[Walter picks up the phone]
WalterWhite residence.
Yo, it's me. Is this a good time?
Walter
...What part of "no contact" didn't you understand?!
I know, but there's a problem.
Walter
I don't care. We agreed [Skyler walks by] ...no amount of pay-per-view channels is going to make a difference! Honey, we're happy with our cable provider, right? Yep, we're happy! [Walter quickly hangs up]
...
Walter
What?!
Yo, I get that I shouldn't call, but I'm in a situation over here and I need my money.
Walter
I just gave you $600!
Yeah, and thanks, Daddy Warbucks, but that was before my housing situation went completely testicular on me, okay?!
Walter
You smoked the entire 600, didn't you?
Walter
Yes!
Walter
Look, Jesse. Your problems are just that: Your problems. No contact! Do not call here ever! When the moment is right, I will call—
Mr. White, you're not listening—
Walter
No, no, no! [hangs up]
They're kicking me out of my house!
Okay, don't talk, Walt! Shut up and say something that isn't complete bullshit! You want to know what you have to do? You have to tell me what's really going on right now – today. No more excuses, no more apologies, no more of these... these obvious desperate breakfasts! You don't wanna lose contact with me, Walt? Good. Then tell me. Now.
Walter
[long pause] Tell you what?
[Walter sees Jesse's RV parked in front of his house]
Walter
What the f...?
[Walter knocks on the door and Jesse lets him in]
Yo, I'm really sorry, okay?
Walter
What is wrong with you? Why are you blue? Aw, Jesus...
Long story. Let's just say it starts with my parents being greedy kleptomaniac douchebags.
Walter
Are you actually this stupid...
No, look, I know this isn't an optimal situation.
Walter
...to come to my house, and park on my street, driving this vehicle?! I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?! I'm really asking!
Nothing. I'm sorry, I just—
Walter
What if Skyler had seen you, huh? What then? What was the plan then, genius? Hm?
Walter
You don't know. You know why you don't know? Because you don't think! That's why! You don't think! You never figured out how to think, did you, big man?!
Hey, I said I was sorry, alright? I just need my half of the money and I'll go!
Walter
Your half? There is no your half of the money! There is only my all of it, do you understand?! Why–Why should I be penalized because of your sloppiness?! [pushes Jesse]
Look, that is completely uncool, alright? We agreed 50/50, partners!
Walter
Partners in what? What exactly do you do here, I've been meaning to ask. Because I'm the producer, right? I cook. But from what I can tell, you are just a drug addict! You are a pathetic junkie too stupid to understand and follow simple rudimentary instructions! Too stupid to—
[Jesse grabs Walter by the head and shoves him into the wall. The two struggle. Jesse pushes Walter to the ground and starts to strangle him. He lifts his fist up to punch Walter.]
Walter
...Do it.
[Jesse lowers his fist and collapses next to Walter, both exhausted]
I got profile now, yo. Don't you get that? DEA's up my ass. [takes a sip of his beer] No, I'm not exposing myself to that level of risk for chump change. No way.
Walter
[in a calm tone] Then what do you suggest we do? I don't think either of us are eager to jump into bed with another Tuco.
Tuco? No, man... No more Tuco. I got bills, man.
Walter
[squints eyes at Jesse] You've got bills?
Rent, yo. Responsibilities and whatnot. I've already lost more than I've made and I am tired of dicking around out here. [takes another sip of his beer]
Walter
You wanna know how much I've got left? After completing my first round of treatment and financing the world's most expensive alibi? Zero. Zip. Nothing.
We got to be Tuco. Alright, cut out the middle man, run our own game.
Walter
So you're going to what? Snort meth off a bowie knife? You're gonna beat your homies to death when they "diss" you?
Look, I know some guys, alright? I can create a network. Look, we control production and distribution. That way we stay off the front lines while moving some serious glass. I mean, the point here is to make money, right? Sky high stacks!
Walter
No.
No? That's not the point?
Walter
No, I am not willing to do that!
Who said anything about you?
Walter
I don't vote for this plan. I'm not comfortable bringing in unknown entities into our operation.
Yeah? Well, you don't get to vote.
Walter
I beg your pardon? This is a partnership, remember?
I remember, oh, I remember. That you cook, I sell. That was the division of labor when we started all this. And that's exactly how we should have kept it! 'Cause I sure as hell didn't find myself locked in a trunk or on my knees with a GUN to my head before your greedy old ass came along, alright?
Walter
Alright, I will admit to a bit of a learning curve.
Walter
And perhaps I was overly ambitious. In any case, it's not gonna happen that way anymore.
Yeah, damn straight. Know why? 'Cause we do things my way this time or I walk! You need me more than I need you... Walt.
[Jesse and Walter meet after Skinny Pete gets robbed]
[hands Walter a paper bag] Your half. 15K, that's what I'm talking about. [Walter scowls at Jesse] Uh, you're welcome? Jesus!
