like you've got manners. Make like you respect the rule of law. Au revoir, auf Wiederesehen, hasta luego, get the hell out! Buh-bye! That's it, pick it up. Follow your partner. And one, two. Thank you! [to Jesse, once the officers leave the interrogation room] Christ. You two... All I can say is if I ever get anal polyps, I’ll know what to name them.

Jesse

You gonna get me out of here?

Saul

No. Not even if I could. You know, the FBI's going to show up on this ricin thing, and then you're in it for the duration. You know, you're a lot safer in here. They just tried to get your partner in his own home.

Jesse

Jesus. Is he okay?

Saul

Well, he's okay like a fruit fly's okay. We're all on the clock here, and thanks for that, by the way. You two want to go stick your wangs in a hornet's nest, it's a free country. But how come I always gotta get sloppy seconds, huh?

Mike

Oh, yeah. We're boned. Well... You know how they say, "It's been a pleasure"? It hasn't.

Jesse

Are you gonna tell us about the laptop? Where are you goin'?

Mike

I'm getting the hell outta dodge, kid. And so should you. It's just a matter of time.

Walter

Mike, where is the laptop?

Mike

What the hell difference does it make? They got it, end of story.

Mike

[scoffs] APD Northwest Area Command on Second. They tagged it, they filed it. It's in the system, and they locked it in their evidence room.

Walter

Alright. Alright, so describe the building.

Mike

[chuckles] Describe it? How about how you describe Fort Knox? And what are you going to do? Are you going to put on your black leotard and go dangling on the clothesline? It's a building full of cops, what else do you need to know? And why in the hell am I talking to you? [turns to leave]

Jesse

Mike, we gotta do something.

Mike

I am doing something!

Jesse

He's good with this stuff, okay? Just give him a chance.

Mike

Hey look, that laptop might as well be on the Moon. They build these evidence rooms like bank vaults, because guess what? Lunatics like you want to break into 'em. But unlike a bank vault, this is a place that is guarded twenty-four hours a day by the police. There's no way you're getting it out of there.

Walter

Who said that we have to get it out of there? We just need to destroy what's on it.

Mike

Oh, so now you want to blow up a police station?

Walter

I don't believe I said that, no.

Mike

Nursing home full of old folks just whet your appetite, now you want to kill a bunch of cops?

Walter

I never said anything about killing anybody. I am, however, considering the possibility of a device.

Mike

A device?

Walter

Yes, a small device. Say this device gets filed into evidence, now it is inside that room.

Jesse

What about a magnet?

Mike

You want to commit a whole other crime just to get this bomb of yours into evidence?

Walter

Bo–Who said bomb? I said a device...

Jesse

Yo, what about like a magnet?

Walter

...an incendiary device. One quick fire is all it would take.

Mike

You don't think they have fire suppression? I'm not talking about sprinklers, I'm talking about halon, because halon doesn't destroy evidence.

Jesse

A magnet though, maybe–

Walter

Right, so a bomb then. Maybe we plant a bomb outside.

Mike

Oh, actually I knew a crew out of Fort Worth that tried to blow up an evidence room from outside. 'Bout all they did was take out a couple of hedges. You are probably talking about two feet of reinforced concrete.

Walter

Right, then we—

Jesse

Or, what about a magnet?

Walter

What magnet? What about it?

Jesse

You know, it's just like... [imitates the laptop impacting on a wall]

Jesse

Yeah! Bitch!

Mike

Shut up!

Jesse

Oh! Yeah!

Mike

What exactly are you celebrating? You left the truck behind!

Walter

So what?

Mike

"So what?" So what if they find prints? What if they trace it back to the wrecking yard?

Walter

They won't. There's no prints. I made sure of that. There's no paperwork on the truck, the magnet, or the batteries. Untraceable salvage, all of it. I made sure of that, too.

Mike

Well, you got all the answers. So you tell me, answer man: Did all that even work just now?

Walter

Yes. It worked.

Mike

I'm supposed to take that on faith, yeah? Why? How do we know?

Walter

Because I say so.

Saul

So you bring him here? Come on! The three of us? We're the Three Amigos! All for one, one for all! We don't need a Fourth Amigo!

Walter

Saul, Mike knows the business. He knows distributors.

Jesse

Mike's okay.

Saul

He's okay? He said he was going to break my legs. And don't tell me he didn't mean it, okay? 'Cause he gave me the dead mackerel eyes. He meant it.

Walter

Saul, Mike threatened me. He threatened Jesse. He probably threatened someone before breakfast this morning. It's what he does. C'mon. Grow a pair.

Mike

Alright, Lydia. My friends here don't know you like I do, so they are very kindly giving you one last chance. [pulls out a notepad] There's your script. Study it. In about 30 seconds, I'm gonna dial Agent Schrader on your line here. You're gonna pass along this information, then we'll see what we see. Now here are the rules: If you yell for help, try to give the man some kind of coded message or otherwise tip him off, I am gonna pull out my pistol and shoot you in the head. Same goes for panicking, breaking down into tears–remember how you like to do that–if it happens this time, I am going to pull my pistol out and I am going to shoot you in the head. [sees Lydia look at Walter and Jesse] Look at me, not at them. Lydia, look at me. [Lydia turns to Mike] If you make Schrader suspicious–in any way, any way at all–tell me what's gonna happen next.

Lydia

You'll pull out your gun and shoot me.

Mike

And where will I shoot you?

Lydia

In the head.

Mike

In the head, that's right. It's a pistol, not a gun. I'm expecting precision here. [turns to Jesse] We up and running?

Jesse

[nervously] Yeah, um... computer's set.

Mike

Okay, Lydia, if you ever needed to give the performance of a lifetime, it's now. [sets the cell phone down] You're up.

Todd

You mind if I ask you a question?

Walter

No, go ahead.

Todd

Well, I get why we want the tank for the methylamine, but why this other one for the water?

Walter

Well, Jesse, it's your idea, you want to fill him in?

Jesse

It's all about the weight, yo.

Jesse

Boosting methylamine from a train is, like, a major rap. The point is, no one other than us can ever know that this robbery went down. Nobody. You got it?

Todd

Yeah. Absolutely.

Walter

Are you sure?

Todd

Yes, sir.