Walter
Help me understand the math, okay? I gave you one pound, correct? You and I split $2,000 per ounce, $1,000 each. One pound - that's sixteen ounces. Sixteen ounces should net to me $16,000. Sixteen, not fifteen.
[quietly] Something came up.
Walter
"Something came up?"
One of my guys got held up by a couple junkies... lost an ounce. But it's cool, okay? Skinny Pete's cool.
Walter
Oh-ho! So you're saying that your guy got robbed–or rather, you got robbed–but, it doesn't matter. Hm?
Dude, it's called breakage, okay? Like Kmart, shit breaks.
Walter
And you're thinking this is acceptable?
It's the cost of business, yo! You're sweating me over a grand?
Walter
Hey, look, I'm just the chemist here! I'm not the street guy, yo... but it seems to me that what you call breakage is just you making a fool of yourself. I've got another technical term for you: Non-sustainable business model.
You're focusing on the negative. Six grand a day, we're making. What's your problem?
Walter
What happens when word gets out, and it's open season on these clowns you've hired, hm? Once everyone knows, that Jesse Pinkman, drug lord, can be robbed with impunity?
Walter
You think Tuco had breakage? I guess it's true, he did... he broke bones. He broke the skull of anybody who tried to rip him off.
You want another grand? Is that it?
Walter
That's not my point.
[Jesse throws the money into Walter's car. Walter throws it back]
Look, you got fifteen thousand you didn't have yesterday! Hey, we're making bank! Shit happens! My guys get what they're up against, and they're careful. So am I, and you're all tucked in at night with your precious family. So why don't you just stop being such a freak about everything?
Let me just get this straight: Elliott and I offered to pay for your treatment, no strings attached–an offer which still stands, by the way–and you turn us down out of pride, whatever. And then you tell your wife that in fact we are paying for your treatment. Without our knowledge, against our will, you involve us in your lie, and you sit here and tell me that that is none of my business?
Walter
[long pause] Yeah. That's pretty much the size of it.
What happened to you? Really, Walt? What happened? Because this isn't you.
Walter
What would you know about me, Gretchen? What would your presumption about me be, exactly? That I should go begging for your charity, and you waving your checkbook around like some magic wand is going to make me forget how you and Elliott–how you and Elliott–cut me out?
What? That can't be how you see it.
Walter
It was my hard work. My research. And you and Elliott made millions off it.
That cannot be how you see it.
Walter
Oh God, that's beautifully done.
Walter
You are always the picture of innocence.
Walter
The picture of innocence. Just sweetness and light.
You left me. Fourth of July weekend, you and my father and my brothers. And I go up to our room and you are packing your bags. Barely talking. What, did I dream all that?
Walter
That's your excuse? To build your little empire on my work?
How could you say that to me? You walked away, you abandoned us. Me, Elliott...
Walter
Little rich girl, just adding to your millions.
I don't even know what to say to you. I don't even know where to begin. I feel so sorry for you, Walt.
Walter
Fuck you.
What are you talking about?
Walter
Apparently, it's all over town. Somebody crossed you, you got angry you crushed their skull with an ATM machine.
That's not how it happened.
Walter
Who cares as long as it's our competitors who believe it and not the police? Oh, my... No, don't you see how great this is? Look, you–You are a—Jesse, look at me, you are a blow fish.
Walter
A blow fish, think about it. Small in stature, not swift, not cunning, easy prey for predators. But the blow fish has a secret weapon, doesn't he? Doesn't he? What does the blow fish do, Jesse? What does the blow fish do?
I don't even know what...
Walter
The blow fish puffs up, okay? The blow fish puffs himself up four, five times larger than normal, but why? Why does he do that? Because it makes him intimidating, that's why. Intimidating so that the other scarier fish are scared off and that's you. You are a blow fish. Don't you see? It's just all–all an illusion. It's nothing but air. Now, who messes with the blow fish, Jesse?
Walter
You're damn right.
The game has changed, yo. This is our city, alright? All of it. The whole damn place. Our territory. We're staking our claim. Yo, we sell when we want, where we want. We're gonna be kings, understand? Well, I'm gonna be king and you guys will be, like, princes or dukes or something.
But first things first: We gotta get more dealers, y'know, foot soldiers, alright? Now they'll be working for you, you're working for me, and I'm working for you. You follow me? Layered, like nachos. Exponential growth. That's success, with a capital S.
Straight up, straight up.
[Everybody puts their hands in. Jesse leaves, heads outside and gets into Walter's car]
Well, we're set. Boys are ready. Gonna make some mad cheddar, yo. [pause; Walter looks at Jesse] Cheddar, Mr. White. Fat stacks. Dead Presidents. Cash money. We're gonna own this city.
Walter
We're not charging enough.
Walter
Corner the market, then raise the price. Simple economics.
[Hank is holed up in bed due to the trauma from the Tortuga bomb incident]
Walter
I have spent my whole life frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen. Fifty years I spent like that. Finding myself awake at three in the morning. But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine.
Walter
And I came to realize: It's that fear, that's the worst of it. That's the real enemy. So... get up, get out in the real world, and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth.
[Walt and Jesse pull up outside Saul's strip mall office]
Sooner or later, this was gonna happen. If you want your "exponential growth", guys are gonna get busted. Simple as that.
Walter
So, how about we get him a real attorney? I mean, what the hell is this? This is who he hires?
What? You kidding me? This is the guy you want. This is the guy I'd hire.
Walter
[sarcastically] Ooh, this is the guy you'd hire.
Look, you remember Emilio? 'Kay, this dude got Emilio off, like, twice. 'Kay, both times they had him dead to rights, yo, and then "poof." Dude's like Houdini. Seriously, when the going gets tough, you don't want a criminal lawyer, alright? You want a criminal lawyer. You know what I'm saying?
[Saul finds Walter after school in the classroom]
Oh, my God! You really are a chemistry teacher! Heh-heh. Uh, you mind? [closes the door] I was terrible at chemistry. I'm more of a humanities guy.
Walter
How did you find me?
We should talk about that. It should be much, much harder for people to track you down. My P.I. charged me for three hours, so I seriously doubt it took him more than one.
Walter
So this is what? Blackmail?
Walter, I'm your lawyer. Anything you say to me is totally privileged. I'm not in the shakedown racket. I'm a lawyer. Even drug dealers need lawyers, right? Especially drug dealers.
Walter
So what? You're just doing this out of the kindness of your heart?
C'mon. Have you seen my hourly rate? Heh-heh. Oh, by the way, where do you keep the money? Is it in your mattress? Is it in a jelly jar buried in the side yard, huh? You know, this kid Mayhew may be the first of your guys to get picked up, but he won't be the last. And if I can find you, how far behind can the cops be?
Walter
I don't understand. What exactly are you offering to do for me?
What did Tom Hagen do for Vito Corleone?
Walter
[stares at Saul perplexed while shaking his head] I'm no... Vito Corleone.
No shit! Right now, you're Fredo! But, y'know, with some sound advice and proper introductions, who knows? I'll tell you one thing: You've got the right product. Anything that gets the DEA's panties in this big a bunch, you're onto something special. And I would like to be a small and silent part of it. Food for thought, yeah? [starts to head for the door, but stops and turns around] So if you want to make more money and, uh, keep the money that you make... [taps his foot and holds his arms out with flair, pointing to Walter] Better Call Saul!
Look, let's crunch some numbers. How much money are we laundering?
Walter
At this time...$16,000.
How long you been doing this?
Walter
We've had some extenuating circumstances.
Yeah, apparently. All right, $16,000 laundered at 75 cents on the dollar, minus my fee, which is 17%, comes out to $9,960. Congratulations, you've just left your family a secondhand Subaru.
Walter
[to Jesse on the payphone] Clear your social calendar. We have to cook.
Walter
No, you'll need today at least to gather supplies. Now, we're going to need all new glassware, heating mantles, about a hundred pounds of ice. Y-you have a paper and pencil? You should be writing this down.
Yo, you wanna go shopping, go do it yourself, alright? I got plans.
Walter
Smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos, and masturbating do not constitute plans in my book.
Well, screw you and your book, man, alright? I'm going to a museum in Santa Fe, not like you need to know.
Walter
You're going to a museum, huh?
Walter
Georgia O'Keeffe?
She's a painter, duh. She does these vagina pictures. Or paintings, or just painted. I don't know.
[After cooking a batch of meth and agreeing to stop at a hotel for the night, Jesse and Walter realize the RV's ignition has stopped working]
[after turning the keys several times] Battery’s dead.
Walter
Jesse, back when I asked you to put the keys in a safe place, where did you put them?
I left them right here. In the, um… in the ignition.
Walter
Son of a bitch!
Whoa, whoa. No, this is not my fault, alright? The buzzer didn’t buzz.
Walter
The what?!
The buzzer! The buzzer that buzzes when you put the keys in to, like, let you know that the battery’s on. I know that! It didn’t buzz. Look, I didn’t turn the key or anything, alright? I’m not stupid! Did you hear the buzzer buzz? I did not... It’s faulty, it’s a faulty mechanism.
Walter
Is this just a genetic thing with you? Is it congenital? Did you—Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?!
The buzzer did not buzz! And you were the one that made me move the keys in the first place, remember?!
Walter
Yes, I see your point. Your imbecility being what it is, I should have known to say, "Jesse, don’t leave the keys in the ignition the entire two days!"
I wanted to leave them on the counter, bitch! Oh, I’m sorry, the "work station!" Jesus!
Breaking Bad · 300 quotes
